This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do terrorists and masturbating in an airplane have in common?

Hijacking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a terrorist so good at sex?

Because he trains himself to blow things

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I sa...

What makes terrorist jokes funny?

The execution.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Vrroooom here comes the plane." "Vrroooom here comes the second plane."

During my flight, I stopped a terrorist from killing more than 300 hundred people.

Through self-control.

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What do people that masturbate on mount Everest and terrorists on a plane have in common?

They are all hijacking.

I'm sorry and I will let myself out.

Which car does a terrorist choose to plant a car bomb?

A Citroën C4.

What’s the difference between a school and a terrorist base?

I don’t know, I’m just the drone pilot.

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar

The waiter asks them what the discussion was about.

Terrorist: We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey.

Waiter: Why a donkey?

Then one terrorist says to the other, “See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people”.

Did you hear about the Trump terrorist who tried to blow up a car?

He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

What do cowardly terrorists and my Reddit posts have in common?

None of them blew up yet

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

Did you hear about that new terrorist movie?

It was a box office bomb

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When a male ISIS terrorist go to heaven, they meet 10.000 virgins.

They are all male ISIS terrorists.

I fell in love with a female terrorist

That's my Guantanamo Bae.

What do you get when a few thousand terrorists take over the Capitol?

Excuse me, they are called protesters.

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

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A terrorist on a suicide mission

So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kind of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!!
And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I...

How do you respond to a terrorist that threatens to blow you up?

Ok boomer

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Local terrorists used school as hostage.

The quiet kid at school: “You picked the wrong school motherfuckers.”

What did the trendy terrorist wear to the fashion exhibition?

A bomber jacket

The master plan the terrorists had drafted for Jan 6th

Here's the plan the terrorists came up with that seemed to have worked so brilliantly for everything else they had seen in the internet:

1. Storm the Capitol

2. ???

3. Profit

What did the terrorist say to his teammates?

We rush B but plant at A.

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that they would grant them one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN reporter said "well I'm an American, so I'd like one last hamburger with fries."

The leader nodded to an underling, who then returned with a burger and fries. The repo...

What did one terrorist tell the other terrorist when asked where to get explosives?

"See for yourself."

Do you know how terrorists reassure others?

come on, this will be a total blast!

What’s the difference been a hardworking, caring, mother of 4, and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist

What do you call a terrorist who delivers food on the side?

Door Daesh

I know quite a few terrorist.....

They are all mind blowin people.

What do you call Redneck Terrorists?

Y’all Qaeda

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

ISIS has issued a travel warning to terrorists

The terrorist group has urged supporters to avoid “the land of the epidemic”.

Meanwhile in Britain, Ariana Grande concert tickets are selling out a lot faster.

What does a terrorist and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit it the more English you get.

Did you hear about the terrorist who strapped bombs loaded with Coronavirus to his chest?

He blew up and went viral.

Apparently calling people terrorists if offensive now.

Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.

What do you call the fastest terrorist?

Hussein Bolt

What do you call a buff terrorist?

Osama Bin Liftin

Why do terrorists hate telemarketers?

The telemarketers keep blowing up their phones at meetings.

A known and loved goverment official is going car to car

The whole of congress has been captured and terrorists are threatening to douse them in gasoline and burn them if we don't fork over $10,000,000,000

The man hands him a 10 and asks how much people donate on average.

Roughly a gallon was his reply.

Traffic in Washington, D.C.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, D.C.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 mi...

A Terrorist goes to a psychiatrist

the psychiatrist diagnosed him with being self-destructive.

What did the incompetent terrorist say?

Edit: Wow, this blew up

Why did the terrorist's wife leave him?

She didn't know what jihad.

Congress has been hijacked by terrorists:

Washington DC is at a standstill and traffic is stuck in gridlock.

A man in a car is waiting patiently for the traffic to clear up but doesn't understand why it's there in the first place.

Another man is walking down the side of the highway with a bucket knocking on people's windows an...

Do you know where Terrorists go when they die?

*A bit here and a bit there*

Can you beat my top 3 Polish jokes?

