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I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly...

"Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

AITA? I bought my coworker chicken avocado instead of tuna avocado from Subway, and now they’re mad.

Whoops, wrong sub.

My coworkers at my place of work have given me a nickname “Mr. Compromise”.

It wasn’t my first choice, but I guess I’m ok with it.

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I caught my coworker watching porn during our meeting

He said this is his home security camera

My coworker just found out she won’t be able to attend next week’s Innuendo Conference…

I guess I’ll have to fill her slot instead.

Boebert asked her coworker, "Do you have any kids?" "Yes," she replied. "I have one child that's just under two."

Then Boebert said, "I might be stupid, but I know how many one is."

My new coworker is missing some toes. I dont like him.

I am Lacktoes Intolerant.

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My coworker once wiggled his penis in front of me.

He wasn't fired, but it was a bit of a dick move.

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

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A coworker of mine comes up to me

He says, “What’s up man? I have a question for you”

“Ok” I reply

“Imagine you go camping with some other guys. One night you all are doing a lot of drinking. You wake up in the morning with your pants down to your ankles and Vaseline in your butthole. Would you tell any body about tha...

I asked my coworker what happens when we die?

"They hire someone else," my coworker replied.

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My coworker was talking about how it would be funny if flowers had penises.

What a load of poppycock.

My coworker is asking for donations for his charity marathon

But I’m afraid he’s just going to take the money and run

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My coworker came up to me yesterday and said he had a question for me

He asked, “Imagine you walk into a room with 50 naked dudes. How many of their penises would you choke on?”

“What the hell?” I reply “None of them!”

“Oh so you’re a professional?”

I’ve started saying “mucho” to all of my Mexican coworkers.

It means a lot to them.

A computer programmer is back from paternity leave after his wife has a baby. When he shows up, a coworker says to him "Welcome back! Was it a boy or a girl?"

To which he replies, "yes".

My coworkers worship me.

Every time I show up, I hear them say "Jesus Christ!"

Who runs Mexican Amazon?

Jeff Pesos

It's a silly joke but I thought of it on my own today! I found a 200 peso bill on the ground today and I was saying pesos in different accents out loud with a coworker when the joke popped into my head. I don't think I've heard it anywhere before. After I got home and searched it h...

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A coworker just confessed to me that he’s asexual.

That makes two people who don’t give a fuck.

A man talks about his terrible roommate with his coworker

"Yeah, so he hates all the things I like. He's even said they're stupid and boring right to my face. He constantly ignores me and doesn't do his share of the chores. He's even somehow managed to damage my car! I try to make it work, but some days..."

His coworker was appalled.

"Why wou...

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt

She felt the same way

So I turned on the air conditioner

Have you ever smelled mothballs?

My coworker asked me this today. “Of course!” I replied

She interjected “How did you get their tiny legs apart?”

So it's ok for DC to call a character Black Adam?

But when I call my coworker Black Tony I get called into HR.

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

A man moves across country to a new city.

A man moves to a new city and starts a new job.


Lunchtime comes around and his coworker asks him to join him. They go to a restaurant down the road, sit down and he orders the Club Sandwich.

They get their food after a couple of minutes and talk about work.
The man is intrigued...

A coworker told me to live every day like it’s a brand new year

I said I already do that
I wake up hung over.
I contemplate all the decisions I made the “year”before.
And I try to make resolutions and I always break them.

An 80 year old man goes in for a physical

And the doctor tells him, "You're in terrific health, you're healthier than most 40 year olds, what do you contribute your exceptional health to?"

And the man replies"Turkey hunting, every morning I walk in the mountains and go turkey hunting."

"Well maybe genetics has something to do ...

Got this one from a coworker the other day.

There was once this great pirate captain who refused to lose any battles no matter the cost. He would give up anything to secure victory in battle.

One day while sailing the open ocean he and his crew encounter an two enemy ships so he yells to his first mate “get me my red shirt!” So the fi...

Drink vodka, play cards

A young man in the USSR has received his first work assignment. He is to work at a train yard helping to move the trains around the yard - a good job, with good promotional potential.

The first day of the job, he arrives at the yard, and entering the yard house he introduces himself, and want...

The other day, I noticed a coworker standing in front of our office's new high-capacity paper shredder, looking confused.

