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Saudi Arabia Jokes

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

What's Saudi Arabia's most popular sitcom?

How I bought your mother

In America, "five finger discount" means you're shoplifting

In Saudi Arabia, "five finger discount" means you got caught shoplifting.

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

I accidentally dialed a suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia.

The first question they asked was if I knew how to fly a plane.

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

TIL that Saudi Arabia has over 130 males for every 100 females in the country

It must be awesome to be a woman in Saudi Arabia!

Who grows the best weed in the world?

Saudi Arabia, smoke it once and get stoned twice

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

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What's the difference between Margot Robbie and Saudi Arabia?

One of them has an arresting gaze..



>!The other IS arresting gays.!<

Why is Shia LeBeouf not allowed in Saudi Arabia?

Because he is Shia.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman...

...were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to ...

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.


The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:


“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the ...

John, Paddy and Scott are on a trip in Saudi Arabia.

Paddy is driving his little red car, which has seen better days. John and Scott are drunk in the back.

Suddenly, ahead of them, they see an oil well on fire.
The firefighters are unsuccessfully trying to extinguish the flames.

Paddy drives straight over the well, blocking the oxygen...

Why was the TV show "The Bachelor" a failure in Saudi Arabia?

Episode 1, after 10 mins:

"I'll take them all..."

\- End -

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

I hate when people joke about 9/11, my uncle died there

He was the greatest pilot Saudi Arabia had seen in years

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

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Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.
“I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be...

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

No more oil!

Saudi Arabia is definitely moving away from oil based economy. Milk is a interesting commodity. I bet soon they will dominate the market , these new milkshejkes.

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Ryan Gosling went to live in Saudi Arabia for a year.

He and a local Saudi girl fell in love.

The girl would secretly sneak out of her house in the middle of the night without a male companion to hangout with Ryan. They would go to Ryan's place and make love for the whole night. Ryan would drop her back before the dawn. She would quietly sneak i...

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

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Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

Time zones are weird - Australia is in 2020. America is in 2019..

Des Moines is in 1998, Alabama in 1865, Saudi Arabia 1576.

Research shows

that the people of Saudi Arabia don't like "The Flintstones"..

But the people of Abu Dhabi do.

Are you a woman who wants longer lashes?

Try showing abit of ankle in saudi arabia

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

.

Why is Saudi Arabia the first to get Ramzan?

They bought the founders edition.

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a method of getting long lashes instantly.

She showed a little bit of her ankle in Saudi Arabia.

Got stoned once when I had a sudden realization:

I shouldn't have broken the law in Saudi Arabia!

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

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Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

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3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

A conjurer was caught stealing in Saudi Arabia.

It's ok, he can still do amazing feets of magic.

United States: A reporter that criticizes the government...

...might be labeled as fake news and have mean presidential tweets written about them.



Central America: A reporter that criticizes the government may be secretly arrested in the middle of the night.




Saudi Arabia: Hold my beer...

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

Public punishments in Saudi Arabia are really hard

It’s like beating dark soles

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

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An interesting joke

I remember a joke from a stand up show .
If I remember correctly it's from Gabriel Iglesias when he was in Saudi Arabia. The joke goes something like this .

Two Jews walk into a bar . Not in my country hehehe.

I remember this stupid joke from time to time and it cracks me up e...

Ladies, do you want longer lashes?

Show a little skin in Saudi Arabia!

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't they have driving classes and sex Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

Because the camels can't handle it

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

I have an exam tomorrow for my “Women in Saudi Arabia” class, and I’m sure I am going to fail.

It covers everything.

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

It seems Like Saudi Arabia

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

Why Trump will not pardon turkey this year?

Because it snitched on Saudi Arabia's crown prince

What's with Trump and landscape equipment?

First he's raking for California, now he's hoeing for Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

I can count the number of times I've been caught shoplifting on one hand.

Which is just as well, as I live in Saudi Arabia.

It is a great thing that women can now drive in Saudi Arabia!

It is ilegal for them to be stoned while driving.

Donald Trump and Putin walk into a bar.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin walk into a bar
They approach the bar and take a seat. The bartender, raising his eyebrow questions, " Good afternoon Mister president, what brings you in this fine afternoon?"
"I just made the yuuuugest arms deal in history today with Saudi Arabia and this gre...

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

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