Floating Jokes - 33 Hilarious Floating Jokes

An apple and a poo were floating down the river.

The poo yells: "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple says: "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"

A little further down the river the poo yells again, "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple disgustingly replies, "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"

Suddenly a man grabs the apple out the riv...

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

What do you call a dog floating in water?

A good buoy

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?

Bob.

There's a floating piece of ham!

I'll believe it when pigs fly.

My little brother won a goldfish at the local fair. Sadly, the next morning he was floating dead in his little pond.

So now I have to look after the fish.

Two balloons were floating through the desert

"Hey look, a cactussssss...."

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A man was on a ship that sunk, and after floating for days he washed up on a deserted island....

He was stranded for many years on this island, but fortunately food was easy to come by. Fruits and vegetables grew abundantly all over the island, and the fish were so easy to catch it was almost like they *wanted* to be caught. Unfortunately, this meant that he had hours and hours of free time th...

Did you hear about the guy with dementia floating out into the great salt lake?

He was drifting slowly into salinity.

A luxury boat sank and a passenger was holding on to a floating piano...

All of a sudden, someone floats by sitting atop a floating cello and asks: “ May I accompany you?”

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[Translated] a maid sees a used condom floating in the commode and frantically calls the madam .

When the madam arrives,she points the condom and asks " What's this ?"

Madam who was clearly annoyed asks " Don't they have sex in your Village? "

Maid " we do but not so much that skin falls off'

What's floating above a mass grave?

Team spirit

A floating head walks into a bar.

He sits down at the bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Upon downing the glass, the man's torso suddenly appears.

"Wow this beer sure is amazing!" Says the man."Bring me another!"

So the bartender brings him another drink, and after finishing it, the man's arms appear.

"Fant...

Three in floating in the Ocean.

Three men floating in the ocean in a life raft when a smoke-filled bottle bumps the raft. One guy picks it up and opens it. Out comes the Genie. I will grant you each one wish but it can’t be changed…..The first guy shouts-out, turn the ocean to beer. The other two look at him then shake their heads...

I had a dream I was floating in a sea of Orange bliss.

Too bad it was only a fanta sea.

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(An old joke I heard. So sorry if I mess up with the wording.) A dead body was found floating in the river.

..The police recovered it, and found a wallet with the body. They found out that the wallet belonged to Mr. Smith. But they still weren't sure if the dead body was of Mr. Smith or not.

So they did some investigation and found out about the twin brothers Mark and Harry, who were very close fri...

I kept wondering why the ball was floating in front of me

Then it hit me

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My wife wanted some floating shelves in the sitting room.

Now all she does is bitch about the water.

What will you call a big broken glacier piece, floating towards United Kingdom?

Iceburgh

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The floating man

A man named Billy was drinking on a rooftop bar when a dapper fellow came up next to him and ordered a drink.
"Ill take the usual" the dapper fellow says, and the barkeep reaches under the bar and pours the man a shot. He takes it, walks over to the edge of the roof, and jumps.
Billy runs ov...

A man walked past a floating string...

*m* - "Where did you learn to do that?"

*s* - "I'm self-taut!"

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What do you call a used Tampon floating down a river?

A blood vessel.

Two amoebae are floating along in a prehistoric ocean.

Amoeba 1: Weird...I think I just took in a breath of air.

Amoeba 2: Nah. You're probably imagining things.

Amoeba 1: Yeah. False aspirations, I guess.

Why was my TV floating out of my house?

There was a Boo-gler

What did the boat say when it stopped floating?

Oh buoy...

When the titanic crashed, what were they floating on?

An iPhone 7, there was no Jack.

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Two irishmen, lost at sea...

Two irishmen are floating on a boat, lost at sea. They ran out of food a couple of days ago, and ran out of water just today, so naturally they're pretty desperate.

Out on the water, one of them spies a genie's lamp, and they both frantically paddle towards it.

One of them pull out the...

I'm opening a floating restaurant on a houseboat where we sell ice cream tacos, and our mascot is a gorilla dressed like an ancient Mongolian warrior.

I call it "Attila Gorilla's Vanilla Tortilla Flotilla"

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Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf at a club famous for it's floating green.

When approaching the tee box Moses reminds Jesus that he never makes the green and he should just lay it up for the easy chip. Jesus replies, "Arnold Palmer drives this green, so can I."

Sure enough, plop in the water goes Jesus's ball. Moses being nice, parts the water and retrieves the bal...

I walked passed the sea and thought I saw a severed hand floating

Turns out it was just a wave

There’s three paraplegics. One is floating in water, one is on your door step and one is hanging on your wall.

Meet Bob, Matt and Art.

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There's so much porn floating around the internet these days...

I just shake my fist.

What did they find floating in the toilet of the S.S Enterprise?

Captains Log

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