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My grandfather, a Vietnam veteran,hooked up with a Viet girl a few years after the war.

He told me the story of how they met at a bar, and how he took her home that night, and how he began having PTSD flashbacks as soon as she undressed.

"Why's that?" I asked him.

"It was just like the war," he said. "I couldn't see the Vietnamese in all the bush."

\----

Be...

Why doesn’t the Lorax go to Vietnam?

Because the trees can speak for themselves

My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly.

We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.

What does fortnite and Vietnam have in common

Bushcamping

“Son, in Vietnam, I killed hundreds of people”

Son: But dad you also said you were just a shipwright

Dad: Never said I was a good one

My grandfather did 5 years in Vietnam.

Turns out armed robbery is illegal there too.

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There's some soldiers in Vietnam.And they've been pinned down in their trench for days.

Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes.When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back."

So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle.

But he's gone for a good half an hou...

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Veteran retirement salary

3 US Veterans are sitting before their last medical check-up.

The doctor walks out and says: we are going to take one measurement from your body and it will be your monthly payment for the retirement.

all the veterans agree. The first says from my toes to my head, they take the measur...

During the Vietnam war what was the Americans favourite game to play?

Mine sweeper.

I went to Vietnam and someone on the street peed all over me

I still get splashbacks

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Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

My friend couldn't stop talking about her Vietnam trip.

She was really hannoying.

It can never remember the capital of Vietnam

It's really Hanoi-ing

If your visit of Vietnam's capital was unpleasant...

Then it was definitely an Hanoi-ing experience.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You don’t know? THAT’S CUZ YOU WEREN’T THERE MAN!!!

Why did the Vietnam veteran cross the road?

''YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!!!"

My dad, a vietnam veteran, told me that there's one thing that always sticks with kids and adults no matter how old they are.

Napalm

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The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his hea...

What's the difference between Twitter and Vietnam?

Trump would never dodge a Twitter war.

Back in Vietnam

A man sees husband and wife walking, the man is on the front with a bike and behind him comes the wife pulling wagons with all of their belongings.

The man asks the husband, why this way.

The man replies: "tradition"

The next day the man sees this couple again walking down the r...

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You weren't there man!

The most common name in Vietnam can be used as both a first and a last name

I guess for them, it’s a Nguyen Nguyen situation

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Two American soldiers were walking in the jungle of Vietnam

As they were walking, a snake pops out of nowhere and bites one of them, right on his penis.
He collapses shortly afterward and starts sweating.

“I don’t wanna lose you buddy” the other soldier says as he’s crying and holding his dying friends hand.

The bitten soldier says “listen...

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I didn't go to Vietnam and lose a leg to put up with this shit....

But you have both your legs???

LIKE I SAID!

I DID not go to Vietnam and lose a leg!

never show a Vietnam veteran the movie The Loras

He's had enough of people speaking for the trees.

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

If America had stayed out of the Vietnam war

It would have been a Nguyen-Nguyen situation

How do you know if an old guy fought in Vietnam?

Don't worry, he'll tell you.

My brother just came back from Vietnam. I asked him how was it, and he said the country is vulgar.

Everywhere was 'Phuc' this and 'Phuc' that.

Who is the most feared spy in Vietnam?

Agent Orange

My essay about the Vietnam War went from an idea straight to a final version

I dodged the draft

Did you hear about when Trump fought in Vietnam?

A few soldiers were discussing our new President and how worthy he was to serve. They mocked him endlessly until a Private spoke up.

"Didn't you know The President fought in Vietnam?"

"He ain't no soldier, you maggot!"

"No its true! Although I heard he was very controversial and...

If Trump had actually served in Vietnam...

He would’ve fought at the Battle of Hamberder Hill

What do you call a Vietnam war hero with a new apartment?

New tenant Dan

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam.

Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the jungle. Not that you could ever see those bastards mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when...

Vietnam veteran's hilarious true story

A bunch of US soldiers were marching across a field. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Hey, do you see where we are?" He looks around and realizes they are walking through a massive field of marijuana. The soldiers started breaking off plants and stuffing them into their clothes and their helmets,...