"Here, let me help. It's very simple," I said, as I took the thick stack of documents and fed them into the paper insert.

He smiled in relief as the machine whirred. "Thank you so much! Now...where do the copies come out?"

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

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If my coworker had a dollar for every time i made a sexist joke...

She would have ¢0.77

My name is Eaton, and my coworker and I were talking about name tags,

I keep an abundance of mine attached via magnet to my desk so I never forget to have one.

She lost the backing to her name tag somewhere around her desk.

I let her know that I have a bunch extra so if she needed one just take one.

She asks, "So, I can be Eaton today then?"
...

There was a cartographer that groped his coworker

No sense of boundaries

A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

My coworker caught his girlfriend having an affair with his best friend. He told her the relationship was over and to leave immediately. I asked him what he said to his best friend.

Bad dog! Very bad dog!

My coworker keeps farting and trying to convince me that it was me who did it.

I think he's asslighting me.

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A coworker told me a joke about Oedipus and King Midas today.

It was motherfucking gold.

Man comes out of the bathroom at work…

After a loud session of diarrhea, “sounds like you had a rough time in there.” a slightly embarrassed coworker commented. “No it was a blast” the man responded.

My coworker said her throat was itchy

So natural response is , it’s probably those kids in there playing tag

And now I have a meeting with HR

We were changing shifts at the fish sticks factory at the grinder station....

I was at the end of my shift, spattered with oily fish gore, and had my hand in the corkscrew feeder trying to pull a stick bit of bone out. My coworker, in his fresh beginning of shift uniform, reached in to help and his dry cotton sleeve caught and he was pulled in to a gruesome death. As I stood ...

1960s USSR. The peak of KGB paranoia.

Neighbors are ratting out neighbors. Employees report their coworkers to the KGB for innocuous jokes. Nighttime knocks on the door are commonplace. Regular citizens are labeled enemies of the people and taken away.

A group of university students are on a government-sponsored trip to a confere...

I was considering telling a vaccine joke to a right wing coworker of mine

but didn't because he probably wouldn't get it anyways.

Coworker: Long day, huh?

Me: *looks at calendar* The longest.

My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin

I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"

He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."

(True story)

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A coworker told me I was a pedophile and said I probably had a van that said "Free Candy" on the side.

I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet.

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...

"Because they make the toys."

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My Muslim coworker brought a CD version of the Quran to work today.

He got really pissed off when I asked if I could burn a copy.

My Boss: "I'm scheduling a meeting for next week" Coworker: "I am able to take the minutes" ...

Me: "... and I'm able to take hours."

Not the greatest joke, but the title of this post just came through my inbox and I can't reply with that. Not that I don't WANT to reply with that. So I'm here. I just needed to tell SOMEONE.

I feel better. I can get on with my day.

My Wif...

True story… three days into the pnw heatwave I overheard a coworker and his client talking about how they were dealing with the heat…

Client: “I had to spend the last three days at my girlfriends apartment” Coworker: “Oh, does she have air conditioning” Client: “No… Only Fans.”

My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts.

I told him it's all in his head.

My coworker is in the hospital after eating a giant bacon cheeseburger.

It was mine.

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I think my coworkers are gay

Every time I walk by, they mumble "what an ass"

On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...

"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"

Coworker: Why do bad guys always wear suspenders?

Me: So they don't get caught with their pants down.

(This happened a couple days ago, I was pretty proud. He legitimately was just asking the question)

Drugs are a lot like my coworkers

My wife does most of them

Me and a coworker were talking behind our boss' back.

When she found out she came up to us and said : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

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A woman wants to buy bagels for her coworkers...

...so she stops by a local bakery on the way to work and there is a huge line. She waits a while, gets up to the front, and tells the man behind the counter "I'd like a dozen bagels please".

"I'm sorry, but we's out of bagels."

The woman says never mind then and proceeds to leave t...

My Nigerian coworker told me he was leaving early to go the doctor.

I said “ Oh, which doctor?” He responds, “Yeah bro. “

My coworker was showing off a tattoo, and I said I couldn't get any for myself.

I said, "if I got a tattoo, I couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery."

"Oh! I didn't know you were Jewish!"

"I'm not. That's the third reason I couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery."

A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food.

The zookeeer at home said, “alpaca lunch”.

A nuclear power plant worker…

A nuclear power plant worker sees his coworker with a fishing rod and line in the reactor.

