As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

I was travelling through Saudi Arabia the other week, when I suddenly become quite peckish

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

The people of Saudi Arabia don’t like The Flintstones

But the people of Abu Dhabi doooooo!

A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.

You...

Saudi Arabia is on the UN Human Rights Committee.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My friend was caught with a kilo of weed in Saudi Arabia.

He was stoned.

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

what do you call a boys school in saudi arabia?

driving school

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

Saudi Arabia won against Egypt in a Soccer match.

Egyptians had a better plan but Saudis had better execution.

Cannabis is totally illegal in Saudi Arabia...

but you can still get stoned!

You can even drop acid...

As long as it's on an adulterer's face.

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't they have driving classes and sex Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

Because the camels can't handle it

Russia won against Saudi Arabia...

Counter Terrorist wins!

It is a great thing that women can now drive in Saudi Arabia!

It is ilegal for them to be stoned while driving.

I got stoned in Saudi Arabia

Got to say it was less enjoyable than it was in Amsterdam

It seems Like Saudi Arabia

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

What happens is Soviet socialism comes to Saudi Arabia?

For the first five years, nothing, and then there will be a shortage of sand.

Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

Two Christians are on a plane near Saudi Arabia...

... when the plane crashes, and they are stranded in some desert. Fortunately they survived with only small injuries. These Christians, John and Steve, start walking under the heat of the desert sun. After a few hours, they see a mosque in a distance. John wanted to make a plan.

**John**: Let...

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Similarity between holiday at Amsterdam anf Saudi Arabia?

Both places you have sex and get stoned

A Frenchman, A German and An Englishman are caught smuggling booze in Saudi Arabia!

They are all ordered to be whipped and will receive 30 whips each,
they ask the Frenchman what he would like on his back while he is whipped and he replies " A cushion" . After about 15 whips the cushion comes apart and the Frenchman is left screaming with a red back.
Then they as the German ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In Saudi Arabia, why don't they teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same day

The camel would get too tired

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy in Saudi Arabia once masturbated, breaking the law of the land. His name?

Sheik Dawood.

To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.

An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Australian, an American and a New Zealander are enjoying some beer in Saudi Arabia.

...even though it is against the law to drink alcohol there. They are captured by the Sheik and are sentenced to death, until his wife runs up to him and whispers something in his ear. She glances to the New Zealander, and whispers some more.

The sheik steps forward and announces: "Because it...

After Iran and Saudi Arabia cut ties Iranians stopped praying towards Mecca

... all their prayers are going to go to Spam anyway

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Saudi Arabia now supports euthanasia

Just proclaim you are homosexual

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba...

Who is the most hated actor in Saudi Arabia?

Shia Labeouf

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia.

(I'm not sorry)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The King of Saudi Arabia is very concerned that an Arabic Oryx hasn't been seen all year...

The Oryx is of course a beautiful animal, and the King is concerned that extinction could be coming for this beautiful symbol of his Kingdom. He desperately wants to save and ensure the survival the Oryx at all costs

The King decides to approach some of the world's best to help him track one ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a method of getting long lashes instantly.

She showed a little bit of her ankle in Saudi Arabia.

Two old college buddies bump into each other

Two old college buddies bump into each other at the reunion after 10 years apart. Jack and Hadid used to be thick as thieves back in college, chasing girls, getting into trouble and all sorts of mischief.

Jack was surprised to find out that Hadid also took up a career in stand up comedy and b...

United States: A reporter that criticizes the government...

...might be labeled as fake news and have mean presidential tweets written about them.



Central America: A reporter that criticizes the government may be secretly arrested in the middle of the night.




Saudi Arabia: Hold my beer...

Why Trump will not pardon turkey this year?

Because it snitched on Saudi Arabia's crown prince

What's with Trump and landscape equipment?

First he's raking for California, now he's hoeing for Saudi Arabia.

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman...

...are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
<...

People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11...

He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...

I can count the number of times I've been caught shoplifting on one hand.

Which is just as well, as I live in Saudi Arabia.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Interview with an Arabian

An American journalist student is in Saudi Arabia working on a paper about the lives of the average person in the middle east, when he finds an Arabian and decides to see if he would be willing to participate.

Excuse me sir, can I get you to be a part of a short survey I'm taking

Yes, ...

Saudi TV Mistake

Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake.

Donald Trump and Putin walk into a bar.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin walk into a bar
They approach the bar and take a seat. The bartender, raising his eyebrow questions, " Good afternoon Mister president, what brings you in this fine afternoon?"
"I just made the yuuuugest arms deal in history today with Saudi Arabia and this gre...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...