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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman goes to the doctor.

The general doctor sits her down and asks her what's wrong.

"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a fruitcake!"

The doctor wasn't sure how to respond.

"I see. What's gotten into you?"

"Raisins, butter, flour... All the usual ingredients!"

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you're adding raisins and marshmallows

it’s a rocky road

Which raisins are the ugliest and dumbest?

The in-bread ones.

What do you get when you put 1 tsp each of almonds, oats, corn flakes, and raisins in a bowl?

A muesli/measly serving.

I've just been to the shops and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas.

I can't believe the currant exchange rate!

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her naked flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.

Wanting to see a panty-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked f...

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Jill: Hey Jack, what are you eating?

**Jack**: I'm eating raisins.

**Jill**: It's raisin'!

**Jack**: Yeah, that's what I just said. I'm eating raisins.

**Jill**: No, Jack, look down. Your penis is raising.



***Background knowledge****: raisins contain an amino acid called arginine which is known to he...

I just made a playlist for hiking

It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries. I call it my Trail Mix.

I asked my boss for a raise in pay

He replied, asking why I want raisins for as they already pay me peanuts. I told him I wanted to make trail mix.

Where can the most desperate men find dates?

In the grocery store, next to the raisins. <.<

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How to be smooth when asking a girl out

You: Hey buttercup, do you like raisins?

Her: No.

You: How about dates?

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A plane crashes on an island and three men survive...

After wandering the island for a day, they come across a group of natives. Luckily, one of the natives could speak their language, and offers the survivors a challenge.

"First, search our land and retrieve ten fruit. Return to my hut by sunset tomorrow with the fruit, and be prepared for the...

I never had a date

I never had a date.
Do they taste like raisins?

How to stop being intimidated by dates

Just think of them as big raisins.

I found a recipe for a fruit curry that I wanted to try out.

I made a list of all the ingredients that I needed and headed to the shop. I picked up some rice, some mango chutney, some curry powder and some raisins.

Upon returning I checked my list again to make sure that I had gotten everything that I needed. To my dismay, the recipe had called for sul...

The bus journey

A man is going on a holiday. He is sitting in front of two old ladies who are talking away. He gets offered some raisins by one of them and she hands him a handful of raisins to which he eats up. 10 min later he gets offered the same again. This goes on for the next hour. He starts getting confused ...

A husband and wife are getting dressed to go out to dinner

As the woman is making herself up in the mirror she grimaces at her reflection and turns to her husband.

"Why have the years been so cruel to me? With each passing day I get even more old and ugly. The lines on my face run as deep as river beds. My lips are as shriveled as raisins. My onc...

Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading....

I only eat certain types of oatmeal cookies

because raisins.

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