I stopped a kidnapping last night.

The parents had just gotten it to sleep, too.

Did you hear about the kidnapping?

I woke him up.

Did you hear about the kidnapping in Detroit today?

He woke up a half hour later

What do we call kidnapping?

Surprise Adoption

[BREAKING NEWS] There’s been a kidnapping at Lakewood Elementary School today

It’s ok, he woke up.

Did you hear about the kidnapping in Chicago yesterday?

Oh don't worry, he woke up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school today?

The teacher was pissed when they woke him up!



Credit to guy at work who speaks very little English. He walked into the room and said this aloud to a group of maybe 5 people, everyone got concerned for the child's safety real quick. Only to erupt in laughter minutes later.

A serial killer started kidnapping and killing all female cousins of his mother & father.

When arrested and asked for reasons, he said, “I just heard that you need Aunty-bodies to build immunity against Covid.”

A man broke into a convent one day, intent on kidnapping a nun.

Bursting through the door, he swept the first nun he saw off her feet and threw her over his shoulder. Police arrive on the scene just as the kidnapper escaped through the front door.

The first cop shouted “What the hell, man” as the kidnapper fled on foot, nun over his shoulder.

“No ...

I witnessed a kidnapping today.

I let him sleep.

Have you ever heard of a kidnapping in school?

Took him about an hour to wake up!

There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood.

After about half an hour of nap, the kid woke up and went to play.

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

Have you heard about the kidnapping at the school this morning?

All good! He woke up already.

A blonde kidnapping

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morn...

Stopped two kidnappings today with this technique...

Self-Control

The guy from the damn Daniel vine was arrested for kidnapping children.

You could say that he was back at it again with the white vans.

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away.

Pickpockecting is the same as kidnapping.

If your victim is a kangaroo!

There was a kidnapping at a local middle school recently

The teacher had to wake him up right away


(Taken from a 3rd grader I coach)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont know why its called kidnapping,

Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep

Kidnapper called my boss after kidnapping his mother in-law..

And said - If you fail to deliver the money, we will release her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what I’d do if I saw a kidnapping?

I’d wake him up, the lazy bastard.

Confession: I just saw a kidnapping outside and I didn't do anything about it.

I didn't want to wake him up.

I saw a kidnapping in the park

Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

A guy came up to us on the beach in Ensenada the other day and said in English, “Did you hear about the kidnapping a few minutes ago? It happened right over there...”

“The kid was fine though. They just woke him up.”

It took me about eight seconds to get it...

My son told me about a kidnapping at his school...

The teacher eventually woke the kid up for recess.

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