Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; “wow! It’s warm in here!”
The other replies “Argh!!! A talking egg!”

Fat-free French fries

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

...

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband....

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I sa...

I heard the ladies really like a good stir fry.

You can tell by the way I use my wok, I'm a woman's man.

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in you frying pan?

Take away their little brooms.

My roommate scratched my non stick frying pan so I had to get rid of it.

Anyone looking for an apartment?

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What do you call a man cooking stir-fry in a Japanese technology company?

Sony wok man.

A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c...

What Did Heracles Fry Food In?

Ancient Grease.

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

You fry fries...

But you should never cook cooks.

Why did the fry cook go to jail?

He battered his wife.

I got fired from my Job at Panda Express for forwarding pictures of bad stir fry.

My boss said I should have labeled them Not Safe For Wok

What did the egg say to the frying pan?

I’m sorry I can’t get hard... I just got laid.

Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t actually cooked in France?

It was cooked in Greece.

My wife said, “Why are all the potatoes burnt to a crisp?”

I said, “That’s for tomorrow.”

My wife: Huh?

Me: It’s Black Fry Day.

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.

In the meat depar...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

A regional manager of a Chinese restaurant chain was visiting one of the stores around the holidays.

He was there to check how the store was doing, making sure safety protocols were in place, making sure it was clean, etc. Upon entering the restaurant he was greeted with Christmas decor, lights, garland, Santa clauses everywhere, and holiday music.
“What’s with the get up?” The manager asked. <...

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

How does Walter White make a stir fry?

With Ricin

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A grim man enters an otolaryngologist's cabinet and whips out his penis...

...and it's all bluish and visibly not okay. The doctor, shocked: "You're in the wrong cabinet, you need to see the urologist!"

"No," says man. "The thing is, me and my friends go to a sauna once a month..."

"Ah, so then you'll need a dermatologist if it's caused by an STD" - interrupt...

A French fry walks into a bar

\- Can I see the menu, please?

\- I'm sorry, but we don't serve food.

What do you call it when a wizard hits you with a frying pan

Cast iron

Is that a frying pan in the pantry?

No. It’s a wok in closet.

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle?

You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

I tried to deep fry my turkey this year but it went horribly wrong

Boom. Roasted.

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