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My wife asked me to list my sexual partners, in order.

I guess I should have stopped at her name.

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Picking sexual partners is a lot like shopping for fruit.

People look down on you if you pick the ones that got shipped here in a box.

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I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he had

He started to count but he fell asleep.

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My sexual partners are like ninjas...

You will never see the coming

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An Englishman and Welshman were in a pub discusing their sexual prowess.

The Englishman boasts he's gotten laid with 27 different partners this year.

"What about *you*?" he asks the Welshman, who promptly falls asleep.

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A man works up courage to ask his wife how many sexual partners she had before him

She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that stupid question?"

Raising her finger she says "Sh...

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NSFW What are the similarities between a 9V battery and a your new partners butthole?

You know you shouldn’t, but sooner or later you’re gonna put your tongue to it! ;)

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The guy with the giant penis

There once was a man with a 50 centimeter long schlong. He could not find any partners because it was too long. So he went to the Doctor’s office.

«Doctor, please help me! My penis is too long and I want it sportened, is there anything you can do?»

- «No.» said the doctor. «But.. There...

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Sid and Irv are business partners.

They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’ Sid asks. ‘Well, I sleep very late...

What do you call someone who goes to bars to find potential new partners?

A bar-tinder.

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How come The Flash leaves his partners temporarily blinded after sex?

Cause they get Flashbanged.

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My two sex partners aren't aware of each other.

The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

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How does a necrophiliac date his sexual partners?

Carbon-14.

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Mr. & Mrs. Johnson live on a farm by themselves. One day, an Alien spaceship lands in front of their house.

As the Johnsons go to investigate, the ship’s doors open and two aliens that look similar to humans walk out. Speaking perfect English, the aliens make a proposition to the Johnsons to trade partners for the night to understand human sexual behavior. The Johnsons, curious of what the experience woul...

Partners of women with a hearing problem are in the happiest relationship.

They always say, "Come again?"

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It must be a hard time for homosexuals searching for partners

Most of them are not coming out.

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A male and a female martians swapped partners with an earth couple

The Martian male was fucking the earth female but she told him that his penis was too small so he pulled his left ear and his penis became longer then she told him that it's too thin so he pulled his right ear and his penis became wider and the earth female became very happy. The next night the eart...

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

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Was walking in the woods with my wife the other day. Picked up a pebble and told her about these traditions natives Americans had. They would give their partners an Sex Stone. But this one...

..was just a Fuckin Rock.

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What do you call a couple of hoarders

Partners in Grime

Life is not a competition....

I mean, apart from grades, jobs, partners, wealth and status.

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Toast to your good life

Paddy O'Brien was at the pub and hoisted his beer saying, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life inbetween the legs of me wife!”

Everyone cheered and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he says to his wife, “Mary, I won the prize for t...

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

Blind partners are the most faithful

They never see anyone else!

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Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

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