I have no doubt Prince Andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences

No sweat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a senile old man, an alleged rapist, and a neoliberal ghoul walk into a bar.

The bartender says "im sorry Mr. Biden, we are closed due to the coronavirus"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got drunk and to impress a girl, I swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

**EDIT: WOW, thanks for all the love on this post. It’s my first post in JOKES where I didn’t get ripped a new butthole for allegedly stealing/reposting. Thanks Reddit!**

Alleged record holder has managed to stay underwater holding his breath for 27 minutes

His funeral is on friday

I heard this on the radio earlier today

Dr Fauci allegedly said that after the pandemic is over and done with we will have to wear masks for 2 months on the back of our heads so our ears will return to normal

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're allegedly calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

A murder took place. Everyone witnessed the crime being committed.

They know it was E who brutally killed the man in question. They saw it. Against all previous odds of his record coming clear, people testified.


A jury was formed to try E on these alleged crimes. Due to the extreme gore of the crime scene and its explicit details, it was a closed hear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best Come Back Line Ever.'

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous .

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 12.01 a.m. on Friday.

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public i...

Recently a teacher got arrested...

Police found a pencil, ruler and notebook. Allegedly he was part of the Al-Gebra network and possessed weapons of math instruction.

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

"Allegedly Trump gave Russians intelligence "

I wonder how much he had in the first place and how much he is left with.

Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.

When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump pulls out of Paris Climate Arrangement after alleged threats to interfere with the U.S. Mexico border wall.

He heard "Climb-it" deal, and flipped out

Actually true: a guy in Oregon called the police today because he thought he was being robbed. Turned out the noise was his just Roomba getting trapped.

Seriously, look up the story if you don't believe me.

Anyway, it was all fine in the end. The alleged burglar made a clean getaway.

Allegedly the longest joke in the world: The story of Jack, and Nathan the Snake

It's actually so long that it won't fit into a Reddit post, but it's [worth the read if you have like an hour to kill.](http://www.wattpad.com/2012108-the-longest-joke-in-the-world-a-man-in-the-desert#.Uaa7x8qwUgk)

Allegedly, Kim Jong Un is Known for Reading Every Book in the World

No wonder why everyone calls him the supreme reader!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made on or over Comcast's High-Speed Internet service (the 'Service'). The copyright owner has identified the Internet Protocol ('IP') address associa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peter Dinkalage has been accused of sexual harassment.

He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

Allegedly he fingered A Minor.

Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce’s son

AllegedLee

My judge buddy told me about these two guys he had in his courtroom...

The two men were allegedly both involved in heinous crimes. The first man, Peter Phive, was accused of maliciously beating the second man, Willem Sephen. When questioned as to the motive of the attack, Mr. Phive claimed that Mr. Sephen murdered and consumed a dear friend of Mr. Phive's. The alleged ...

Why did the police arrest the baseball player?

Because he allegedly murdered his wife and kids.

What's the difference between Simba and OJ Simpson?

One's an African lion and the other is a lyin African (allegedly)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Joke for Mother's Day

An angry mob is getting prepared to stone a woman to death for allegedly committing adultery, when Jesus steps out and stands between the woman and the crowd. "Do not be so quick to judge the actions of others!" He proclaimed, "You all have had your moments of weakness. Let him who is without sin ca...

COLONOSCOPY

I was feeling nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy. On a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco. I was convinced that the beautiful nurses were allegedly more gentle and accommodating there.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, ...

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

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