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Kidnapping Jokes

What do we call kidnapping?

Surprise Adoption

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

I stopped a kidnapping last night.

The parents had just gotten it to sleep, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

A blonde kidnapping

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morn...

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school for the deaf?

Neither did they.

I witnessed a kidnapping today.

I let him sleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont know why its called kidnapping,

Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep

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I decided to sell some of my guns today

Times are rough, inflation is a bitch, and I need the cash so I decided to sell some of my guns.

I met the buyer at a public location, and being a responsible gun owner I decided to run a background check.

Within 5 minutes I discovered the buyer has a history of extortion, kidnapping, ...

Is kidnapping legal?

Me: kidnapping I prefer the term surprise adoption
Police: what crack are you on

Pickpockecting is the same as kidnapping.

If your victim is a kangaroo!

There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood.

After about half an hour of nap, the kid woke up and went to play.

I saw a kidnapping in the park

Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.

A man broke into a convent one day, intent on kidnapping a nun.

Bursting through the door, he swept the first nun he saw off her feet and threw her over his shoulder. Police arrive on the scene just as the kidnapper escaped through the front door.

The first cop shouted “What the hell, man” as the kidnapper fled on foot, nun over his shoulder.

“No ...

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what I’d do if I saw a kidnapping?

I’d wake him up, the lazy bastard.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school today?

The teacher was pissed when they woke him up!



Credit to guy at work who speaks very little English. He walked into the room and said this aloud to a group of maybe 5 people, everyone got concerned for the child's safety real quick. Only to erupt in laughter minutes later.

Have you heard about the kidnapping at the school this morning?

All good! He woke up already.

Did you hear about the kidnapping?

It's alright, he's awake now

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