UPJOKE
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A guy in North Korea is walking home after his day at work . . .

. . . and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and says to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

"What did you do that for?" he asks.

"Curfew violation," t...

North Korea is handling Covid surprisingly well

Last week 9/10 doctors said Covid-19 was under control,



This week the stat went up to 9/9!

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

North Korea’s leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder...

...Is Kim Jong ill?

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

Is there freedom of speech in North Korea?

Yes.

But depending on the speech, there may not be much freedom after the speech.

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

The US ambassador was meeting the North Korea ambassador.

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris....

It's crazy that they only have one unit of measurement in North Korea.

A supreme liter

North Korea has declared a 'cultural war' on K-pop coming in from the South. They decided the best way to counter this would be to creat their own genre of music.

They have named it K-Boom.

What's the difference between North Korea and the USA?

In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.

In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather.

A prisoner in North Korea goes to the prison library to borrow a book of an author activist

The librarian says, "We don't have his book, but we have him."

North Korea announced to have successfully landed a man on the Sun

During a live interview with Kim Jong-un, a reporter asked, "the Sun is very hot! How did you land a man?" Kim proudly replied, "we launch at night!"

Meanwhile, Trump tweeted while watching the live, "Haha what an idiot! There is no Sun at night!"

What's the difference between North Korea and EA?

North Korea hasn't screwed up as many launches as EA

Did you see that gymnast from North Korea in the Olympics?

She didn't win gold but her execution was flawless.

I asked my friend how he likes living in North Korea.

He said he couldn't complain.

Why North Korea falling in love with South Korea?

Because South Korea has a beautiful Seoul

The whole world should be worried if North Korea has a missile that can hit New York...

...because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

[LIGHTLY POLITICAL] North Korea is a horrible nation to its citizens, why can't it be more like South Korea?

Because North Korea has no Seoul.

North Korea has made a plan to combat COVID-19

It is executed perfectly

There are two possibilities in North Korea

Either Kim Jong ill or Kim Jong urn

News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea

Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead

Did you hear about the pole vault champion of North Korea?

He’s now the pole vault champion of South Korea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

North Korea reported a 50% success on turning shit into butter

Spread is on par. Taste still slightly off.

What’s the difference between North Korea and the North Pole?

One of them is forever ruled by a jolly fat man who directs an entire race of short people to produce packages he can drop from the sky all over the world, and the other is the North Pole.

North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

North Korea providing updated coronavirus case numbers every 30 minutes today -

8:00AM - 1 case
8:30AM - 0 cases
9:00AM - 1 case
9:30AM - 0 cases
10:00AM - 1 case
10:30AM - 0 cases

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and controlled news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, America.

Why is North Korea so heartless?

because they have no seoul

ahahahah.. please laugh

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

North Korea bans sarcasm

What a great idea.

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

It turns out North Korea has been naughty on purpose.

They’re hoping Santa will bring them all lumps of coal for Christmas.

When I was young, I brought a pie to the USA, a pie to Russia, and a pie to North Korea.

All because my maths teacher told me to carry pie to 3 dismal places.

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

What does the F in North Korea stand for?

Food

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...

...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

BREAKING: Cure for corona has been discovered in North Korea

New treatment involves shooting patients in the face, and has recorded a 100% success rate in getting rid of the virus.

Visited North Korea over the summer, but had to leave one of my bags there.

On the bright side, that raised their GDP by 0.5%

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Usa, North Korea, and your boobs have in common?

They all deserve to be in better hands.

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

How does North Korea have 0 coronacases?

They have always been on lockdown.

Due to COVID-19, North Korea has shut down all of its air and railway routes across its borders with China, and is keeping all foreigners arriving in the country via China isolated for up to one month.

TIL People are trying to get into North Korea.

North Korea is threatening to send the US a Christmas present.

I don’t think anyone has told them about our return policy.

I want to visit north Korea one day...

before everything goes south.

