The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.



The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive in...

To the criminals who stole my calendar

I hope you both get six months!

Why are colds bad criminals?

Because they’re easy to catch.

A joke I thought up while dreaming last night: Why do criminals hate coins?

Because half of them are coppers.

Two criminals are walking in the woods late at night.

It’s especially dark tonight, and the wind is howling.
After a while, one of the criminals leans over and says “Its pretty scary out, huh?”
His partner tells him “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

I wrote a book about criminals who just drone on and on about things.

It's called "prose and cons"

There are a few criminals in my town that keep stealing wheels from parked police cars.

The cops are working tirelessly to catch the suspects.

Criminals are getting sneakier these days.

Last night I was woken up by my wife, who said "there's someone downstairs". So I went down to check, and five minutes later it hit me... I haven't got a wife. So I ran back upstairs and it was too late, the bed had gone.

Cops have a hard time catching fat criminals

They are always at large and on top of that its impossible to narrow down on them

I think fights between career boxers and famous criminals would be entertaining. We could even make it fair, with different weight classes and everything.

We just need to weigh the Pros and Cons.

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

To the on the run criminals out there that are having trouble with your love lives..

You are wanted and I just wanted to tell you that

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.

The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime.

No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

If a dog works hard investigating and helps catches criminals and listens to a cop, it's a Police Hound

but if the dog did the same thing but listened to a Private Investigator it's a Snoop Dog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do porn-stars and criminals have in common?

They very rarely come quietly

A magical teddy bear decided to go for a walk

The bear decided to walk down the street and he stumbled across an alley where he heard some weird sounds. Being a teddy bear, it figured no one would care if it saw them as long as it acted natural. So it went to see what was happening.

The bear noticed an infamous criminal beating a man to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three hardened criminals were arrested last night.

They were all on Viagra.

So there’s three guys in the middle of the Great Depression.

Their names are Bob, Joe, and Ronnie. Now Bob, he's a pretty smart guy. Definitely the smartest of the three. Joe is, well he's not great, but he's had a few good ideas in his time. Now Ronnie. Ronnie is dumb. And when I say dumb I mean _dumb_. Like really, really dumb. So one day, these three are p...

Why did the British

Why did the British send the criminals to Australia and the Puritans to America?



Australia had first choice.

I got arrested for giving criminals glasses of ice cubes.

Apparently you're considered to be a vigilante if you hand out just ice on the streets.

I’m writing a screenplay about a group of criminals scheming to rob an allergy clinic.

I’m thinking of calling it “The Gesundheist”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thieves stole a truck full of viagra this morning...

Police have asked the public to keep an eye out for *hardened criminals*.

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A shipment of Viagra was stolen from my local Pharmacy this morning.

The cops are on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

A man saw a sign on a farm: Talking dog for sale

He asks the farmer where the dog is.

Out back.

The man goes up to the dog, in his doghouse and says, hey what's your story?

The dog speaks: Well, as soon as I found out I could talk I wanted to be of service to my country. So I went to the CIA. They placed me as a spy in f...

Hi, I'm black, and I hate it when people assume we're all criminals.

-Sent from your iPhone

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

What do all criminals have in their blood?

Prison cells

Criminals who work in groups should be proud of themselves.

They’ve accompliced a lot.

I’m trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal

So I made a list of pros and cons.

What do computer criminals like to eat?

Cheese and Hackers.

(My 7-year old son came up with that one, so go easy :)

What do infantile criminals fear the most?

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

The police were recently investigating a recent sheep theft..

No onces been charged yet, but police hope to have the criminals behind bahhs soon

One of my friends is writing a book about the speech patterns of prison and the criminals inside

In other words, the prose and cons of jail

How does Italy execute its criminals?

Guidotine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shipment of Viagra was hijacked on its way to the depot.

The police are warning citizens to be on the look out for a gang of hardened criminals.

If we isolated all the worlds criminals on an island for a hundred years what would they say if we met them again

G'day mate

Dyslexic criminals love weed.

It's the ultimate getaway drug.

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