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Partners Jokes

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One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had

He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep

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I have more sexual partners than my brother.

But he is one of the better ones.

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My wife asked me to list my sexual partners, in order.

I guess I should have stopped at her name.

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Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

Programmers make bad dating partners

A JavaScript developer will make empty promises and not call you back.

A Java developer will act classy but he’ll treat you as an object.

And a Python developer will take up all the space and everything will move too slow anyway.

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I'm always frank with my sexual partners.

I wouldn't want them to know my real name.

Why do ambitious bankers make lousy colleagues but great partners?

They'll never leave you a loan.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a Jamaican are waiting in the maternity ward whilst their partners gave birth.

The midwife comes out and says that all the babies have been born healthy and mothers are doing fine but there’s been a mix-up and they aren’t sure which baby belongs to whom.
The Englishman rushes in and picks up the black baby and starts walking out. The others stop him and ask him what the hel...

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Vampires make the best partners

They always ask before cumming inside

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Picking sexual partners is a lot like shopping for fruit.

People look down on you if you pick the ones that got shipped here in a box.

Why do black widow spiders kill their partners after they mate?

They can't stand to listen to the snoring.

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My sexual partners are like ninjas...

You will never see the coming

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Two tantric sex partners meet after years of separation...

"It's been a long time coming"

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Sid and Irv are business partners.

They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’ Sid asks. ‘Well, I sleep very late...

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A male and a female martians swapped partners with an earth couple

The Martian male was fucking the earth female but she told him that his penis was too small so he pulled his left ear and his penis became longer then she told him that it's too thin so he pulled his right ear and his penis became wider and the earth female became very happy. The next night the eart...

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Two couples decided to swap partners for sex

Two couples decided to swap partners for sex.

Afterwards, one of the guys said," That felt great! I wonder how the girls are doing."

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My two sex partners aren't aware of each other.

The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

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New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

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A man works up courage to ask his wife how many sexual partners she had before him

She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that stupid question?"

Raising her finger she says "Sh...

Blind partners are the most faithful

They never see anyone else!

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

What do you call investing your partners paycheck into a crypto currency they don't like?

Passive aggressive income

I licked my partners ear...

And caught hearing aids

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How come The Flash leaves his partners temporarily blinded after sex?

Cause they get Flashbanged.

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NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

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It must be a hard time for homosexuals searching for partners

Most of them are not coming out.

How do electrical engineers propose their partners?

j love you.

Partners of women with a hearing problem are in the happiest relationship.

They always say, "Come again?"

What do you call someone who goes to bars to find potential new partners?

A bar-tinder.

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Hunting Partners

Two men decide to go on a hunting trip together. While on the trip one man tells the other he must go and take a shit. His partner nods and the man goes off until he finds a tree to shit by. The other man goes on hunting, finds a deer, kills it, and skins it. He began to wonder what was taking his ...

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The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian resp...

Two couples decide to swap partners for the evening.

Couple 1: “Oh my goodness Morgan I’m so glad we swapped tonight. I needed this freak night”. “Me too Dale. Let’s go see how the girls did!”

My ex-partners privates remind me of the sky

Every person on Earth has seen them

According to a survey, one in three people cheat on their partners

Now I need to figure out if it is my wife or my girlfriend

Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

Why is having multiple partners simultaneously not love?

Because love is always <3

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Two women are partners at a science laboratory

They both work together and create a breakthrough in modern science.
Their boyfriends receive this news while they are both at the bar together.
One boyfriend turns to the other and says,
"Dude, we're fuckin' geniuses."

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A human couple meets an alien couple

So naturally, they decide it would be fun to swap partners. The alien woman goes off with the human man and the alien man goes off with the human woman. The alien man and human woman get undressed and he asks her, "Is it long enough?" She replies, "It could be a bit longer I suppose." So the alien m...

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An Englishman and Welshman were in a pub discusing their sexual prowess.

The Englishman boasts he's gotten laid with 27 different partners this year.

"What about *you*?" he asks the Welshman, who promptly falls asleep.

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Poker is like sex

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand

Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner

Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes pu...

A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and marijuana dispensary.

It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

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