A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.”

The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita.

They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and...

The departing division general manager met a last time with his young successor and gave him three envelopes.

"My predecessor did this for me,and I'll pass the tradition along to you," he said. "At the first sign of trouble, open the first envelope. Any further difficulties, open the second envelope. Then, if problems continue, open the third envelope. Good luck."

The new manager returned to his ...

A man came in to give his application to the manager.

But the manager asked, “Why is there a four-year gap in your application?”

And the man responded, “Yale.”

The manager hired him and the guy said, “Thanks. I needed a yob.”

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

At a boat rental concession the manager spots a boat out on a lake and yells through his megaphone,"Number 99,come in please. Your time is up."

Several minutes pass but the boat doesn't return.

"Boat number 99," He again hollers, "Return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you over time."

"Something's wrong!We only have 75 boats."the manager pauses then raises his megaphone,"Boat number 66,are you okay?"

I bought oats for my horse but they were moldy so I returned them and told the manager he should have better quality control.

He took my feedback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Wendy's manager named Kenney was sitting on his ass in the office during a shorthanded lunch rush, surfing Reddit.

YOU'RE THE JOKE, KENNEY. I CAN SEE YOU. EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU. GET OFF /R/MILF AND GET OUT HERE.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

At a job interview, I was surprised to learn the hiring manager was a snake.

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

Two Doctors and an HMO Manager Die and Line Up Together at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children."

St. Peter lets him enter.

The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped hundreds of people live better lives."

St. Peter tells him to go ahead inside.

The last man s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the manager at the dildo factory tell his staff?

If you build it... they will cum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman walks into a bank and demands to meet the manager.

10 minutes later she is in the managers office.
She shows him several cases full of money and says " I want to deposit this into the bank"

Wary, the manager inquires " may i ask where you got that money from".
To which she replied" these are my gambling winnings".

To prove it s...

A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”

A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hiring manager: "What's your greatest weakness?"

Man: "I’d say honesty ."

Hiring manager: "I don't think that's a weakness."

Man: "I don't give a fuck what you think."

Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?

She wanted to see the task manager.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Manager of a company has to make a hard choice:

Lay off Jack or Jane.

They are both superb workers, but the company has run into hard times.

In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets up from her desk to get some water.

The manager decides to use this opportunity to break the bad news to her.

Manager: "Jan...

Why did the manager fire the corn?

Cause he was sleeping on the cob!

I got fired on my first day as a car salesman

Customer: "cargo space?"

Me: " no, car no fly, car go roads"

Manager: " can I see you in my office?"

A newly hired operations manager spends a week with the outgoing operations manager in order to learn his new duties and responsibilities.

As the outgoing manager gets ready to leave for good, he tells the new manager that he has placed three numbered envelopes in the top drawer of the desk. He tells the new manager that each time he runs into a crisis that he cannot solve to open an envelope, starting with the first one, and follow th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young guy from West Virginia moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and
figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the bank manager who was caught having an affair with an employee?

They were fired for having safe sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My manager is a dick

Maybe that’s why he works at the sperm bank

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man walks into a bank and says to the the teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account.”

The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, but we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.”

The teller then leaves the window and walks over to her manager to explain the situation.

The manager agrees that the teller shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of language. <...

A Frog walks into a bank

And introduces himself to the teller, Patricia Whack. He says “Hello Mrs Whack, my name is Kermit Jagger, I am the son of Mick Jagger who is a friend of the manager at this bank. On behalf of my father, I would like to make a $1 million loan.”

Patricia says “For a loan that large we’ll need s...

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

A man goes to a restaurant

He orders the soup.

The waiter brings him the soup.

After a few min he flagges the waiter down.

"Is there something wrong sir?"

"I can't eat this soup"

"let me get the manager"

The manager comes over

"What is wrong sir?"

"I can't eat this soup"...

Engineer vs Manager

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must...

Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant

They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed - service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside.

The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in...

Debra complains to the club manager.

Debra complains to the club manager, ''I got stung by a bee on your golf course!''
"Where?," he inquires.
''Between the first and second hole,'' she replies.

''Oh, your stance is too wide.''

A man at a restaurant ordered a soup

The waitress brings it out and the man just sat there, not even having the soup he ordered. The waitress notices him not eating and a few minutes later she approaches him and asked "Is everything alright with the food?" And he just replied "try it" and she refused saying "sir it's against company po...

So I was in the supermarket this morning and I had an accident when all the Omega-3 feel on me

I'm ok, the manager assured me my injuries where Super fish oil.

Jose a man who forces their pet to be vegan wakes up to go to a job interview

Jose gets things together to leave and drives down to the comedy club.

