Why do terrorists wear sunglasses?

They don’t want de_dust2 get in their eyes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A terrorist on a suicide mission

So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kind of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!!
And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Local terrorists used school as hostage.

The quiet kid at school: “You picked the wrong school motherfuckers.”

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I sa...

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

What does a terrorist and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit it the more English you get.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do terrorists and masturbating in an airplane have in common?

Hijacking

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a terrorist so good at sex?

Because he trains himself to blow things

I know quite a few terrorist.....

They are all mind blowin people.

Why do terrorists hate telemarketers?

The telemarketers keep blowing up their phones at meetings.

What do you call surfing terrorists who commit suicide bombings?

Radical

During my flight, I stopped a terrorist from killing more than 300 hundred people.

Through self-control.

What did one terrorist tell the other terrorist when asked where to get explosives?

"See for yourself."

Do you know how terrorists reassure others?

come on, this will be a total blast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do people that masturbate on mount Everest and terrorists on a plane have in common?

They are all hijacking.

I'm sorry and I will let myself out.

What’s the difference between a terrorist and an opera singer?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Which car is the terrorists favorite one?

Citroën C4

Apparently calling people terrorists if offensive now.

Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a male ISIS terrorist go to heaven, they meet 10.000 virgins.

They are all male ISIS terrorists.

What do you call a cowboy terrorist?

A yee-hawdist!

Did you hear about the terrorist who strapped bombs loaded with Coronavirus to his chest?

He blew up and went viral.

Did you hear about that new terrorist movie?

It was a box office bomb

Congress has been hijacked by terrorists:

Washington DC is at a standstill and traffic is stuck in gridlock.

A man in a car is waiting patiently for the traffic to clear up but doesn't understand why it's there in the first place.

Another man is walking down the side of the highway with a bucket knocking on people's windows an...

ISIS has issued a travel warning to terrorists

The terrorist group has urged supporters to avoid “the land of the epidemic”.

Meanwhile in Britain, Ariana Grande concert tickets are selling out a lot faster.

A terrorist walks into a bar

Bartender : OK boomer.

Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?

A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an Uzi and shoot them.

The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.
<...

What did the terrorist say when he ran into the cafeteria?

ALLAH SNACKBAR!!

BREAKING: A dyslexic terrorist had stormed the zoo

He has taken 6 ostriches

What do you call the fastest terrorist?

Hussein Bolt

What did the French terrorist say to his departing friend?

Bomb voyage.

What do you call Redneck Terrorists?

Y’all Qaeda

What would you call Captain Planet if he fought ghosts instead of eco-terrorists?

Captain Planchette.

Why did the terrorist blonde fail to blow up a van?

She burned her mouth on the exhaust pipe.

A Terrorist goes to a psychiatrist

the psychiatrist diagnosed him with being self-destructive.

The Chicago Bears new quarterback.

The Chicago Bears were desperately looking for a new quarterback. With all normal options not working out they looked outside the United States. They found a terrorist in Iran who was able to throw a grenade 100 yards and have it go through a 3rd story window every time. The Bears signed him immedi...

What did the incompetent terrorist say?

Edit: Wow, this blew up

What do you call a buff terrorist?

Osama Bin Liftin

Did you hear the one about the Polish terrorist they sent to blow up a car?

He burnt his mouth on the tail pipe

Did you hear about the world's dumbest terrorist?

He tried to blow up a bus, but burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS

What does a hawaiian terrorist say?

Aloha akbar.

What do Chinese terrorists do at a frat party?

They bro it up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The terrorist said he wanted to blow the whole world

So I helped him start by letting him suck my dick

How does Trump differ from terrorist organisations?

Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.

How do we call an old ISIS terrorist?

A boomer.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

Two Secret Service agents are intercepting a black box from a terrorist when they finally corner him and capture him

They interrogate him and ask him to hand over the box and maybe he'll live for another day. The terrorist barks, "You'll have to pry it from my dead cold hands!" One of the agents then proceeds to throw the terrorist into a large refridgerating chamber overnight. The next day, the terrorist was f...

A man is stuck on the highway

A man is stuck on the highway, traffic is not moving at all. About an hour later a group of people come around and stop at every car for a talk.

Eventually they reach his car and tell him that the road is blocked because up ahead terrorists have stoped the presidents car and taken him hostage...