Why did Vietnam revolt against the French?

Because they knew they would Nguyen.

If Trump was a spy in the Vietnam War, what would his code name be?

Agent Orange

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

Every time somebody yelled, "GET DOWN!" they'd get up and dance.

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Vietnam veteran comes back from a tour of duty...

only to find out he has some kind of exotic STD. his dick burns when he pisses and has lumps and bumps on it that are red, green, blue and purple. He goes to the V.A. hospital and the doctor says he's never seen anything like it, but he's pretty sure he's going to have to amputate.

"Fuck tha...

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A soldier comes back from Vietnam...

And finds out he caught some kind of bad crotch-rot from one of the hookers. His dick is changing colors; red, purple, green, so he goes to the VA to get it looked at.

The first doctor sees it and immediately says "I've never seen anything like that, I think we're going to have to amputate".<...

Making a joke in 2019 is like taking a hike through a Vietnamese forest

You never know what you’re going to set off

They put a protective casing over the Vietnam Wall.

They're calling it the Maya Lin sheath.

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Vietnam

Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."

Have you ever visited the area between Thailand and Vietnam?

Don't bother. It's pretty Laos-y.

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why did so many black people die in the Vietnam war?

every time the sergeant shouted GET DOWN! they all started dancing

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The Pentagon said they had too many generals running around

so they wanted to get rid of some of them. To go about this, they decided to offer $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body that they wanted measured. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from the top of his head to his toes. He was 69 inches, so he received...

Deep in the jungles of Vietnam...

...you don't know what's friend and what's pho

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Chuck is on the last day of his tour in Vietnam...

...and he decides to celebrate. He goes into the city, gets very drunk, and sleeps with a Vietnamese hooker. A few days later, back in the states, he wakes up to find that his dick is covered in purple spots. So he goes to the doctor.

"I'm sorry, son," the doctor says, "but you've contracted ...

Who is Vietnam's greatest superhero?

Vietman.

What does a menopausal Vietnam vet suffer from?

Hot flashbacks

A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era

In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amput...

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Did you hear about the Vietnam veteran who became a sewage worker?

He's seen some shit.

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A guy goes to the U. S. Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “have you been in the service?”

“Yes,” he says. “I was in Vietnam for three years.”

The interviewer then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes 100%… a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.”

The interviewer te...

Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam

At the end of the Vietnam war

An American and Vietcong General were discussing who would have won if the war had continued. Unable to agree they decided to hold a competition between the US Army, the Green Berets and the Vietcong.

The competition was simple, whoever could catch a rabbit the fastest in the jungle would be ...

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The Length Contest

There was this contest for longest lengths on the human body made by an eccentric billionaire who would pay 100 dollars per centimeter on any length measured on a person.

Tall Guy: Measure me from my head to toe!And it measured 186cm, he gets 18600 dollars

Second Guy thinks he is smart...

Did you know that more black men died in Vietnam than white men?

It's all because when their sergeant would yell get down they would all start dancing.

The Vietnam newbie was told they didn't have any more M-16's...

and he should just point his finger and yell "BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
He's out on patrol, he sees enemy soldiers and points his finger.
"BANGITY! BANGITY! BANG!"
Much to his amazement, the enemy soldiers fall to the ground dead. He continues on his way, killing more and more VC...

My mother went missing in Vietnam during the war...

Momma MIA!

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

'Cause Charlie don't serf.

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The county's eldest man had just turn a 100 years old and local tv was reporting on the event...

The reporter had her crew set up in the living room of the retirement home where the man, born in 1919, was watching days pass by.

She sat on a chair in front of him, ready to start taping the feel-good segment of the night's local news.

"I'm with mister James Woodson, our county's eld...

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Uncle John in Vietnam

A grade school teacher assigned everyone in the class to come back after the weekend with a story to tell the class that had a moral teaching in it. When the class came back on Monday the teacher had them come up and tell their stories.

"Alright Suzie, come up and tell us your story."
Suz...

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