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Grate Jokes

Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

Why is it so hot at the Grateful Dead concert?

Because their fans don't work.

What did the Grateful Dead fan say when he ran out of weed?

"Wow, this music really sucks"

Two men found many bags full of money. To be grateful, they decided to share it with God, meaning people in need.

The first man drew a line on the floor and said: I'll throw my part through the air, what comes down on the right side is mine, and on the left side is for the poor, that's God's will.

The second man said: I'll throw all my part through the air, and God will give me back what he wants and kee...

What’s the difference between a sewer grate and a neckbeard?

A sewer grate is less of a drain in society.

A grate dad!

Dad, how does it feels to have the most beautiful son in the world?
I do not know son, ask your grandfather.

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

Full Funny Joke 2016 best the grate joke.

Funny Joke
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing ...

What do you call a grateful train?

Thomas the Thanks Engine

I have just bought myself a new cheese grater

Must say, grate things came out of this.

(edit - sorry for the cheesy joke)

I said to my teenage son "There are two words I'm hearing a lot, and they're starting to grate"

"I'd like you to stop using them so much, please. One of them is 'cringe' and the other is 'epic'. Do you think you could manage that?"

He said "Sure, Dad -- what are the two words?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grateful Girl

A man goes into his usual bar and says to the bartender, "You'll never guess what happened to me last night!"


Bartender says, "What happened?"


"Well", says the man, "After I left here I was walking home on my usual route when I saw a girl tied to the railways tracks. I ran ...

I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word "plethora" for me...

It meant a lot.

Why is Germany the most grateful country?

Because in WWII they sent their tanks in advance

This might sound so cheesy

but I think you are really grate.

There are two types of puns.

The great puns, which are great to hear, and the grate puns, which grate your ears.

What do you call a grateful salamander?

Thanxolotl

What do you call an ungrateful salamander?

*Thanx*o*lot*l

What do you call a slightly grateful salamander?

Thanxolitl

The waiter came by and grated cheese for me

I told him I was grateful

I’m grateful to you for teaching me the definition of ‘abundance’

It means a lot.

A woman bought a bag of terribly grated cheese

She regrated it later.

I'm so grateful to say I don't drink any more.

But, I don't drink any less.

I'm very grateful that somebody invented window blinds...

Otherwise it would be curtains for all of us!

Dear son; Your mom and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time. Dad

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

\----------------------------------------

Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What should you be grateful for when a bird shits on your head?

That cows don’t have wings.

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man looks good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue sui...

I am so grateful to say I've been sober since 2015

Or for those that don't use military time, since 8:15 p.m. last night.

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Won...

Can you name a grateful astronomer?

How about Neil Degracias Tyson?

My friend was grateful when I told her about the supernatural cure for the virus.

I knew I made the right choice when I told her witch doctor to go to.

When someone explains something of higher intellect, don’t feel inferior, feel grateful.

It means more than you know.

Apparently loads of people turned away from voting for Trump coz he wanted to ban shredded cheese

He wanted to Make America Grate again.

The Australian government wishes to band grated cheese

They want to make Australia grate again

What do Grateful Dead fans say when they run out of drugs?

Hey guys, what's that horrible music?

Source: A friend who followed the Dead around told me this years ago.

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as...

"The most violent book I have ever read"

Thank you student loans, I'm so grateful for your help in getting me through college...

I don't think I can ever pay you back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife if I caught her fucking The Grateful Dead again, I'd order a mob hit on her.

Now she's sleeping with the Phish.

So this guy lost his right foot in an accident

Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.

Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.

Horrified, she straight cal...

I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake.

It had some chunks, but it was delicious.

Out of all the Thanes of the alphabet, who is the most grateful?

Thane Q

A big bus stops at a roadside eatery.

The passengers flood inside the eatery and as they take their respective seats the driver calls the manager aside and explains, "Look sir, we're from the mental asylum down the road. I'm taking the inmates for a ride. When they're done eating they will insist on paying with bottle caps like they do ...

At first people think i should be grateful when I say my wife made me a millionaire

They change their minds when i tell them I was a billionaire before i got married.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

A religious man was thinking about how good his wife was to him, so he prayed to god to give thanks.

