Got this one from a coworker the other day.

There was once this great pirate captain who refused to lose any battles no matter the cost. He would give up anything to secure victory in battle.

One day while sailing the open ocean he and his crew encounter an two enemy ships so he yells to his first mate “get me my red shirt!” So the fi...

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt

She felt the same way

So I turned on the air conditioner

There was a cartographer that groped his coworker

No sense of boundaries

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

My name is Eaton, and my coworker and I were talking about name tags,

I keep an abundance of mine attached via magnet to my desk so I never forget to have one.

She lost the backing to her name tag somewhere around her desk.

I let her know that I have a bunch extra so if she needed one just take one.

She asks, "So, I can be Eaton today then?"
...

Coworker: Long day, huh?

Me: *looks at calendar* The longest.

My coworker keeps farting and trying to convince me that it was me who did it.

I think he's asslighting me.

My coworker said her throat was itchy

So natural response is , it’s probably those kids in there playing tag

And now I have a meeting with HR

True story… three days into the pnw heatwave I overheard a coworker and his client talking about how they were dealing with the heat…

Client: “I had to spend the last three days at my girlfriends apartment” Coworker: “Oh, does she have air conditioning” Client: “No… Only Fans.”

On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...

"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"

My Boss: "I'm scheduling a meeting for next week" Coworker: "I am able to take the minutes" ...

Me: "... and I'm able to take hours."

Not the greatest joke, but the title of this post just came through my inbox and I can't reply with that. Not that I don't WANT to reply with that. So I'm here. I just needed to tell SOMEONE.

I feel better. I can get on with my day.

My Wif...

My coworker caught his girlfriend having an affair with his best friend. He told her the relationship was over and to leave immediately. I asked him what he said to his best friend.

Bad dog! Very bad dog!

A Man And A Woman Get Into An Argument About Infidelity

The man is suspicious of his wife so he starts interrogating her asking her question after question.

The wife answers every question truthfully and even calls her friends or coworkers so that they can confirm too.

But this wasn't enough for her husband so he keeps on arguing and askin...

One of my coworkers asked me if I had an Amazon Echo

I replied, "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure my echo is American".

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Woman has a sore throat and asks for help

So a woman has a sore throat and asks for help from her coworker.

The coworker says "I have the best cure! Every time my throat hurts I just give my husband a blowjob and it heals"

The next day the woman goes to work with her sore throat healed.

Coworker asks "Did it work"
...

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A woman wants to buy bagels for her coworkers...

...so she stops by a local bakery on the way to work and there is a huge line. She waits a while, gets up to the front, and tells the man behind the counter "I'd like a dozen bagels please".

"I'm sorry, but we's out of bagels."

The woman says never mind then and proceeds to leave t...

Growing up I rarely got sick, I boasted about it to my friends and coworkers.

I just realized it was because I didn't have any friends growing up.

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

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If my coworker had a dollar for every time i made a sexist joke...

She would have ¢0.77

Today I inappropriately touched and propositioned several female coworkers...

It's all good though. I said "No Cuomo"

My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts.

I told him it's all in his head.

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An old man is hosting his retirement dinner with his family, friends and coworkers

He’d lived a long life- when he was only 25 he went on a mission trip to South America where he met two young boys who he later adopted. Seeing the standard of living in South America prompted him to study medicine- a field he completely excelled in and successfully developed vaccines for over ten d...

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My coworker told me about his dark past as a porn actor,

He was the husband who got cheated on

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...

"Because they make the toys."

Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?"

Susan pipes up, "It's Bob's birth...

I recently got a job selling vacuums and finally got the courage to make a pun around my new coworkers

it sucked.

Coworker: Why do bad guys always wear suspenders?

Me: So they don't get caught with their pants down.

(This happened a couple days ago, I was pretty proud. He legitimately was just asking the question)

Half my coworkers are imposters

They pretend to do the tasks and sabotage everything.

Drugs are a lot like my coworkers

My wife does most of them

My possessed coworker keeps yelling 2 + 2 = 5

He’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit

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I got into a discussion with my coworker today about surnames. How they originated from what people were known for. Smith, shoemaker, etc.