>What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name

>Did you hear about the Polish carpool?

They meet at work in the morning

>Did you heal about the Polish terrorist that tried to blow up the bus?

He burnt his lips on the ...

BREAKING: A dyslexic terrorist had stormed the zoo

He has taken 6 ostriches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The terrorist said he wanted to blow the whole world

So I helped him start by letting him suck my dick

What would you call Captain Planet if he fought ghosts instead of eco-terrorists?

Captain Planchette.

So a time traveler meets George W Bush...

Time Traveler: "What year is it?"

George Bush: "2001"

TT: "Before or after the 9/11 terrorist attack?"

GB: "Before"

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mass shooting in Soviet Union, government blamed the Nazi. Mass shooting in Europe, government blamed terrorists.

Mass shooting in United States, government blamed video games.

What do Chinese terrorists do at a frat party?

They bro it up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]

Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.

They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrori...

Two Secret Service agents are intercepting a black box from a terrorist when they finally corner him and capture him

They interrogate him and ask him to hand over the box and maybe he'll live for another day. The terrorist barks, "You'll have to pry it from my dead cold hands!" One of the agents then proceeds to throw the terrorist into a large refridgerating chamber overnight. The next day, the terrorist was f...

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint

"Say your last words!"

"Your last words!"

-






Since this is now on the front page, hello world. Buy shares in hair, I hear it's growing.

And now, [a short intermission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wOD9TWynM). Albatrosses will be served shortly.

Ibises are actually part of an undercover terrorist organisation, and I know who their leader is...

...Osama Bin Chicken.

This may go over your heads if you're not Australian. We call Ibises 'bin chickens'.

A group of terrorist just hijacked a building full of congressmen...

...They laid their intent and threatened everyone should they not follow that they would release one congressman every hour

Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?

Because it was full of Zinfandels.

Why did the soldier and the terrorist go on a date?

Because, the soldier was ordered to take him out

What did the terrorist group say when they went to Antarctica?

The ISIS everywhere

What's a terrorists least favorite wine?

White Infidel

If a group of crows is called a murder, what do you call a group of terrorists?

A suicide.

What did I do when a terrorist attacked?

Iran

What does a redditor being paid by a terrorist say?

EDIT: Wow! This really blew up. Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

What do you call a terrorist who is good at baseball?

A Bronx Bomber

You've never partied till you've partied with a terrorist.

Because they the bomb.

So, if terrorists had kids...

Would they say “Here comes the Airplane!” and just shove the spoon around the child’s face?

What does a hawaiian terrorist say?

Aloha akbar.

Where does a Terrorist go when he dies?

Everywhere!!

Disclaimer: Another one my Student told me.

What do you call a terrorist organization of math teachers

Al-Gebra

A terrorist walks into a store

"How much for this bomb?" he asks.

"$500", said the clerk.

"Will you take $450?" asks the terrorist.

"I'm sorry sir," replies the clerk, "We don't negotiate with terrorists."

Not every Muslim is a terrorist...

Only 9 / 11 are.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit suicide and might get 72 virgins ?

Become a Catholic priest and get them now

How does Trump differ from terrorist organisations?

Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.

What's the difference between Muslim and a terrorist?

I don't know, I just sign executive orders.

I'll be here all week.

Meanwhile somewhere...

A terrorist blows up his own house, after the Government issued a \*Work From Home\* advisory to it's citizens.

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.

“The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!”

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam...

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Standing column.

Suddenly someone knocks on the side window. He lets down the window and asks: "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Trump. They are demanding a ransom of $ 100 million or they will pour...

Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists!

I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic.

Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar rans...

Attending Jihadi terrorist school

has really been a blast.

What do you call a terrorist's girlfriend?

A Guantanamo Bae


Thought of this one earlier and just had to share

How many terrorists jokes are out there?

You'll have to c-4 yourself.

A terrorist is teaching a class

He carefully puts on a jacket loaded with explosives and, turning to his pupils, says:

"Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to do this once!"

The terrorist behind the underwear bomb died today.

Which is good. Because no one likes a guy who goes off in his pants.

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation.....

Guys it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years

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