A notorious liar walks into a bar and shouts "Hi folks ! It's me !"

But it wasn't him.

So I went to see a Notorious BIG concert

Turns out he’s dead. So I called Ticket Master and waited on the phone for like 40 minutes just to be told that they wouldn’t refund me. When my wife got home she asked what happened and how I felt. All I could say to her was
“No Biggie”

What does one say after shooting notorious big?

No biggie.

The Notorious B.I.G. once hosted a house party featuring a giant fortune teller

It was a large medium at Small's.

Tom, a notorious womanizer...

...dies and goes to hell.

The devil is walking him down the brimstone corridors, showing him around the place. "You know, Tom," he says, "just because you're in hell doesn't mean you have to stay here. You can go to heaven if you'd like... and sit on a cloud all day, playing the harp... i...

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Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a whorehouse nearby so all the roads were blocked."

Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his vulgar r...

A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way.

The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet. They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"


One of the ladies replies, "Hello Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't y...

The police finally catch a notorious criminal,

so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.

Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to...

A notorious mafia hitman...

..confessed today to the murder of a Chinese government official in a rice field using only 2 porcelain figurines.

Sources say this the first confirmed case of a "knick knack paddy whack"

-Colin Mocharie.

There was a stand-up comedian notorious for his practical jokes.

So one day, during a performance, he asked that anyone from the audience come on to the stage. A blond girl walked up. He asked her, "Can you tell us a joke?". The blond girl was well aware that the comedian was trying to pull some prank. She had decided that, no matter what, she would not fall for ...

Notorious hitman finally captured!

Convicted hit man Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knickknack paddy-whack

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Friday evening a notorious murderer

has just escaped from Texas State Prison.
Police advise members of the public that they should not approach him at any costs, but report any sightings to their nearest police station.

Saturday afternoon, the convict surrender himself to police.

When asked why he gave himself up...

What is the name of an annoying creature that is notorious for biting humans in the tropics?

Luiz Suarez.

Who is Roald Dahl's favourite rapper?

The Notorious B.F.G

Note: This is my second attempt at spreading this joke

The authorities just apprehended a notorious cereal killer. When they asked him why he did it, he said...

... he did it for the Kix.

Old man fishing truth stretching

Two old men were sitting around the coffee shop one morning sharing fishing tales as they sipped their coffee. One man man was notorious for stretching the truth on his catches. He always had to top everyone’s stories. The other old man was telling about him catching a 60lb catfish and how it took h...

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[OC] Two police officers are talking about what they think was the most expensive crime/robbery in history.

The first officer talks for a few minutes about a bank robber who stole millions of dollars, and had over 50 heists, which he did single handedly, and has still never been caught to this day.

The second officer however, has a much more interesting tale.

“His name was Jack “Richy” Brigg...

My go-to joke...

500 bricks on a plane and one falls out, how many are left ?

499.



How do you put an elephant in the fridge ?

Open the door, put in the elephant, clse the door.



How do you put a giraffe in the fridge ?

Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the...

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There once was a police dog...

The K-9 unit had decided to get some new dogs to sniff out drugs and the like. One of them happened to have an exceptional talent for this, and while training this dog, several notorious local drug dealers had already been caught. Eventually, the dog was assigned to a cop, and the cop named the dog ...

At Heathrow Airport today...

An individual claiming to be a school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra crime syndicate and charged him with carrying weapons of math destructio...

One of Roald Dahl's characters gained weight and started writing rap music.

Notorious BFG.

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Robot Secretary

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! ...

James Earl Jones joins the U.S. Naval Academy.

Once there, he takes a Calculus II class notorious for its difficulty. Unlike his classmates, he isn't worried, but that all changes when he gets his first exam grade back.

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

Breaking News: Al-Gebra Operative Arrested

A man was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport , New York, as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member o...

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Back in the day when being homosexual was a criminal offense

there was a particularly notorious gay guy. One day the sheriff caught him on strong suspicion of homosexual activity, but he had no evidence against him. So he calls in a rookie police officer for help.
"Son, I have this man in my custody who slept with hundreds of men in the city. Unfortunate...

A sheriff had a deputy named Wait

The sheriff and his deputy, Wait, were trying to track down a couple of bad guy brothers with the last name Joke.

They got a lead that the Joke brothers were working with a guy named This One. They had reason to believe that This One was hanging out with a notorious perp named Me. So, they pu...

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An aspiring rapper finds a genie in a bottle...

"What are your three wishes?" the genie asks?

"First, I want to bring back Tupac and Biggie," he says. POOF! Tupac Shakir and Notorious B.I.G. appear beside him.

"Next I want to us all to live in Snoop's crib." POOF! The three are kicking it inside Snoop Dogg's huge mansion.
...

Did you hear about the guy who got frostbite?

He was notorious.

Why the chicken cross the road?

It all started when his family was experiencing financial troubles, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, but they just didn't quite work out.


After ending up in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he was shot, landing him in the hospital. The night ...

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Awful Neighbors

"There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leashes.
Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.
To the best of my knowledge, she has neve...

Not To Brag Or Anything...

I live near where Notorious B.I.G. was born and raised. Just a short walk over and I'm in front of his house. Took a picture. No biggie.

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Voodoo Dick

[NSFW]

A husband whose wife is notorious for cheating on him while he is away on business is at his wits end with the whole thing.

He loves his wife dearly, and explained to her that this cannot continue. He has a long trip coming up soon and knows that she is going to cheat on him if ...

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The Election was tied....

The US Presidential election of 2016 had been over for weeks. Every single ballot had been counted and tabulated, the Electoral College had cast their votes, and after every avenue had been exhausted, it was unequivocally a dead heat. Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton turned to the Supreme Court...

The miser's will

A notorious miser died, and in his will he left his $3 million estate split evenly among his three sons: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. Being selfish even in death, he left each of them strict instructions to put the money in his coffin when they buried him.

After the funeral, the three we...

European

Its geography day in Mr. Andrew's first grade class. Each student has to stand up and answer questions in front of their peers. Mr. Andrews, who has a very thick southern accent, addresses the first student.

"Beth, would you a-stand up and answer this a-question: what's the a-capital of a-Ru...

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One day in Kindergarten Class...

One day in Kindergarten Class, Ms. Johnson decided to teach the children about fruit. She put different fruits into a paper bag and started describing to the kids what fruit she had; the children were then supposed to guess what kind of fruit she had.

To start she reached in and said, "Okay, ...

Headline

A man wanted to kill his wife, so he got a hold of a notorious assassin named Arty. The man tells the assassin that his brunette wife shops at the market every Thursday afternoon wearing the same leopard print coat. Since Arty really just enjoyed assassinated people for the fun of it, he only charge...

Fix the joke - A physicist and his coffee

A physics professor was a horrible caffeine addict - he never went anywhere without a full coffee cup. He was notorious amongst his students for having an obvious tell on what would be on his exams. Any time during lecture he got excited, he would inevitably spill his coffee on the floor. As a resul...

Jesus, Moses, and this guy are out golfing...

and the hole is a notorious Par 3 with a huge lake before the green. Moses takes a shot and hits it right into the lake. With his second shot he parts the lake, knocks it on the green, and right after he putts it in for par.

Jesus goes next and he too can't clear the water hazard and the ba...

The mean man's party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
 "Why use my elbow and foot?"
 "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming e...

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