Well my great great great great great great grandfather's name was Horace P. Horsefucker.
He got a bad rap. It was consensual...though the horse said neigh.

A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food.

The zookeeer at home said, “alpaca lunch”.

Today a tunnel my coworkers were in collapsed trapping the entire work crew inside.

I would report it to the police but it sounds like a miner problem.

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My British coworker

My British coworker is new to America, and he delights in telling me and my other coworkers about all things British. Today he was trying to explain Cockney rhyming slang - things like saying "have a butcher's" instead of "have a look", because "butcher's hook" rhymes with "look"; or "a cup of Ro...

Me and a coworker were talking behind our boss' back.

When she found out she came up to us and said : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A coworker told me a joke about Oedipus and King Midas today.

It was motherfucking gold.

My coworker told me he used to have the same wireless earbuds as mine until his dog ate them...

Now he has blue teeth.

Why are cows such great coworkers?

Because they’re out standing in their field.


My 8-year-old nephew said this joke today and he can’t stop laughing. I thought you all would enjoy it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HR said I'm not allowed to make up names for my coworkers.

I hope Frankie Fuckface is fucking happy now.

A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He’s the new temp.

A coworker competing with me for a promotion sent me this message: "armed conflict between different nations or states or different groups within a nation or state."

This means war.

Dad jokes from my coworker that he won’t stop saying all day long...

I really hate when non dads say dad jokes. It’s such a faux-pa

We had a storm the other night and 25% of my roof flew away. Oof.

You know lance just isn’t as common of a name as it used to be. You know when it was? The Middle Ages. Guys were named lance a lot.

My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin

I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"

He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."

(True story)

My boss said that I intimidate my coworkers

I stared at him until he apologized.

My coworker was showing off a tattoo, and I said I couldn't get any for myself.

I said, "if I got a tattoo, I couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery."

"Oh! I didn't know you were Jewish!"

"I'm not. That's the third reason I couldn't be buried in a Jewish cemetery."

A coworker came over to my cubicle and asked if we have a ruler in the office.

Me: No, but we have a boss.

A coworker of mine recently took a break to go buy a pack of smokes from the corner store. He didn’t return so I guess that was his way of quitting.

Just like my dad

My girlfriend has a tickle fetish, so I decided to practice on my coworkers

Unfortunately I was fired when my test-tickles were exposed to upper management.

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A coworker asked me my thoughts on “Disband the Police”...

I told him I don’t really listen to them much, but I enjoyed their album “Synchronicity.”

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I think my coworkers are gay

Every time I walk by, they mumble "what an ass"

My coworker is in the hospital after eating a giant bacon cheeseburger.

It was mine.

I told my coworker he should introduce himself like James Bond

The name's Moore, Steve Moore. At least that's what the ladies say.

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The reason why I am getting a divorce..

On my birthday, my wife didn't acknowledge my birthday, my son didn't acknowledge my birthday, my coworkers didn't acknowledge my birthday.

When my manager called me in, she said happy birthday. I said oh! Thanks!

Then she said, wanna get some lunch? And i was like, ok....

Then ...

My Nigerian coworker told me he was leaving early to go the doctor.

I said “ Oh, which doctor?” He responds, “Yeah bro. “

I saw two coworkers at the Costco butcher station being unfriendly to each other.

It seemed like there was some beef between them

For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.

I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.

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A coworker told me I was a pedophile and said I probably had a van that said "Free Candy" on the side.

I told him that would be pointless. My target demographic can't read yet.

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My Muslim coworker brought a CD version of the Quran to work today.

He got really pissed off when I asked if I could burn a copy.

You have to be from Hong Kong to get this joke.

My dad's coworker, Joachim, was applying for a visa to travel to America at the U.S. Consulate in Hong Kong. The immigration officer interviewing him ask where in the U.S. he was planning to stay.

"San Jose" , he answered.

The immigration officer corrects him that in the U.S. they pr...

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My coworker told me she should become a gynaecologist

Because she’s experienced in working with cunts

I just came back from a coworker's funeral who died when he was hit on the head by a tennis ball..

It was a lovely service..

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My coworker treat me like a god

when some shit happen, they crucify me

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One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much oral sex she gets.

