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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

What happens if you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned

A Manchester United fan, Liverpool fan and an Everton fan were caught drinking in Saudi Arabia....

An Everton fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze.

All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip....

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

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A reporter conducted an interview in Saudi Arabia

Reporter: name?

Man: Abdul

Reporter: sex?

Man: four or five times a week

Reporter: no I mean like male or female!!

Man: yes yes females everywhere, sometimes camel

Reporter: holy cow!

Man: yes cow, sheep, animals in
general... just not pig

...

There's this amazing joke about Saudi Arabia's currency, but I forgot where I heard it

Then I remembered that I found the Riyal joke in the comments

I was travelling through Saudi Arabia the other week, when I suddenly become quite peckish

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

Public punishments in Saudi Arabia are really hard

It’s like beating dark soles

So I went to Saudi Arabia last week

As the plane landed they told us to adjust our clocks to the local time. So i stood up and said
"Does anyone know how to turn your clock back to the 6th Century"

My friend was arrested for stealing in Saudi Arabia...

... fortunately he’d stolen a prosthetic hand.

Unfortunately it was a second offence.

People in Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones

But people in Abu Dhabi do

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

what do you call a boys school in saudi arabia?

driving school

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

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Why don't they have driving classes and sex Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

Because the camels can't handle it

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

Saudi Arabia won against Egypt in a Soccer match.

Egyptians had a better plan but Saudis had better execution.

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit...

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

Cannabis is totally illegal in Saudi Arabia...

but you can still get stoned!

You can even drop acid...

As long as it's on an adulterer's face.

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

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Three friends, a cop, a fireman and a sanitation worker were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will b...

Russia won against Saudi Arabia...

Counter Terrorist wins!

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

I got stoned in Saudi Arabia

Got to say it was less enjoyable than it was in Amsterdam

It is a great thing that women can now drive in Saudi Arabia!

It is ilegal for them to be stoned while driving.

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

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Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

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Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

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Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

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In Saudi Arabia, why don't they teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same day

The camel would get too tired

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

Who is the most hated actor in Saudi Arabia?

Shia Labeouf

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Similarity between holiday at Amsterdam anf Saudi Arabia?

Both places you have sex and get stoned

Bob Marley in Saudi Arabia

I Shot The Sharif

A Frenchman, A German and An Englishman are caught smuggling booze in Saudi Arabia!

They are all ordered to be whipped and will receive 30 whips each,
they ask the Frenchman what he would like on his back while he is whipped and he replies " A cushion" . After about 15 whips the cushion comes apart and the Frenchman is left screaming with a red back.
Then they as the German ...

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

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A guy in Saudi Arabia once masturbated, breaking the law of the land. His name?

Sheik Dawood.

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3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.

An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba...

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Saudi Arabia now supports euthanasia

Just proclaim you are homosexual

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia.

(I'm not sorry)

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Why does Saudi Arabia import so many camels from Australia?

They've got to get their 72 virgins *somewhere*

United States: A reporter that criticizes the government...

...might be labeled as fake news and have mean presidential tweets written about them.



Central America: A reporter that criticizes the government may be secretly arrested in the middle of the night.




Saudi Arabia: Hold my beer...

I hate when people joke about 9/11, my uncle died there

He was the greatest pilot Saudi Arabia had seen in years

Are you a woman who wants longer fuller lashes?

Try showing a bit of ankle in Saudi Arabia

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a method of getting long lashes instantly.

She showed a little bit of her ankle in Saudi Arabia.

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

The Peanuts Gang are sitting in class

Their teacher announces that they will each write a report on a Middle Eastern country as part of their geography homework. The teacher passes around a hat from which they draw a random country to write about.

Linus goes first. "Wow, I got Saudi Arabia!"

Next is Lucy. "Hey, I got Syria...

What's with Trump and landscape equipment?

First he's raking for California, now he's hoeing for Saudi Arabia.

Why Trump will not pardon turkey this year?

Because it snitched on Saudi Arabia's crown prince

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A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

I can count the number of times I've been caught shoplifting on one hand.

Which is just as well, as I live in Saudi Arabia.

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