A man is struggling to find a parking space. “Lord,” he prays. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot.

Without hesitation, the man says: “Never mind, I found one!”

Women are like parking spaces

All the good ones are taken so when no ones looking you put it in a disabled one

Bill is smart, He built only 20 parking spaces.

One company owner asked the other- Tell me Bill, How come your employees are always on time in the morning?

Bill- Easy 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in fr...

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A man is late for work, and desperately tries to find a parking space...

His boss has already told him before that if he is late one more time, he'll be fired on the spot.

The man is circling around the parking lot, but still all the spaces are completely full.

Suddenly, the man stops his car, puts his hands together and looks towards the sky.

"Dear ...

A guy was trying to find a parking space at a baseball game

and he was already missing the first inning, so he prayed to God and said "If you find a parking space for me I promise I'll never miss church again." Just then a car pulled out of a space right in front of him, and the guy said "Never mind, I just found one."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's looking for a parking space

However, parking is terrible, and the traffic is pouring in. At wit's end, the man turns to God.

"Lord, please, please, help me find a parking spot. I'll stop my drinking, stop my cursing, I'll stop looking at porn- oop, nevermind, here's one."

A man is looking for a parking space

Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.

"Nev...

I decorated my parking space the other day.

It changed a whole lot.

It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces.

They're officially labeled as Cowasockies.

Parking spaces are similiar to girls...

All the best ones are taken so sometimes you have to stick it in a disabled one.

And once you choose one you always see a better one.


(Edit) spelling

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

"You're two shellfish."

I found a parking space that costs £70 a month.

Excellent, now I just need to move out my bed, fridge and shower.

How many parking spaces in front of the average store?

A lot.

Praying for a parking space..

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I’ll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.”
Mir...

My wife always takes up two parking spaces.

She ought to go on a diet.

A young teen driving a brand new Porsche was looking for a parking space ...

He sees a spot near the front of the store, but another car starts pulling into it. The young teen decides he will pull into it first since he has a fast car.

As he steps out of the car, the old man in the other car gets out and says "Hey, I was parking in that spot, why did you pull in to...

A driver in Manhattan is looking for a parking space

He is driving for 30 minutes looking for a place to park his car. Desperately, he looks up and pray to god: "God if you get me a parking space, i will go religious, never drink, lie or swear and will help people from now on".
As he finishes that - he sees a huge parking space. He lifts his head u...

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Let's go to Hooters!

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories.

At **age 32** they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where do you wanna go?"
...

A company owner was asked a question,

How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...

After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..

Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a ...

Elon Musk: Did you move my car?

Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

Two managing directors ...

Two managing directors are talking. "Tell me, Eric. How do you get your employees to show up so early every morning?"

Eric: "Very simple. I have 50 employees but only 40 parking spaces".

A couple is anxiously waiting to hear the results of a medical test for their unborn child. The doctor says: "I will start with the good news;

Your child will always find a parking space."

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c...

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A tough piece of back tarmac is having a pint at the bar.

The bartender notices a muscled red piece of tarmac enter the bar, and asks the black piece if he could take him in a fight.

'Of course mate, he's a fucking bus lane.'

A little while later, a blue piece of tarmac enters the bar. The bartender again asks if the black piece could beat hi...

Young v Old Drivers

Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space when a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for. Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and enquired, through gritted teeth, 'I was about to park there.' ...

Some bloke wants to become a lawyer

The guy (lets call him John) has been dreaming about being the greatest lawyer in the state for years, and has spent the past half a decade working super hard at law school to achieve this goal.

One day, he gets an interview for a highly successful law firm called "Anderson and Nelson At Law"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish man is on the way to the hospital for the birth of his first child

Callahan, an Irish man, is racing through the city to get to the hospital where his wife has just been taken to give birth to their first child.


There's nowhere to park, and he's going mad trying to find a spot.


Finally in a panic, he gives up and says "Lord, please.. I'm not a...

You're heard of manspreading, but have you ever heard of womanspreading?

It's when a car takes up 2 parking spaces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke from Israel

One guy is driving his car in Tel-Aviv, looking for a parking spot. It's a busy day, and there's absolutely nothing available. So he starts praying to God. "Please, God, I need a parking space. Help me. I promise to go to the temple every Saturday, I promise to fast on Yom-Kippur, I will give money ...

Patty O'Mally

So Patty O'Mally is running late to an extremely important meeting in downtown Dublin. He has been driving around and around for blocks and can not find a parking space. He is feeling panicky and anxious. Finally in desperation, he cries out to the Lord in Heaven, "Dear God! Please help me find a pa...

Parking spot

Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a female driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available.

The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!" Well...

An Irishman has a drinking problem...

..that causes him to almost never arrive to work on time. His boss, frustrated by the man's lack of punctuality, warns him that if he is late to work one more day, he'll be fired.

The next day, the man makes sure to arrive to work on time, but is surprised to find that he can't find a space ...

Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"

At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"

Hell of a driver

A young man approaches a bus stop to find an older gentleman man sitting down and just facing forward. “Hell..of...a… driver…” says the older gent. The young man doesn’t think much of it. A few minutes pass and again the man blurts out “Hell of a driver!” Perplexed, the young man turns the older man...

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simply genius

Joe is late for work again and cant find a regular parking space, so he parks on a parking space for disabled persons. His boss, however, is not the forgiving kind and fires him right off the bat for being late. Devastated, Joe walks to the parking lot just to see a meter maid writing him a ticket. ...

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