She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.

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If I had a dollar for every time this female coworker said something sexist in the office.

I wouldn't feel surprised for receiving the credit and compensation for her ideas.

The other day, I finally asked my pretty amputee coworker out.

She didn't answer, I guess she was stumped.

Two guys were talking about an attractive female coworker

Bob: Why do you like her?

John: She likes guys who drive Audis

Bob: Do you have an Audi?

John: No. But she obviously likes having somebody right up her rear end

Coworker: Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere.

Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in ‘98.

Coworker: Really?

Me: No.

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Kanye’s rise to fame

Right before dropping out of college and kick starting his rap career, Kanye West went to visit his wealthy aunt, Shirlie Faulker, who owned a rubber products manufacturing factory on the outskirts of Paris, France. He decided to spend his summer break working at the factory part time while deciding...

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

My coworker makes pennies.

We work at a mint.

I said some terrible things about my coworkers newborn

She said he was a week old baby and I thought we were roasting him

My coworker thinks the Earth is flat

I told him if that were true, cats would have already found the edge and pushed everything off.

More wisdom from my coworker...

ARMY = Ain't Ready for the Marines Yet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pretty good joke told to me by a coworker

One day little Billy approached Mr. Johnson's house and knocked on the door. After they exchanged a few pleasantries, little Billy asked Mr. Johnson, "Sir, I noticed ya got some milkweed growing in your backyard, mind if go back there and get some milk?" Amused by the request, Mr. Johnson replied, "...

I was talking to a coworker about a project I was working on at home. I didn’t have enough space so I told her I wish I could turn 4 inches into 8

She said she wishes her husband could too

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A guy is talking to his coworker.

Guy: "Man, I got fired."

Coworker: "Oh no! What happened?"

Guy: "Boss told me that if I didn't fuck her right there in the office, I'd get fired."

Coworker: "Oh, and you said no?"

Guy: "No, I said yes!"

Coworker: "So why did you get fired?"
...

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I asked my coworker, why the long face?

She told me to mind my own business.

That horseface bitch is rude.

TIFU by eating my coworker's lunch...

Whoops, wrong sub.

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My very conservative coworker told me about the first time he had sex...

[to view this body of this joke, please upgrade to the Tier II telecom package]

...and I'll never think of jesus the same way again.

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Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

"I'm going for a light lunch," says my coworker as she heads towards the breakroom.

I look up, puzzled, and respond, "You can photosynthesize?!"

My coworker asked me if I wanted to crack open a cold one after work.

And that’s how I learned he was a necrophiliac.

[True story] A coworker never heard of the burger restaurant “Five Guys”

And his daughter told him “I had five guys last night and I’m not feeling well now.”

Today my coworker fell into the reupholstering machine at work

don't worry, he's fully recovered

A man at work has a coworker who truly despises him

Yet year after year on his birthday, the coworker gives the man elegant, expensive ties.

Finally the man can't stand it anymore and asks, "Listen, I know you truly can't stand me, so why all the niceties?"

My boss is refusing to let my string quartet play for a coworker's birthday party next week.

He says he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to workplace violins.

My coworker is unable to attend next week’s innuendo seminar

I have to fill her slot instead

For the past 1 year, I announced to my coworkers i am going to go for a run after work and then i don’t.

This is the longest running joke i’ve had.

So my coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training"

The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."

"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer t...

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My coworkers are mad that I had sex with the naked girl I found in my office.

Apparently I "should've just performed the autopsy."

Overheard a supervisor talking to a coworker

Supervisor: The more comfortable you get, the more mistakes you'll make.

Me: Man, my parents must have been really comfortable in the summer of '76.

My coworker was measuring two cups of creamer, trying to make them even...

I told him not to worry, it was already half and half

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What did the porn star say to her coworker, The Invisible Man?

"Well... I did not see that coming."

sorry if it's a repost, but I've never seen it and I gave myself a chuckle coming up with it.

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Today at work My coworker graced me with this scenario

Guy we know is walking into bathroom.
Coworker says "Good luck."
Guy says "Come and get me if I am not out in 10 minutes."
Coworker says "Write how much you weigh on the wall in case you fall in. That way we know how much shit to pull out."

