This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do terrorists and masturbating in an airplane have in common?

Hijacking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a terrorist so good at sex?

Because he trains himself to blow things

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Vrroooom here comes the plane." "Vrroooom here comes the second plane."

Where do terrorists go when they die?

Everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do people that masturbate on mount Everest and terrorists on a plane have in common?

They are all hijacking.

I'm sorry and I will let myself out.

During my flight, I stopped a terrorist from killing more than 300 hundred people.

Through self-control.

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

What does a Terrorist Photographer do?

Photobomb

What makes terrorist jokes funny?

The execution.

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I sa...

Did you hear about that new terrorist movie?

It was a box office bomb

What does a terrorist and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit it the more English you get.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

What did the terrorist say after leaving the comedy show?

Wow, this blew up!

What is a group of singing terrorists called?

a taliband

What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?

7/11

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a terrorist's favorite sex toy?

A blow-up doll

What is the difference between a woman and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A terrorist on a suicide mission

So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kind of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!!
And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I...

What do cowardly terrorists and my Reddit posts have in common?

None of them blew up yet

What do you call an attractive lady terrorist?

A Ji-hottie

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a male ISIS terrorist go to heaven, they meet 10.000 virgins.

They are all male ISIS terrorists.

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick from a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.

What's the difference between a banjo player terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathizers.

Bonus joke:

What's the difference between a banjo and an AK-47?

>!The AK only repeats thirty times.!<

What’s a terrorist’s favorite dish?

Dynamite shrimp

I fell in love with a female terrorist

That's my Guantanamo Bae.

Which car does a terrorist choose to plant a car bomb?

A Citroën C4.

What did the trendy terrorist wear to the fashion exhibition?

A bomber jacket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Local terrorists used school as hostage.

The quiet kid at school: “You picked the wrong school motherfuckers.”

What do you call a buff terrorist?

Osama Bin Liftin

I was held captive by some French-Canadian terrorists...

They forced me to eat hundreds of meat pies.

It was tourtière.

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar

The waiter asks them what the discussion was about.

Terrorist: We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey.

Waiter: Why a donkey?

Then one terrorist says to the other, “See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people”.

What do you call a terrorist who delivers food on the side?

Door Daesh

We are in DEEP trouble!

The Population of this country is 310 million. 160 Million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 20 million to do the work. 2.8 million are ...

A statistician gets on a plane.

A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"

Stati...

What do you call Redneck Terrorists?

Y’all Qaeda

Did you hear about the terrorist who strapped bombs loaded with Coronavirus to his chest?

He blew up and went viral.

What do you call surfing terrorists who commit suicide bombings?

Radical

What did one terrorist tell the other terrorist when asked where to get explosives?

"See for yourself."

Why do terrorists hate telemarketers?

The telemarketers keep blowing up their phones at meetings.

What’s the difference been a hardworking, caring, mother of 4, and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist

I know quite a few terrorist.....

They are all mind blowin people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

Heard about the terrorists attack on the coffee shop?

100% arabica

Why did the terrorist's wife leave him?

She didn't know what jihad.

A Terrorist goes to a psychiatrist

the psychiatrist diagnosed him with being self-destructive.

What did the terrorist say to his teammates?

We rush B but plant at A.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]

Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.

They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrori...

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint

"Say your last words!"

"Your last words!"

-






Since this is now on the front page, hello world. Buy shares in hair, I hear it's growing.

And now, [a short intermission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wOD9TWynM). Albatrosses will be served shortly.

Congress has been hijacked by terrorists:

Washington DC is at a standstill and traffic is stuck in gridlock.

A man in a car is waiting patiently for the traffic to clear up but doesn't understand why it's there in the first place.

Another man is walking down the side of the highway with a bucket knocking on people's windows an...

Apparently calling people terrorists if offensive now.

Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.

Terrorists

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Cars were at a stand still. Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and t...

BREAKING: A dyslexic terrorist had stormed the zoo

He has taken 6 ostriches

So, if terrorists had kids...

Would they say “Here comes the Airplane!” and just shove the spoon around the child’s face?

Not every Muslim is a terrorist...

Only 9 / 11 are.

Did you hear about the Trump terrorist who tried to blow up a car?

He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

What do you call a terrorist's girlfriend?

A Guantanamo Bae


Thought of this one earlier and just had to share

Did you hear about the new Bruce Willis movie?

Bruce Willis has to go undercover in a retirement home for nuns to stop a terrorist plot.

It's called "Old Habits Die Hard".

What do Chinese terrorists do at a frat party?

They bro it up!

The master plan the terrorists had drafted for Jan 6th

Here's the plan the terrorists came up with that seemed to have worked so brilliantly for everything else they had seen in the internet:

1. Storm the Capitol

2. ???

3. Profit

How do you respond to a terrorist that threatens to blow you up?

Ok boomer

What would you call Captain Planet if he fought ghosts instead of eco-terrorists?

Captain Planchette.

What's the difference between Muslim and a terrorist?

I don't know, I just sign executive orders.

I'll be here all week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mass shooting in Soviet Union, government blamed the Nazi. Mass shooting in Europe, government blamed terrorists.

Mass shooting in United States, government blamed video games.

What does a redditor being paid by a terrorist say?

EDIT: Wow! This really blew up. Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

How many terrorists jokes are out there?

You'll have to c-4 yourself.

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS

A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a terrorist bombing it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage

"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.

If a group of crows is called a murder, what do you call a group of terrorists?

A suicide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit suicide and might get 72 virgins ?

Become a Catholic priest and get them now

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians...

They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.

What's a terrorists least favorite wine?

White Infidel

Why did the terrorist blow up the winery?

Because it was full of Zinfandels.

Where does a Terrorist go when he dies?

Everywhere!!

Disclaimer: Another one my Student told me.

A terrorist walks into a store

"How much for this bomb?" he asks.

"$500", said the clerk.

"Will you take $450?" asks the terrorist.

"I'm sorry sir," replies the clerk, "We don't negotiate with terrorists."

Ibises are actually part of an undercover terrorist organisation, and I know who their leader is...

...Osama Bin Chicken.

This may go over your heads if you're not Australian. We call Ibises 'bin chickens'.

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

At the Allahu-ak Bar

Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists!

I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic.

Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar rans...

How do we call an old ISIS terrorist?

A boomer.

Two Secret Service agents are intercepting a black box from a terrorist when they finally corner him and capture him

They interrogate him and ask him to hand over the box and maybe he'll live for another day. The terrorist barks, "You'll have to pry it from my dead cold hands!" One of the agents then proceeds to throw the terrorist into a large refridgerating chamber overnight. The next day, the terrorist was f...

I tried telling a terrorist joke today and it didn't go too well...

It pretty much blew up in my face.

How does Trump differ from terrorist organisations?

Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.

A group of terrorist just hijacked a building full of congressmen...

...They laid their intent and threatened everyone should they not follow that they would release one congressman every hour

What does a hawaiian terrorist say?

Aloha akbar.

Attending Jihadi terrorist school

has really been a blast.

What do you call a terrorist organization of math teachers

Al-Gebra

A terrorist is teaching a class

He carefully puts on a jacket loaded with explosives and, turning to his pupils, says:

"Now watch carefully, because I'm only going to do this once!"

Why did the soldier and the terrorist go on a date?

Because, the soldier was ordered to take him out

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.