A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

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The best extra virgin olive oil comes from Saudi Arabia.

They hand inspect each olive to make sure it's still a virgin.

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to the local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 8th century?

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

Why is Saudi Arabia so late to givng rights to women?

Because they have been living under Iraq.

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

It's legal to get stoned!

My friend was arrested for stealing in Saudi Arabia...

... fortunately he’d stolen a prosthetic hand.

Unfortunately it was a second offence.

I was travelling through Saudi Arabia the other week, when I suddenly become quite peckish

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

Public punishments in Saudi Arabia are really hard

It’s like beating dark soles

A Manchester United fan, Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were caught drinking in Saudi Arabia....

An Everton fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip....

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

People in Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones

But people in Abu Dhabi do

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

There's this amazing joke about Saudi Arabia's currency, but I forgot where I heard it

Then I remembered that I found the Riyal joke in the comments

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

My friend was caught with a kilo of weed in Saudi Arabia.

He was stoned.

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

Why did Saudi Arabia banned chess and called it a dangerous game.?

Because, The queen can roam freely wherever she wants to.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit...

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

Saudi Arabia won against Egypt in a Soccer match.

Egyptians had a better plan but Saudis had better execution.

Cannabis is totally illegal in Saudi Arabia...

but you can still get stoned!

You can even drop acid...

As long as it's on an adulterer's face.

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

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Three friends, a cop, a fireman and a sanitation worker were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will b...

It is a great thing that women can now drive in Saudi Arabia!

It is ilegal for them to be stoned while driving.

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Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

Russia won against Saudi Arabia...

Counter Terrorist wins!

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

I got stoned in Saudi Arabia

Got to say it was less enjoyable than it was in Amsterdam

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Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba...

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In Saudi Arabia, why don't they teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same day

The camel would get too tired

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

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3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

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Similarity between holiday at Amsterdam anf Saudi Arabia?

Both places you have sex and get stoned

A Frenchman, A German and An Englishman are caught smuggling booze in Saudi Arabia!

They are all ordered to be whipped and will receive 30 whips each,
they ask the Frenchman what he would like on his back while he is whipped and he replies " A cushion" . After about 15 whips the cushion comes apart and the Frenchman is left screaming with a red back.
Then they as the German ...

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

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Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

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A guy in Saudi Arabia once masturbated, breaking the law of the land. His name?

Sheik Dawood.

To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.

An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

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Saudi Arabia now supports euthanasia

Just proclaim you are homosexual

I hate when people joke about 9/11, my uncle died there

He was the greatest pilot Saudi Arabia had seen in years

After Iran and Saudi Arabia cut ties Iranians stopped praying towards Mecca

... all their prayers are going to go to Spam anyway

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia.

(I'm not sorry)

Are you a woman who wants longer fuller lashes?

Try showing a bit of ankle in Saudi Arabia

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a method of getting long lashes instantly.

She showed a little bit of her ankle in Saudi Arabia.

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Protest in Saudi Arabia

A Saudi cleric has declared that a popular beach is off-limits to Muslims because women swimming, even in face-covering burkinis, is un-Islamic. A movement of Saudi men is protesting by going naked in public, drawing attention to the sexist clothing laws in the Kingdom. These men have all got their ...

United States: A reporter that criticizes the government...

...might be labeled as fake news and have mean presidential tweets written about them.



Central America: A reporter that criticizes the government may be secretly arrested in the middle of the night.




Saudi Arabia: Hold my beer...

What's with Trump and landscape equipment?

First he's raking for California, now he's hoeing for Saudi Arabia.

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A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

People should really stop making jokes about major tragedies. My Dad died on 9/11...

He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia...

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