“How’s the fission, John?”

My coworker told me he used to have the same wireless earbuds as mine until his dog ate them...

Now he has blue teeth.

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An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He’s the new temp.

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.




The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

A Man Has Been Drinking All Day At A Bar...

A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch.

"1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife's going to kill me", he thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

...

Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?"

Susan pipes up, "It's Bob's birth...

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I got into a discussion with my coworker today about surnames. How they originated from what people were known for. Smith, shoemaker, etc.

Well my great great great great great great grandfather's name was Horace P. Horsefucker.
He got a bad rap. It was consensual...though the horse said neigh.

Half my coworkers are imposters

They pretend to do the tasks and sabotage everything.

I recently got a job selling vacuums and finally got the courage to make a pun around my new coworkers

it sucked.

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My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had sex...

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...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.

Today my coworker fell into the reupholstering machine at work

don't worry, he's fully recovered

A man returns to work sporting a black eye after lunch

His coworker asked him if he got in a fight during his lunch break, and he says no, he was randomly punched by a guy after he asked him which food line he was standing in. The coworker asks if this happened in the line for the ramen shop, but he shakes his head and replies, "No, pho queue."

Today I inappropriately touched and propositioned several female coworkers...

It's all good though. I said "No Cuomo"

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One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much oral sex she gets.

She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.

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A pretty good joke told to me by a coworker

One day little Billy approached Mr. Johnson's house and knocked on the door. After they exchanged a few pleasantries, little Billy asked Mr. Johnson, "Sir, I noticed ya got some milkweed growing in your backyard, mind if go back there and get some milk?" Amused by the request, Mr. Johnson replied, "...

My coworker is a secret agent

I work with a guy who lives up to his 007 nickname every day. 0 ambition, 0 skill, 7 smoke breaks!

A coworker competing with me for a promotion sent me this message: "armed conflict between different nations or states or different groups within a nation or state."

This means war.

My coworker asked me if I wanted to crack open a cold one after work.

And that’s how I learned he was a necrophiliac.

Dad jokes from my coworker that he won’t stop saying all day long...

I really hate when non dads say dad jokes. It’s such a faux-pa

We had a storm the other night and 25% of my roof flew away. Oof.

You know lance just isn’t as common of a name as it used to be. You know when it was? The Middle Ages. Guys were named lance a lot.

My boss said that I intimidate my coworkers

I stared at him until he apologized.

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My British coworker

My British coworker is new to America, and he delights in telling me and my other coworkers about all things British. Today he was trying to explain Cockney rhyming slang - things like saying "have a butcher's" instead of "have a look", because "butcher's hook" rhymes with "look"; or "a cup of Ro...

Coworker: Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere.

Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in ‘98.

Coworker: Really?

Me: No.

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My coworker treat me like a god

when some shit happen, they crucify me

The other day, I finally asked my pretty amputee coworker out.

She didn't answer, I guess she was stumped.

Why are cows such great coworkers?

Because they’re out standing in their field.


My 8-year-old nephew said this joke today and he can’t stop laughing. I thought you all would enjoy it.

A coworker of mine recently took a break to go buy a pack of smokes from the corner store. He didn’t return so I guess that was his way of quitting.

Just like my dad

Someone told me today is "slap your irritating coworker day" but I don't think that's right

"Get slapped by your co-workers day" would be more accurate.

Today a tunnel my coworkers were in collapsed trapping the entire work crew inside.

I would report it to the police but it sounds like a miner problem.

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Me and another coworker were competing to see who was the best at our drug testing job. I was winning until i misplaced a felon's probation samples.

So I guess I lost that pissing contest

A coworker came over to my cubicle and asked if we have a ruler in the office.

Me: No, but we have a boss.

I'm ashamed of myself for the dad joke I made today.

Coworker was talking about a Joe Rogan episode with Jim Miller where they talked about Lyme Disease.

We continued the conversation and at the end I said "I guess the kids have tik tok and we have tick talk." I don't know how to feel after that one. Had to share somewhere.

For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.

I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.

[True story] A coworker never heard of the burger restaurant “Five Guys”

And his daughter told him “I had five guys last night and I’m not feeling well now.”

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A guy is talking to his coworker.

Guy: "Man, I got fired."

Coworker: "Oh no! What happened?"