TIFU by eating my coworkers sandwich instead of mine.

oops wrong sub.

I just found out a coworker was just pretending to be my friend.

He was a placebro.

“Bill,” a sad-faced man says to his coworker,

“I just heard the news about your uncle falling off that cliff. I’m terribly sorry. Were the two of you close?”



“We were just close enough for me to push him,” Bill replies.

A coworker yesterday had some coffee go down the wrong way and he was having a time of it.

I asked if he was ok. He said, "yeah, that's why they call it 'cough-ee'"

Heard this from a coworker

Mr. Red, Mr. Green, Mr. Yellow, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Blue all live on the same street.

Each morning, Mr. Red wakes up in his red room, in his red house, pulls the red covers off of his bed, puts on his red robe, opens his red door, goes down his red stairs to his red kitchen and gets his red b...

A joke a coworker told me today: What do you get when you combine a cow, a duck, a piece of wood, and a rhino?

Cow the duck wood rhino?

One of my coworkers recently had a water crash...

Apparently he was carpooling

I farted at work the other day and my coworker started trying to open the window.

It must have been a really bad one – we work on a submarine.

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My coworker just said, “That’s a nice-ass shirt you’re wearing.”

I said, “Those are called pants, not an ass shirt.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three male coworkers are upset to find that the fourth member of their weekly golf outing will no longer be joining them...

...a female coworker overhears their plight and asks if she can join. The men are hesitant, but in the name of equality they decide to allow it.

"We like to take our time, so we start early," says one of the men.

"No worries," says the woman, "I'll be there at 7:30 or 8:00."

S...

An engineer tells his coworkers about his walk to work

"So I'm walking to work this morning through the park, like I always do, but today was a bit different... A beautiful woman on a bicycle rode up next to me and got off the bike. She stripped naked and put her clothes in a pile next to the bike, then looked right at me and said 'You can have anythi...

My coworker was noodling on an idea

So I offered her a penne for her thoughts

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One of my coworkers overdosed on Viagra

His wife took it pretty hard

A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos

So she asks him what it's for.

He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The blonde immediately buys one for herself.

The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.

Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"

She replies, "Soup and ic...

I genuinely complemented on a coworkers moustache,

Now she's making a big deal with HR about it.

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What is the difference between a coworker in the stables and someone who has sex while high?

One is a fellow mucker...

I dropped the expired blood tubes as I was handing them to my coworker

Now there’s bad blood between us

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Young sex

A 25 year old is at a bar with a coworker. He’s telling stories a out all the crazy shit his girlfriend wants to do in bed, that she wants it day and night and wont take no for an answer. The coworker replies”i mean thats gotta be pretty awesome”. The man replies dude you have no idea. It was ...

Two coworkers in the office:

"How did it end? the fight with your wife"

"She came crawling to me."

"And what did she say?"

"You're gonna have to hit me with the shovel harder than that!"

Went to a kink shop with my coworkers

We had some great team bonding

The other day a coworker caught me checking her out,

but harassment nothing to me.

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Todd comes into work one morning just grinning, and struts straight over to his coworker Jim.

"Damn, man! You know that new secretary, Tiffany? I banged her last night, and I gotta tell you! She was so hot in bed, she was even better than my wife!"

Jim high-fives him and they head off to work.

A few days later, Jim comes strutting in, grinning, and walks straight over to Todd.<...

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A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

While planning a potluck at work, one of my coworkers asked if we had any vegans on the team.

I told her probably not. They would have let us know several times by now.

Get better soon card for coworker.

I wanted to get my coworker a get better soon card. They are not sick or anything I just think they could get better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my coworker was having sex, until we got caught...

It really ruined the family buisness

Me: Would you like to join us for some beers after work?

Coworker: No, my Faith doesn’t allow that.

Me: Oh sorry, are you a Christian?

Coworker: Yes, but Faith is my wife’s name.

Had a dream a horrible coworker came back to work. I woke up worried about it possibly coming true.

Then I remembered I also dreamed my wife and I had intercourse. So that means the entire dream was improbable.

To the coworker that stole my copy of Microsoft Office...

I will find you. I will get it back.

You have my Word.

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