Junior Terrorist

A junior terrorist is thinking of ways to revolutionize the ways terrorism is done and has many ideas ranging from cyber-attacks to psychological warfare to biochemical strikes. The junior terrorist brings these ideas to the senior terrorist that has been with the organization for decades.
T...

Why did the soldier and the terrorist go on a date?

Because, the soldier was ordered to take him out

Terrorist groups in the Middle East have started surgically implanting improvised explosive devices inside the cattle that they drive through town on the way to market

The UN has described this practice as abominable.

Click for hint: >!(hint - say it out loud)!<

What did the terrorist group say when they went to Antarctica?

The ISIS everywhere

Ibises are actually part of an undercover terrorist organisation, and I know who their leader is...

...Osama Bin Chicken.

This may go over your heads if you're not Australian. We call Ibises 'bin chickens'.

What do you call a terrorist who is good at baseball?

A Bronx Bomber

Why did the terrorist's wife leave him?

She didn't know what jihad.

If a group of crows is called a murder, what do you call a group of terrorists?

A suicide.

What did the the terrorist zoomer say to the boomer?

KA BOOMer

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mass shooting in Soviet Union, government blamed the Nazi. Mass shooting in Europe, government blamed terrorists.

Mass shooting in United States, government blamed video games.

A group of terrorist just hijacked a building full of congressmen...

...They laid their intent and threatened everyone should they not follow that they would release one congressman every hour

You've never partied till you've partied with a terrorist.

Because they the bomb.

A terrorist walks into a store

"How much for this bomb?" he asks.

"$500", said the clerk.

"Will you take $450?" asks the terrorist.

"I'm sorry sir," replies the clerk, "We don't negotiate with terrorists."

Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?

Because it was full of Zinfandels.

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation.....

Guys it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years

What do you call a terrorist organization of math teachers

Al-Gebra

What's a terrorists least favorite wine?

White Infidel

Peter got a job as a train conducter...

On the first day of his job, a random guy without a ticket got past him and on the train without being noticed. This was eventually caught on CCTV and Peter was warned by his boss.

Second day of his work, a group of refugees snuck on the train between carts without Peter noticing and one of t...

Where does a Terrorist go when he dies?

Everywhere!!

Disclaimer: Another one my Student told me.

Not every Muslim is a terrorist...

Only 9 / 11 are.

So, if terrorists had kids...

Would they say “Here comes the Airplane!” and just shove the spoon around the child’s face?

The terrorist behind the underwear bomb died today.

Which is good. Because no one likes a guy who goes off in his pants.

Attending Jihadi terrorist school

has really been a blast.

What does a redditor being paid by a terrorist say?

EDIT: Wow! This really blew up. Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

What does a terrorist IT expert do the most?

Troubleshooting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]

Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.

They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrori...

Suspected terrorist attack as hole is blown into wall of public toilet at Waterloo station...

Police are looking into it.

Did you hear about the Terrorist Chef?

He wrote a Menufeasto

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint

"Say your last words!"

"Your last words!"

-






Since this is now on the front page, hello world. Buy shares in hair, I hear it's growing.

And now, [a short intermission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wOD9TWynM). Albatrosses will be served shortly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

You know why the ISIS terrorist was happy when he was captured?

He thought waterboarding would be a blast!

Proud Terrorist discussing his kids

Yep, they blow up so fast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's common between terrorists and prostitutes?

Blowjob.

What’s an optometrist’s favourite terrorist group?

Iris

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?

He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.

(I'll show myself out)

My sister got captured by terrorists while vacationing in Iraq

But I guess jihad it coming

I looked into joining a jihadi terrorist cell....

but the membership dues cost an arm and a leg.

A terrorist is teaching a class

He carefully puts on a jacket loaded with explosives and, turning to his pupils, says:

"Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to do this once!"

What's a terrorist's favorite shop?

Blockbuster

i asked a girl "is your dad a terrorist?"

beacause you're the bomb

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|:-|:-|:-|
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What is the weapon of choice for straight-edge terrorists?

A Molotov Mocktail

Dark joke

What's the difference between an elementary school and a terrorist outpost
How would I know all I do is drive the drones

Bovine Terrorist Strikes Matador

It was abominable.

Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists!

I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic.

Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar rans...

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