Did you hear about the citrus embezzling scandal?

They were liming their pockets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex under a citrus fruit tree once.

It was fucking sublime.

I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco

He spat some dope limes

TIFU by getting kinky with a variety of citrus fruits...

Ive just tested positive for lemonaids.

Why does the yogi always meditate under the citrus tree?

It's a sublime spot

Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

How many citrus fruits does it take to kill a pirate?

None.

Where do baby citrus fruits go to learn?

A lemon tree school

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you give a lemon an orgasm?

You tickle it's citrus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two promiscuous citrus fruits have unprotected sex

They get lemon-aids

Why do people like r/citrus?

It's sublime

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian citrus farmer stores his family's urine for his trees

He does this to produce juicier fruit.

One morning he noticed 80% of his urine supply had gone missing. He tried to claim the loss on his insurance. The claim was rejected because they thought he was taking the piss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the sexually promiscuous citrus fruit?

He got lemon aids.

What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit?

Lemonade.

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

A man and his corroded dental appliance..

A man returned for the third time to the dentist to get his dental appliance replaced due to corrosion.

The dentist asked if he ate a highly acid diet, or was fond of citrus, etc.

The man replied that his wife made an excellent holllandaise sauce that was so good he put it on just abou...

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Israeli Hell

A person dies and is judged for his sins.

“Well,” says the angel, “Sorry, dude, but you are going to hell. But as a bonus for not being a complete putz, you are granted the choice to which hell to go. Your options are: the Soviet hell, the Nazi hell or the Israeli hell.”

The sinner thi...

Ron, an elderly man in Florida...

Ron, an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm with a big pond in the backyard for several years. The pond was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and citrus trees.


One evening the old farmer decided to go down and check on th...

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, ...

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