Stopped two kidnappings today with this technique...

Self-Control

Is kidnapping legal?

Me: kidnapping I prefer the term surprise adoption
Police: what crack are you on

Did you hear about the kidnapping?

It's okay, he woke up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what I’d do if I saw a kidnapping?

I’d wake him up, the lazy bastard.

I came home to find a Greek mathematician kidnapping my grandmother...

He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

There was a kidnapping at a local middle school recently

The teacher had to wake him up right away


(Taken from a 3rd grader I coach)

Pickpockecting is the same as kidnapping.

If your victim is a kangaroo!

Kidnapping Congress

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC. Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for 100 million dollar...

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away.

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

Confession: I just saw a kidnapping outside and I didn't do anything about it.

I didn't want to wake him up.

A blonde kidnapping

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"WARNING"

Female aliens are kidnapping men with big penises this Christmas.

Obviously, you're not in danger but I am putting this on here to let you know, This spaceship is fucking awesome!!!

Merry Christmas redditers.

Did you hear about the model who thought she was going to a beauty pageant? Turns out it was a kidnapping.

She was Miss Taken

A guy came up to us on the beach in Ensenada the other day and said in English, “Did you hear about the kidnapping a few minutes ago? It happened right over there...”

“The kid was fine though. They just woke him up.”

It took me about eight seconds to get it...

Did you hear about the kidnapping down the road?

His mother woke him up for lunch.



Source (Told to me 30 yrs ago by an old farmer on my paper route.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont know why its called kidnapping,

Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep

I saw a kidnapping in the park

Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

My son told me about a kidnapping at his school...

The teacher eventually woke the kid up for recess.

I witnessed a kidnapping today, could have intervened... but I didn't.

I'm sure his mother would have slapped me for waking him.

TIFU by being dyslexic and kidnapping 42 people

Sorry, wrong bus.

What’s the best thing you can do if you see a kidnapping?

You let them get their rest

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