If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

**Big hands.**

I asked my bartender if he had ever tried putting sliced oranges in a beer.

He replied, “Once in a blue moon.”

Steve Jobs would’ve been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

If you have 4 apples in one hand and 3 oranges in the other...

You should probably go back and get a basket

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour.

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes lat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys an apple, 2 oranges and a banana.

On his way to the checkout, the cashier asks if he's single.

Man: "Yes I am, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're fucking ugly"

Why did pirates eat oranges?

For the vitamin SEA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy was in the classroom...

...and the principal was observing. The teacher asked pupils to give examples of food.

So all the pupils raised their hands.

"Pears" - said Mary.

"Bananas" - said John.

"Oranges" - said Sara.

and it went on like this for a while. "Very well" - said the teacher, rea...

I wonder

Do oranges want to be juice or they pressured into it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rabinovich, a Soviet trade official, is called to the Party meeting to be fired.

"Please, I have a family to feed," he begs the Party official.

"Okay," the partorg says, "You will go to Paris to sell Soviet perfume. If you get the contract, we will give you a bonus and let you stay."

So Rabinovich flies off to Paris. A week later, Moscow receives a telegram.
...

Comparing the number of Instagram hashtags for #apple and #orange

really is apples and oranges

I have more oranges than I have apples

And you thought that I can't compare apples and oranges...

Johnny walks into a barber shop and asks if they have oranges for sale

Barber: The hell is wrong with you? This is a barber shop. We don’t have oranges.

Johnny: Ok, thanks.

The next day he goes back again and asks the same thing

Barber: Dude I told you yesterday. This is a barber shop, we don’t have oranges here for sale.

Johnny: Alright,...

Three nuns are sitting on a bench talking about their vacations...

The first nun says, 'I just got back from Brazil, and they had the biggest bananas I've ever seen. They were this thick, and this long!', holding up her fingers to show the width and her hands to show the length.

The second nun says, 'Well I just got back from Florida, and they had the bigg...

If you say "gullible" slowly enough, it actually sounds like"oranges"

Give it a try

What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

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