This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me to list my sexual partners, in order.

I guess I should have stopped at her name.

What do you call investing your partners paycheck into a crypto currency they don't like?

Passive aggressive income

Why do black widow spiders kill their partners after they mate?

They can't stand to listen to the snoring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he had

He started to count but he fell asleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Picking sexual partners is a lot like shopping for fruit.

People look down on you if you pick the ones that got shipped here in a box.

I used to be afraid of living alone all my life till I read even serial killers often had partners.

I'm glad there are precedents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man works up courage to ask his wife how many sexual partners she had before him

She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that stupid question?"

Raising her finger she says "Sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men find a lamp...

Three middle aged men are walking along an abandoned beach when they find a golden lamp glistening in the sun. Deciding they have nothing to lose, they decide to rub it and see what happens. In astonishment, they see a genie appear before them.

"Thank you for freeing me from my lamp. To thank...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sexual partners are like ninjas...

You will never see the coming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman and Welshman were in a pub discusing their sexual prowess.

The Englishman boasts he's gotten laid with 27 different partners this year.

"What about *you*?" he asks the Welshman, who promptly falls asleep.

What do you call someone who goes to bars to find potential new partners?

A bar-tinder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sid and Irv are business partners.

They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’ Sid asks. ‘Well, I sleep very late...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why sex life of necrophiacs is frustrating?

Potential partners are under a rock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How come The Flash leaves his partners temporarily blinded after sex?

Cause they get Flashbanged.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a necrophiliac date his sexual partners?

Carbon-14.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My two sex partners aren't aware of each other.

The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guy with the giant penis

There once was a man with a 50 centimeter long schlong. He could not find any partners because it was too long. So he went to the Doctor’s office.

«Doctor, please help me! My penis is too long and I want it sportened, is there anything you can do?»

- «No.» said the doctor. «But.. There...

Partners of women with a hearing problem are in the happiest relationship.

They always say, "Come again?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male and a female martians swapped partners with an earth couple

The Martian male was fucking the earth female but she told him that his penis was too small so he pulled his left ear and his penis became longer then she told him that it's too thin so he pulled his right ear and his penis became wider and the earth female became very happy. The next night the eart...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It must be a hard time for homosexuals searching for partners

Most of them are not coming out.

An artist, accountant and engineer have lunch

The conversation turns to their lives, and then their partners and relationships.

The accountant says "Marriage for me. I love my wife, she's my rock, she's always there for me, I'm nothing without her. I owe her everything."

The artist says "I'd never marry. I am lost without my mistr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was walking in the woods with my wife the other day. Picked up a pebble and told her about these traditions natives Americans had. They would give their partners an Sex Stone. But this one...

..was just a Fuckin Rock.

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.