In ancient Rome, a man was convicted for eating his wife.

The soldiers arrested him and bought him before Caesar.

"Do you have remorse for your heinous crime?" Caeser asked.

The Roman smiled and shook his head. He looked very happy.


Caeser was shocked. He told the guards

"To commit such an act is bad enough but to be happy a...

What do you call a cop who gets convicted of murder?

A good start.

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

They finally convicted Thomas the Train.

They found out he had a loco motive.

What did the convicted cannibal choose for his last meal?

Five guys

You know what makes a good gift for someone convicted of violence?

A salt lamp!

The convicted Australian criminal Mark "Chopper" Reid, who had his ears cut off in prison, wrote a book called No Tears for a Tough Guy.

Maybe it should've been called No Ears for a Tough Guy.

What did Russel Crowe say to the press when his son was convicted of cannibalism?

I was glad he ate her.

A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair.

On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens.

Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing.

They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing.<...

When convicted, why couldn't Santa's nephew complete his sentence?

He was a subordinate Clause.

Natural causes.

Once upon a time there was an old woman who was sick of her husband, but didn't want to get divorced. She knew he had a severe allergy to insect bites and stings, so she developed a plan.

She asked a friend who had a hive to give her the dead bodies of the insects around the hive. She took t...

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I believe that all convicted rapists should be castrated by the state...

I have no moral or philosophical reasoning behind this belief. I just really need a job right now.

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?”

"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

Manafort and Cohen flip on the President. Trump is convicted of treason. He is 'hung by the neck until dead.' Miraculously, minutes after his hanging, he walks out of the gallows and addresses the press:

"Fake noose, folks."

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A cannibal who fried another mans testicles was convicted of trying to bribe members of the jury

They didnt accept his teste-money

Rich man arrested for murder

A rich man is arrested for murder finds an Attorney that says

" Rich people don't to jail, You have too much money to go to jail, I'll represent you"

It was long drawn out trial, and when his client was convicted, the lawyer made sure he didn't have any money left.

What do you call a wrongly convicted painting?

Framed.

A convicted thief comes out of court and calls his wife:

-What did they say, Rob?

-Either 3 years in prison or $100,000

-Don't be stupid, take the money!

The valedictorian from my high school was convicted yesterday as an accessory to murder.

Everyone always said he would accomplice something.

In court I was convicted of constantly boasting about how attractive I am

I’m appealing.

Donald Trump is convicted of treason

His punishment is hanging. On the day of his execution, the rope is tied around his neck as thousands watch. The floor drops, but Trump is unharmed. The noose was fake.

I recently decided to apply for Australian citizenship, and I was surprised at some of the questions they asked.

Like, they asked if I had ever been convicted of a crime. I had no idea that was still a requirement.

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A man was convicted for murdering and eating his victims, which consisted of homosexuals and disabled people

When asked why he did this, he responded that he just wanted to get his 5 fruit and veg a day

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An identity thief and a rapist get convicted in a poor town...

The judge decides that the best punishment is to tie them up in a courtyard and for $5 you can punch the identity thief so he can never use his charm to con again, or for $10 you can kick the rapist in the nuts. The police officer in charge of this spots a girl kick the identity thief in the nuts an...

Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClarty.

Confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using on two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first know case of a knick knack paddy whack.







Credit: This was a Colin Mochrie joke from an early Who's Line is it Any Way e...

I was applying for Australian citizenship, and the guy asks me "have you ever been convicted of a felony?"

"Does stealing a joke count?" I asked.

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Australia should hire WWE wrestlers to enforce sentencing on convicted sex offenders.

That way we can have Undertaker and Mankind throw Pell in a cell.

Did you hear about the guy who was convicted for committing lewd acts on fruit at a grocery store? (Mildly NSFW)

He got off on a peel.

Cardinal George Pell has just been convicted of child abuse -

Just goes to show that abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

Bill Cosby may have been convicted, sentenced to prison, and end up bankrupt...

But at least he'll always have a roofie over his head.

My wife and I were convicted of paedophilia

The kids are taking it pretty hard.

If Fetty Wap is ever convicted of a crime...

He could change his name to ConFetty.

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LPT: If you've been convicted of a sex crime, change your name to offender.dll

Then no one will be able to find you in the registry.

BREAKING NEWS: Man convicted of first degree murder. He pleaded guilty of killing another man by repeatedly slamming his victim's head in a door made of cement.

"The case was open-and-shut." Said the prosecutor.

"We had plenty of concrete evidence."

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A prisoner convicted of beastiality has escaped.

Recent reports confirm he's on the lamb.

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Who sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows if you’re awake?

Convicted rapist Brock Turner.

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

Many people are wrongly convicted. How will the judicial system improve?

By trial and error

Sherlock was convicted for child molestation

A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"

"Elementary, my dear Watson..."

TIL Abraham Lincoln is the only president that cannot be convicted of a crime

Because he's innocent.

Australian immigration asks...

Friend of a friend was entering Australia, going through customs.

Them: “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” Him: “I didn’t know it was still a requirement!”

They eventually did let him in, but they were clearly not happy with him.

A man committed a murder, and he made the mistake of dragging the body across a freshly-paved sidewalk.

He was easily convicted. There was concrete evidence

Will Smith was convicted

They found fresh prints at the scene....

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

Why did the crazy Mexican conductor get convicted for a crime?

...because he had Loco-Motive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the beef jerky manufacturer who was convicted of fraud?

It was a cut and dry case.

In court

Judge: Do your swear to speak the truth and nothing other than the truth?

Convicted: depends, if it is something super personal like, what I ate at 3 days ago, I might lie

The convicted was being accused of cannibalism

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