To the man’s astonishment, the booming voice of god spoke to him.

**Man:** God, I’m so grateful that you gave me my wife. If I may ask, my Lord, why did you make her so beautiful?

**God:** I made her so beautiful so that you could love her, my son.

**Man:** And why did you mak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Go kill that son of a bitch

One fine morning an English billionaire was taking a walk with his dog. Suddenly a Pakistani came out from the bushes and shot the poor dog three times. The dog died.

The billionaire screamed at the killer, “Why did you do that?”

The killer answered, "Your wife gave me £ 50,000 and to...

(6yo nephew came to me and blurted) What does the cheese say to the other cheese passing by ?

Have a grate day.

I left my grated cheese in front of my child, and he pressed it back into one. Guess I shouldn't have left it out

I am regrating it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a well-known fact that Hitler...

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.

One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Wisconsin a woman donated a kidney to a dairy farmer and he was so grateful he agreed to marry her. The preacher said: “what God has joined let no man put asunder.” The groom interrupted: “what’s asunder?”

The preacher said “apart.” The farmer said “a part of what?” “Apart from your wife” said the now frustrated minister. The groom said “shit! I already got a part from her.”

a blonde desperately wanted to win the lottery.

So she prayed to God one day and asked him to help her win the lottery.

The next morning the blonde woke up and she didn't win. So she prayed to God again asking to win the lottery. She reasoned that she'll use the money to do a lot of good and cure all diseases in the world.

The next ...

Because of his loss in Wisconsin, Trump has put a ban on all shredded cheese.

It's the only way he can make America GRATE again.

Credit to my 12 year old son.

My local Trump-supporting grocery store has stopped selling all pre-shredded cheeses

... they want to make America grate again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a group of troubled teenagers bored in a small town.

There was a group of troubled teenagers who were bored in a small town. They egged their neighbor's house, TPed the one down the road, and just generally caused mischief but they were running out of original ideas to keep it fresh.

One of them decided to go down to the expressway overpass and...

I got a really cheesy joke I wanna share

Never mind it's not too grate.

Damn I suck.

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"

The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."

The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."

The man, ...

Mother Milk was so proud of her son, Parmesan.

She knew he would do grate things.

I don't have anything I can use to shred my cheese

But if I did that'd be grate

Why aren’t more conservatives protesting the sales of pre-shredded cheese?

I thought we were trying to make America grate again.

A bunch a cheeses got together to start a religion a long time ago.

They worship cheesus christ our grate lord and savior. The religion could be cheddar, but it's aged well. A few holes in their thinking, and I personally wouldn't swiss over anytime soon. Gouda them though for uniting themselves, but holy cow does their religion stink.

I had my first interview for a cheese company

I think it went grate

The very last thing my dad said to me before he died was 'You need one of those things that you can shred cheese with'...

That was some grate advice.

Republicans are trying to put an ammendment into relief bill to outlaw prepackaged shredded cheese...

...in an attempt to make America grate again.

Who doesn't like cheesy puns...

They're just so grate!

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"...

This is a joke I heard back in 2000

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wan...

The Hitchhiker.

A man is driving across the state to see his wife when he sees a Native American hitchhiker on the side of the road. Thinking he could do with some company, he pulls over and lets the man in, offering him a ride home.

The Native man is grateful, but our driver notices that he keeps eyeing the...

Don’t let anyone insult the quality of your cheese.

You can always make it grate.

You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore.

Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently.

You should buy the new Mac Pro

It has a grate design.

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

An ice-cream man was found dead at his home.

He was covered in strawberry syrup, hot fudge sauce, crushed nuts, and grated chocolate.

Police believe that he topped himself.

A child was doing some dishes

A child, around 11 years old, was doing dishes.

His parents were talking in the kitchen when they noticed him furiously scrubbing at the cheese grater.

"What's the matter, James?" His mother sweetly asked. James only scrubbed harder.

'Can't...get this cheese...off...'

His...

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

I bought my blind friend a cheesegrater

He told me that it was the most violent book he's ever read!

There is an initiative...

There is an initiative by the US government and the American Dairy Counsel that cheese needs to be sold only in block form. By doing this we could make America Grate Again.

The campaign to re-irritate our international allies is called:

Make America Grate Again

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