While in North Korea they abducted Trump, and demanded the US give them a billion dollars or else . . . .

they would give him back.

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So now that Kim Jong Uns sister is going to rule North Korea

Is she the worlds first vagtator?

i am StationEd at North korea to check the status of their leaDer.

everyone HerE is so hostiLe and Pleasant.

I ask my friend in North Korea how he likes it there

His exact words were... "I can't complain"

Must not be all that bad there.

Kim Jung Un responds to why he doesn't let people leave North Korea.

Kim Jung Un has said "The intent is to provide people with a sense of pride and accomplishment for escaping North Korea"

It’s good to see North Korea’s economy getting back on track

Apparently they’re producing vegetables now.

North Korea discovered a capsule that stops Corona Virus

45 ACP capsule

North Korea has discovered the most Effective vaccine for Covid-19

They are calling it " One Bullet Vaccine "

Why is North Korea evil?

Because it's Seoul-less! ;D

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

I just read North Korea sentenced Trump to death by hanging for calling Kim Jong-un 'short and fat'.

Fake Noose?

Why isn't there any helium in North Korea?

Because helium can only be found in a free state.

The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...

Upon their arrival, they all marvel at the view of the earth from such magnificent heights. They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

The Russian leader talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outerspace. The other leaders ...

If you want to know why R&B music is not popular in North Korea...

...it's because they have no Seoul.

Official Coronavirus Count over time in North Korea

12.01: 1


12.02: 0


13.16: 1


13.17: 0


16.24: 1


16.25: 0


...


...


...

I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like!

[Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.

Did you know North Korea's military marches to the left?

They have no rights

North Korea just announced it will host peace talks...

Between the United States and Canada.

Letter from North Korea

When my friend moved to North Korea, he knew his mail would be read by censors, so he told me: "Let's establish a code. If a letter you get from me is written in blue ink, it is true what I say. If it is written in red ink, it is false."
After a month, I got the first letter. Everything was wri...

Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea

He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made up a joke about North Korea...

Kim Jong-Un awakes to a beautiful sunrise above his North Korean palace. He calls out to the morning sun. "Good morning, sun!" he shouts.

Incredibly, the sun responds to him. "Good morning, my dear leader!" the sun shouts back.

Later that day, Kim Jong-Un addresses the sun once again...

How is a hydrogen ion similar to North Korea?

They have no electrons.

How does Kim Jong Un maintain power in North Korea and combat ED?

He puts on fake erections

North Korea COVID19 update today.

8:00 am: 0
9:15 am: 1
9:16 am: 0
10:16 am: 0
11:45 am: 1
11:46 am: 0

They seem to have found the cure to deal with the corono virus! 🦠

An ant is lying in its deathbed in North Korea.

He calls his son and says he wanted to tell him something for a long time.

Son Ant : What is it dad?

Father Ant : I cannot say that in this god forbidden country we have to move immediately to France or Italy before i am dead.

Confused,the Son Ant made arrangements to move to Fr...

Why is life in North Korea so lifeless?

Cause it lost it's Seoul!

Why does North Korea have the highest literacy rate?

Because Kim Jong-un is supreme reader!

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

Apparently North Korea only has 3 tv channels...

Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois

If North Korea ever made propaganda rap, it would be K-RAP

The name is self-explanatory

A wife is like north korea

You never really understand whats going on with her

I'll be so demoralised if North Korea decides to invade South Korea...

It'd be Seoul destroying

All western rock classics are banned in North Korea.

Except ”Sweet Child in a Mine”

Did you know that in North Korea, the soldiers always march to the left?

That's because there are no rights.

Nicki Minaj, Donald Trump, hoverboards, North Korea....

Oh wait, this *is* the place to post jokes, right?

In North Korea...

[edited] everything is grand and prosperous and USA is smelly

Why did the U.S send Cam Newton to North Korea?

So he could overthrow Kim Jong-Un

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