Orange Juice Jokes - 72 Hilarious Orange Juice Jokes

I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory......

I just couldn’t concentrate.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a vodka and orange juice...

The bartender says, Sure thing, turns around and mixes his drink, and sets a human skull shaped into a mug in front of him.

The man says, WTF! I just wanted vodka and orange juice!

The bartender says, Yeah, that's a Philips head screwdriver.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'

The next peron that asks me for pineaaple juice, cranberry juice, apple juice and orange juice in the same glass

Is going to get a punch.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.

What does orange juice and my dad have in common?

They both slap harder when mixed with alcohol.

Yo mama so dumb

that she spent 5 hours staring at a glass of orange juice because it said ‘concentrate’ on the package.

What Star Wars charactor likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

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The orange juice complained to his therapist that no one wanted to drink him because he had too much pulp.

He was so depressed that he wanted to throw himself from the highest refrigerated shelf.

“Try to restrain yourself,” said the therapist.

What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?

Pulp fiction.

The reason orange juice doesn't slide well on hard wood floors is

Because of pulp friction.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

In Soviet Union a Screwdriver is not Orange Juice with Vodka...

It’s Vodka with Orange Juice

(Jokester’s Note: Russian Vodka is the best in the world regarding to taste, which inspired me to make this joke, love y’all(as far as a westerner goes))

Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it's flippers.

Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion

Three weddings were occurring the same hotel one weekend.

After the ceremonies and wedding meals, all three grooms happened to be at the bar at the same time and they got talking about how they were looking forward to their wedding nights.

The first groom said "Hey we should let each other know how we got on. How about, at breakfast, the number of ...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

My doctor said I need freshly squeezed orange juice everyday

I cannot concentrate!

[OC] What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?

Alcoholism

What do you call the head of an Orange juice factory?

Chief Naval Officer

Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.

You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.

What do you call a program that teaches kids how to make orange juice?

A concentration camp

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

I was having breakfast at a hotel, and I went to get some orange juice but there was a long line of people waiting there for some. So I went to the Apple juice line, and again, there was a long line. So I decided to have some punch instead.

I was relieved to see that there was no punchline.

My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

I added some fruit and orange juice. Now she's sangria than ever.

I drove by a truck carrying canned orange juice and almost got into an accident.

I should have concentrated on the road.

I just found out that 10 fl oz of orange juice has 28g of sugar

Who knew that OJ is the real killer

Malicious compliance that isn't.

The following is a true story.

When I was young, I wanted a glass of orange juice. I was used to the stuff with the pulp in it. Going to the kitchen where my mother was already located, I got a glass, pulled out the carton of OJ, screwed off the top, lifted the carton, filled my glass, put th...

A band of russian friend are in their hotel room, joking about Stalin’s regime and cracking political jokes.

Worried that they were going too far, Sasha decides to play a practical joke on his pals and lighten the mood a bit. He slips downstairs to the lobby and asks the receptionist for an orange juice to be brought to room 304.

When he comes back to the room, he tells his friends “Guys, stop playi...

Two pieces of Road walk into a bar

They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.

15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.

The bartender notices this ...

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Two Arabs and a Jew are on a train together ...

They all relax, take off their shoes, and start making small talk. After a while, the Jew says, "Who wants a drink?" The Arabs say they would like orange juice, so he gets up, and goes to buy juice. While he's gone, the Arabs spit in his shoes.

When they reach their destination, they put t...

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What do you call a cocktail of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk a carton of eggs a quart of orange juice a head of romaine lettuce a 2 lb. can of coffee a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict'...

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Freudian Slip

Two men are sitting at a bar, both of them have a fresh black-eye.

First guy: (pointing at shiner) **So what happened to you?**

Second guy: **Freudian slip**

First guy: **What's that?**

Second guy: **That's when you accidentally say what you're thinking subconsciously, I ...

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A woman walks into the farmer’s market and says,

“I’d like to buy some tomatoes.”

The clerk says, “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re all out of tomatoes, and won’t have any for a few days.”
So the woman leaves.

A few hours later, the same woman shows up and says, “I’d like to buy some tomatoes.”

The clerk says, “I apologize miss...

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Scientist walks into bar with an apple...

He sits down and the bartender says, "what's the apple for?" Scientist says "I made this apple taste like a screwdriver. Here, try it."
The bartender grabs it and takes a bite. "Woah! Tastes like vodka!"
"Turn it around," the scientist says. The bartender turns it around and takes another bite...

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

Grandmother gets a new doctor.

The doctor that had been seeing this 80 year old woman finally retired, at her next checkup her new doctor told her to bring all of her medicines that have been prescribed to her.

As the new doctor was going through them his eyes grew wide as he realized this grandmother had a prescription fo...

One day, a shopkeeper put his dumb son incharge of his shop as he had to go out of town .

A customer comes in and asks, "Can I get a Tropicana Orange juice bottle?"

The son searches in the shop for sometime, sways his head and says, "No, we don't have a Tropicana Orange juice bottle."

That night, when the son tells this to his father, he angrily says, "Fool! We had minute m...

A mother starts breastfeeding her baby in a park

A man finds this amusing and asks the woman "Your baby looks healthy, what do you feed it?"

Woman: "Breastmilk and orange juice"

Man: "Which side's the orange juice? I wanna try"

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get ...

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God invited three presidents - Putin, Lukashenko and Trump - to his place.

"I need to have a very important conversation with you later. So, make yourselves at home, I have a magic swimming pool with a high diving-board, just say a word, and all the water from the pool turn into that", said God, "Just look! Orange juice!" And all the water instantly became orange juice....

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When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

Haven't done that in a year..

