Stopped two kidnappings today with this technique...


Is kidnapping legal?

Me: kidnapping I prefer the term surprise adoption
Police: what crack are you on

There was a kidnapping at school today...

It’s ok, he woke up when the bell went

Did you guys hear about the kidnapping in Australia?

Dont worry, he woke up.

Anybody heard about the kidnapping in Sydney, Australia ?

Yeah he woke up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what I’d do if I saw a kidnapping?

I’d wake him up, the lazy bastard.

There was a kidnapping at a local middle school recently

The teacher had to wake him up right away

(Taken from a 3rd grader I coach)

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

Kidnapping Congress

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC. Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for 100 million dollar...

Confession: I just saw a kidnapping outside and I didn't do anything about it.

I didn't want to wake him up.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the Las Vegas magic show last week

He's fine now, the applause at the end woke him up.

A blonde kidnapping

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morn...

What would you call it if a duck conducts a kidnapping?


A guy came up to us on the beach in Ensenada the other day and said in English, “Did you hear about the kidnapping a few minutes ago? It happened right over there...”

“The kid was fine though. They just woke him up.”

It took me about eight seconds to get it...

Pickpockecting is the same as kidnapping.

If your victim is a kangaroo!

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away.

Did you hear about the model who thought she was going to a beauty pageant? Turns out it was a kidnapping.

She was Miss Taken

Did you hear about the kidnapping down the road?

His mother woke him up for lunch.

Source (Told to me 30 yrs ago by an old farmer on my paper route.)

The house from UP was arrested for being high and kidnapping a child.

in its defense, the house said "I was framed!"

I saw a kidnapping in the park

Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont know why its called kidnapping,

Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep

My son told me about a kidnapping at his school...

The teacher eventually woke the kid up for recess.

I witnessed a kidnapping today, could have intervened... but I didn't.

I'm sure his mother would have slapped me for waking him.

What’s the best thing you can do if you see a kidnapping?

You let them get their rest

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

People think having space isn't important

But there is a big difference between a kid napping, and a kidnapping.

TIFU by being dyslexic and kidnapping 42 people

Sorry, wrong bus.

College is the opposite of kidnapping

They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

In English class I learned the word for when you take someone literally.


Someone went around kidnapping all the unmarried women on my road

It was a misstake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a kidnapping in New York.

But then he woke up.

Tied up in a basement.

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