Jose: “Hi, I’m here for an interview.”

Manager: “Sure just go up on the stage and we’ll be with you soon.”

Jose looks confused but walks up on the stage. The manager starts to whisper something to everyone a...

The banquet manager was walking by holding a hot bowl of soup...

She said "hot stuff coming through"

I responded "oh? What are you carrying then?"

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her.

“Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher o...

My manager said if I make one more mistake that I'll be fired.

So to save myself I've made several mistakes.

Why did the white lady want to talk the manager into giving her a free item?

Because Sharon is Karen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack off...

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that th...

What do you call a manager who is short?

A micro-manager.

I came into work late and my manager said "you're late!"

I said, "no, i'm early for tomorrow."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man named Paddy was having a meeting with his manager Nick

Nick turned to Paddy and said to him "Mr Whack, on this CCTV camera, I have caught you having sex with a dog."

"I'm terribly sorry sir" says Paddy, "but there must be some kind of mixup."

Nick looks at him and shouts "I've got CCTV footage of the incident right here" and he plays the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anal Deodorant

A guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the assistant behind the counter "Can you tell me where the anal deodorant is please?"

The assistant looks confused and says "I'm sorry sir, I don't think we stock that".

"Are you sure?" he says, "I'm nearly certain I got my last stick of it from her...

Eminem is the first celebrity to get the Wuhan Virus.

A statement from his manager says that Eminem admitted himself to the emergency department because his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Doctors say he presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was moms spaghetti. Mathers said that he was "nervous"...

I recently became the manager of a small shop

The first thing I did was install a big barrier around the cooked meat and sandwiches section. My employees asked me why so I told them.

A good manager relies on Deli gating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rednecks are at work, digging a trench

Two rednecks, Billy and Bob, are at work digging a trench. The sun is beating down on them, sweat is dripping off their faces, and their hands are blistered from the shovels.

After slogging away at this for days, they start to grumble at the misery of their lot. Eventually Billy says to Bob,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An office manager had money problems and had to fire one of two employees, either Jack or Jill.

He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.

Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see wh...

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

What do a necrophiliac coroner and an alcoholic office manager have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one at work

Project Manager:

A person who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.

Why does Plankton's wife always complain to him?

Because that's what happens when Karen speaks to the manager.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"We are the most diverse and progressive office in the country!"

A white man of about 35 sat down in the manager's office, ready for his interview. He was applying for a job as a chemical engineer, trying to engineer cleaner catalytic converters for cars.

"So, welcome to Cleaner Industries! We are the most diverse and progressive office in the country!" sa...

New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

"Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:"

If they say "How much are the mangoes?" You say "$5 a kilo"

If they ask if they're ripe, you say "Some are, some aren't"

If they say they don't want to buy, you shrug and say "If you don't, someone e...

There was once a man

Let's call him Jim. Jim had a remarkably ordinary life. He went to school, got his degree, got himself a secure office job, set up his pension fund, met a nice girl, got married, and had 2 wonderful sons. Jim was set for life. But he was bored.

It was that sneaky boredom that you don't quite ...

A man and his wife are on a business trip

A man and his wife where on a business trip. It was supposed to only take 1 day, and they expected to be home that night, but it took longer than expected and tired of a long day having a meeting, they decide to stay in a hotel and return the next day.

They slept well and the next morning, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A highly successful manager was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass

Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

Ardy goes to a super market,

He buys his groceries, and goes to the checkout.

Ardy gets all of his items scanned, and pays for the food.

When Ardy gets his change back, he notices that he is one dollar short, and tells the cashier.

The cashier is adamant that he gave Ardy the proper amount of change.
...

20 canibals started working in an IT company

After about six months their boss comes up to them and says that he is very pleased with their work, that they're exemplary emloyees and that he is very happy to have them. He also says that the cleaning lady has vanished a couple of days ago and asks if they happen to know anything about that.
<...

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?

He felt it was a tripping hazard.

My friend who is an arborist just got promoted to a new position!

Branch manager...

Last Name Only !

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.



“What’s your name?” he asked the new guy.



“John,” the new guy replied.



The manager scowled, “Look... I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you work...

I thought I was hired as a manager in a Spanish company. But then they called me and asked me for an interview.

I wasn’t quite expecting the Spanish Inc. Quiz Session

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just walked in on my manager vigorously masturbating.

He told me to stop vigorously masturbating and get the hell out of his office.

A cat walks in a coffee bar

A cat walks in a coffee bar. She goes straight to the bartender and with a very normal human voice ask for a long black coffee. The bartender is amazed and reply: “You are talking ?? Never saw a talking cat !...” . “Well, indeed, never been in this coffee shop before” the cat answered.

Barte...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.