A Dad wakes up and starts making breakfast on New Years Day. The son comes down to the kitchen and as the Dad serves him eggs he goes:

"Morning son, it looks like you haven't eaten all year."

The son scowls at the terrible Dad joke and digs into his eggs. The daughter comes down to th...

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What does a man with a tiny penis have for breakfast?

Well this morning I had a PopTart, 2 eggs and a glass of orange juice.

The blonde was heading out to the grocery store...

...when her roommate said, "Hey, buy a quart of orange juice. And if they have eggs, get a dozen."

Half an hour later the blonde came in the door carrying four cartons of juice. "There's eight more in the car," she said.

"Why in the world did you buy 12 quarts??" asked her roommate.<...

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A mailman is working his last day on a route he's been doing for 20 years

He gets to the first house and a man greets him at the door with a very expensive bottle of wine and thanks him for his service. He arrives at the next house and is greeted by the entire family with a box of Cuban cigars and everyone wishes him a happy retirement.

He arrives at the third hous...

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A Four-year-old boy and his dad sit at the kitchen table.

It's Sunday morning and mom just made breakfast. On the table is french toast covered in butter and doused with their favorite maple syrup. There are four slices of bacon on each plate and an overwhelming amount of scrambled eggs. A tall glass of orange juice demands their attention. The boy and his...

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A Dane, Swede and a Norwegian stumbled upon a magic fairy next to three pools.

The fairy told them that she would turn the water in each of the pools into whatever they want once they jump in the water. The Norwegian immediatly jumps and shouts "Soda!" and the water turns to soda. The Dane is up next, and he screams "Orange juice!" and the water turns to orange juice. When it'...

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

Them: Whose skull is that?

Me: *raising it to my lips to take a drink* a guy named Phillip.

Them: What's in it?

Me: Vodka and orange juice.

Them: .....

Me: It's a "Phillips Head Screw Driver"

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This little boy came down to breakfast

and when he got to the table, his mom had ,bacon, eggs and milk on the table, but before he could eat, he had to take out the trash like his mother told him the night before. He was pissed, so he stormed out the door, and on his way to the trash bin he kicked a chicken, and then a pig and a cow. Whe...

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What do you get if you mix Donald trump and a jew

Orange juice

What to do if you found out you Facebook date is ugly

So a guy named Jack was talking to a girl on facebook for a long time, and decided they should meet at a coffee shop or something. Neither one of them knows how other one looks like, so the girl told him what she will be wearing for the meeting, and the guy told her that he will be drinking orange j...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Screwdriver, so the bartender hands him an apple

Confused, the man says "Bartender, I would like the drink." The bar tender shakes his head no and says "Just eat the apple."

The man takes a bite out of the apple and to his surprise he says "Wow, this tastes like vodka!" and the bartender says "Turn it around." So the man turns the apple aro...

It’s my first time in court and the The judge said “ORDER”!

And I quickly replied “fried rice, spring rolls and orange juice- now two policemen are escorting me outside and I think we are going to a restaurant :)

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket.

One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.

Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.

Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.

When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded...

A joke told to me today by a little old man at Taco Bell completely out of the blue

Why was the man fired from his job at the orange juice factory?

He couldn’t concentrate.

A long time ago, a father, visiting America from Europe for...

...the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.

He constantly asked questions about products he saw: "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh 'orange juice.'"

A few minutes later, in...

2 slabs of concrete walk into a bar..

They sit down and start discussing how tough they are, until the barman asks what they want.

Concrete 1: I'll have a pint, and a shot of tequila, because I'm hard! I'm tough and can handle anything!

So the barman gets his drinks and asks the second.

Concrete 2: me? I'll have 2 p...

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A Rabbi took a vacation to Mexico

While there, he met a Mexican priest on the street. They get to talking about this and that and start to have nice conversation. It's decided that they'll go to a place that the priest likes for dinner together. After they're seated, the Rabbi gets curious about something. "Padre, are there any Mexi...

Why did the customer drink the apple juice?

Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.

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Freudian Slip

Two guys were talking when one said "Man, I was at the train station the other day and had a Freudian slip. It was so embarrassing. I wanted a ticket to Pittsburgh, but the woman had such big, nice breasts, I asked for a ticket to Titsburgh!"

The other guy replied, "That's nothing. This morni...

number 5

I was walking down the street a few days ago I happened upon my good friend Tim. I waved him over and told him I had the craziest dream the other night.

Tim listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge, bright, number -5-. It was made of gold and shined li...

I have a friend named Phillip

He loves mixing orange juice and vodka. Loves it so much that he had a special glass made with his face on it.

It's always nice to see Phillip's head screwdrivers.

How can you tell when you're in a math problem?

Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.

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A Jewish man walks onto a plane.

His seat on his ticket is in the middle of a Christian and a Muslim man. Looking towards history, these groups of religions haven't tolerated each other, but the Jewish man does not believe in discrimination! He sits next to them, and decides to make conversation. He turns to the Christian man and a...

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Donkey Woman

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.

The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies", I'll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass".

The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say'...

Cerealsly amazing joke

Once upon a time, there was a Cheerio who wanted something to do with his life, because it sucked. He decided he wanted to marry someone. So, one day, he went to the town square and saw a beautiful Fruit Loop. He went up to her and tried to ask her out on a date, but before he could get any words ou...

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A man walks in to a bar and orders a gin and tonic

The bartender grabs an apple from underneath the counter and hands it to the man. The man looks at the apple confused, but the bartender encourages him to take a bite and so he does.

"Amazing, this apple tastes exactly like gin", says the man. "Taste the other side" the bartender says and to ...

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