A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

They say criminals always return to the scene of the crime.

No wonder there are so many Australians in the UK.

Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months.

P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nice!

Sorry for the typo

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything i...

What do all criminals have in their blood?

Prison cells

What do infantile criminals fear the most?

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

Criminals who work in groups should be proud of themselves.

They’ve accompliced a lot.

One of my friends is writing a book about the speech patterns of prison and the criminals inside

In other words, the prose and cons of jail

Hi, I'm black, and I hate it when people assume we're all criminals.

-Sent from your iPhone

What do computer criminals like to eat?

Cheese and Hackers.

(My 7-year old son came up with that one, so go easy :)

A man has the opportunity to win a million dollars if he can cross lake Superior in a 16 foot sailboat...

The people sponsoring the challenge give the man two choices of what he can bring on the boat to assist him. He can either bring a large box of novels or two criminals. However, the people running the competition get to choose what the books are and who the criminals are.

The man realizes the...

How does Italy execute its criminals?

Guidotine

I’m trying to decide if I should become an athlete or a criminal

So I made a list of pros and cons.

If we isolated all the worlds criminals on an island for a hundred years what would they say if we met them again

G'day mate

What substance is just as effective against crime stoppers as it is against criminals?

Criptonite.

A prison van crashed into a cement mixer this morning...

Police are currently on the lookout for half a dozen hardened criminals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wanna hear about the criminals who stole a truck full of viagra?

They went to jail for 10 years and then became hardened criminals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The King and the Four Criminals

Once upon a time, there were four criminals on trial and they were all presented in front of the King.

King: "I shall forgive you of all your sins, you only need to do a task for me. Bring me 10 pieces of a fruit of your choosing. Don't bother escaping, for I will have you escorted by my ...

Criminals are called criminals because...

if they can commit a crime without being caught most of the time, they would be called Politicians.

Dyslexic criminals love weed.

It's the ultimate getaway drug.

3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso...

Instead of using the fear of prison to dissuade criminals, we should start making them eat Tide Pods.

That would be a real crime detergent.

What do you call two dirty criminals working together?

Partners in grime!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A pregnant woman is at the bank when it gets robbed and she is shot 3 times as the criminals leave.

She is sent to the doctor who tells her that miraculously she and the unborn babes are fine but the bullets have been incorporated into the children. No need to worry they are fine and will pass the bullets naturally as they grow. Many years go bye and the oldest daughter comes running to the mother...

What do you get when you cross a two criminals and a Jew?

Salvation

Who stopped The criminals in The dinosaur age?

The triceracops

Books written by criminals are so hard to reference

Everytime you quote it, it's out of context

3 criminals are about to be executed by a firing squad...

The first criminal is brought out. The captain yells "Arm!" then "Aim!" The criminal thinks quickly and shouts "Tsunami!" Being near a tsunami-prone area, the captain and his men look around. The criminal escapes.

The second criminal is then brought out. The captain orders his men the same as...

Honest Criminals

A man was pulled over by the police on the highway for speeding. The cop instructed the man to roll down his window.

"Were you aware of how fast you were just driving!?" the cop said.

"Yes, I was trying to escape the scene of a robbery I was involved in." the man replied.

"What!...