Guy: "Boss told me that if I didn't fuck her right there in the office, I'd get fired."

Coworker: "Oh, and you said no?"

Guy: "No, I said yes!"

Coworker: "So why did you get fired?"
...

TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine.

oops wrong sub.

I told my coworker he should introduce himself like James Bond

The name's Moore, Steve Moore. At least that's what the ladies say.

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HR said I'm not allowed to make up names for my coworkers.

I hope Frankie Fuckface is fucking happy now.

My coworker thinks the Earth is flat

I told him if that were true, cats would have already found the edge and pushed everything off.

Two gas company servicemen

a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter....

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What did the porn star say to her coworker, The Invisible Man?

"Well... I did not see that coming."

sorry if it's a repost, but I've never seen it and I gave myself a chuckle coming up with it.

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

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Todd comes into work one morning just grinning, and struts straight over to his coworker Jim.

"Damn, man! You know that new secretary, Tiffany? I banged her last night, and I gotta tell you! She was so hot in bed, she was even better than my wife!"

Jim high-fives him and they head off to work.

A few days later, Jim comes strutting in, grinning, and walks straight over to Todd.<...

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If I had a dollar for every time this female coworker said something sexist in the office.

I wouldn't feel surprised for receiving the credit and compensation for her ideas.

An engineer tells his coworkers about his walk to work

"So I'm walking to work this morning through the park, like I always do, but today was a bit different... A beautiful woman on a bicycle rode up next to me and got off the bike. She stripped naked and put her clothes in a pile next to the bike, then looked right at me and said 'You can have anythi...

A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos

So she asks him what it's for.

He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The blonde immediately buys one for herself.

The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"

She replies, "Soup and ic...

Two guys were talking about an attractive female coworker

Bob: Why do you like her?

John: She likes guys who drive Audis

Bob: Do you have an Audi?

John: No. But she obviously likes having somebody right up her rear end

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My coworker just said, “That’s a nice-ass shirt you’re wearing.”

I said, “Those are called pants, not an ass shirt.”

A man at work has a coworker who truly despises him

Yet year after year on his birthday, the coworker gives the man elegant, expensive ties.

Finally the man can't stand it anymore and asks, "Listen, I know you truly can't stand me, so why all the niceties?"

I just came back from a coworker's funeral who died when he was hit on the head by a tennis ball..

It was a lovely service..

I was talking to a coworker about a project I was working on at home. I didn’t have enough space so I told her I wish I could turn 4 inches into 8

She said she wishes her husband could too

Heard this from a coworker

Mr. Red, Mr. Green, Mr. Yellow, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Blue all live on the same street.

Each morning, Mr. Red wakes up in his red room, in his red house, pulls the red covers off of his bed, puts on his red robe, opens his red door, goes down his red stairs to his red kitchen and gets his red b...

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Three male coworkers are upset to find that the fourth member of their weekly golf outing will no longer be joining them...

...a female coworker overhears their plight and asks if she can join. The men are hesitant, but in the name of equality they decide to allow it.

"We like to take our time, so we start early," says one of the men.

"No worries," says the woman, "I'll be there at 7:30 or 8:00."

S...

I just found out a coworker was just pretending to be my friend.

He was a placebro.

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer t...

“Bill,” a sad-faced man says to his coworker,

“I just heard the news about your uncle falling off that cliff. I’m terribly sorry. Were the two of you close?”



“We were just close enough for me to push him,” Bill replies.

I dropped the expired blood tubes as I was handing them to my coworker

Now there’s bad blood between us

A coworker yesterday had some coffee go down the wrong way and he was having a time of it.

I asked if he was ok. He said, "yeah, that's why they call it 'cough-ee'"

My girlfriend has a tickle fetish, so I decided to practice on my coworkers

Unfortunately I was fired when my test-tickles were exposed to upper management.

My coworker was noodling on an idea

So I offered her a penne for her thoughts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my coworker, why the long face?

She told me to mind my own business.

That horseface bitch is rude.

My coworker was measuring two cups of creamer, trying to make them even...

I told him not to worry, it was already half and half

The other day a coworker caught me checking her out,

but harassment nothing to me.

"I'm going for a light lunch," says my coworker as she heads towards the breakroom.

I look up, puzzled, and respond, "You can photosynthesize?!"

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