Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?

It's ok, he woke up

[BREAKING NEWS] There’s been a kidnapping at Lakewood Elementary School today

It’s ok, he woke up.

Did you hear about the kidnapping in Chicago yesterday?

Oh don't worry, he woke up

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at the elementary school today?

The teacher was pissed when they woke him up!



Credit to guy at work who speaks very little English. He walked into the room and said this aloud to a group of maybe 5 people, everyone got concerned for the child's safety real quick. Only to erupt in laughter minutes later.

Did you hear about the kidnapping in Detroit today?

He woke up a half hour later

What do we call kidnapping?

Surprise Adoption

I witnessed a kidnapping today.

I let him sleep.

There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood.

After about half an hour of nap, the kid woke up and went to play.

A man broke into a convent one day, intent on kidnapping a nun.

Bursting through the door, he swept the first nun he saw off her feet and threw her over his shoulder. Police arrive on the scene just as the kidnapper escaped through the front door.

The first cop shouted “What the hell, man” as the kidnapper fled on foot, nun over his shoulder.

“No ...

Have you heard about the kidnapping at the school this morning?

All good! He woke up already.

Have you ever heard of a kidnapping in school?

Took him about an hour to wake up!

The cops broke down the door and asked Rosemary about the kidnapping

She claimed that she didn't have the Thyme

Stopped two kidnappings today with this technique...

Self-Control

A blonde kidnapping

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morn...

The guy from the damn Daniel vine was arrested for kidnapping children.

You could say that he was back at it again with the white vans.

What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?

Don't get carried away.

There was a kidnapping at a local middle school recently

The teacher had to wake him up right away


(Taken from a 3rd grader I coach)

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I dont know why its called kidnapping,

Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep

Kidnapper called my boss after kidnapping his mother in-law..

And said - If you fail to deliver the money, we will release her.

Pickpockecting is the same as kidnapping.

If your victim is a kangaroo!

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You know what I’d do if I saw a kidnapping?

I’d wake him up, the lazy bastard.

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Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

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Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

Confession: I just saw a kidnapping outside and I didn't do anything about it.

I didn't want to wake him up.

You know, under the right context, a kidnapping has the potential to be a very serene experience

For example, a kid napping.

I saw a kidnapping in the park

Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.

I came home to find a Greek mathematician kidnapping my grandmother...

He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

A guy came up to us on the beach in Ensenada the other day and said in English, “Did you hear about the kidnapping a few minutes ago? It happened right over there...”

“The kid was fine though. They just woke him up.”

It took me about eight seconds to get it...

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