An Indian, a Pakistani and a Chinese are caught in a criminal act in Saudi Arabia and sentenced to flogging.

The Saudi flogger walks up to them and says : "Look, you all belong to some important countries so i gotta go easy on you. I'll let you pick how you want to get flogged"



The Chinese says: "Ok thanks habibi, please tie a mattress to my back and flog me then ok?"



Saudi du...

An American, a German, and a Chinese got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia

So for the terrible crime, they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:

“It is my first wife’s birthday today, and she would like to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”

The German was first in...

I have an exam tomorrow for my “Women in Saudi Arabia” class, and I’m sure I am going to fail.

It covers everything.

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
The Queen is more powerful than the King.
The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

A man is walking in the desert in Saudi Arabia.

As he's walking, a local man on a camel begins to come into view. The tourist turned and could see that a woman was walking behind the local man on the camel. The tourist asked the man:

"Who is that?"

"That is my wife," he replied.

"Wouldn't it be kinder to let her ride the came...

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

Why is Saudi Arabia so late to givng rights to women?

Because they have been living under Iraq.

People in Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones

But people in Abu Dhabi do

Let me tell you about the time I smoked weed in Saudi Arabia...

I got stoned to death.

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Ryan Gosling went to live in Saudi Arabia for a year.

He and a local Saudi girl fell in love.

The girl would secretly sneak out of her house in the middle of the night without a male companion to hangout with Ryan. They would go to Ryan's place and make love for the whole night. Ryan would drop her back before the dawn. She would quietly sneak i...

Women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia now, however they can only turn left ...

Because you know... There are no women's rights there...

There's this amazing joke about Saudi Arabia's currency, but I forgot where I heard it

Then I remembered that I found the Riyal joke in the comments

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

Public punishments in Saudi Arabia are really hard

It’s like beating dark soles

So I went to Saudi Arabia last week

As the plane landed they told us to adjust our clocks to the local time. So i stood up and said
"Does anyone know how to turn your clock back to the 6th Century"

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

I was travelling through Saudi Arabia the other week, when I suddenly become quite peckish

So I stumbled into Mecca Donalds and ordered a double aloha snakbar.

The reason why Saudi Arabia has so much money is not because of oil, .

but, because they wouldn't let their women spend it

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Why is the weather so nice in Saudi Arabia?

It's always Sunni!

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

Due to the recent relaxation of laws in Saudi Arabia,

a new chain of fast food restaurants are opening up which are run solely by women.

It's called Burka King.

Africans arrested in Saudi Arabia

A Togolese, Nigerian and a Ghanaian were arrested for drinking alcohol in Saudi Arabia.

The three of them were dragged in front of one of the princes, who said:

“You will get 50 lashes for the consumption of alcohol. However, since you are foreigners and did not know about the prohibit...

What’s the most popular breakfast cereal in Saudi Arabia?

Fruties Pebbled

Saudi Arabia won against Egypt in a Soccer match.

Egyptians had a better plan but Saudis had better execution.

Saudi Arabia is not good at covering things like the Khashoggi killing

except women

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Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

what do you call a boys school in saudi arabia?

driving school

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

I told my mate I was going to open a shop in Saudi Arabia.

“Dubai” he asked?
“Yes” I replied, “And sell”

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

Saudi Arabia heard that Trump was going to pardon a turkey

But they'd still like to have a word with it at their embassy.

I was in Saudi Arabia the other day and I asked somebody if they had any spare change.

They said," Yemen."

Two blokes are out driving in Saudi Arabia.

The driver has a row of stitches around both his wrists. His mate points at them and says, “I see you won your appeal then...”

WWE is postponing their upcoming event in Saudi Arabia until December.

And they are changing the name of the event to December to Dismember.

It's No Surprise That Saudi Arabia Is The Way It Is...

They literally live under Iraq.

With women being able to drive in Saudi Arabia, they will open a woman-only taxi service.

It'll be called NiCab.

It seems Like Saudi Arabia

will surely beheading out of the World Cup

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

Russia won against Saudi Arabia...

Counter Terrorist wins!

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Three friends, a cop, a fireman and a sanitation worker were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will b...

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Look at the situation in Saudi Arabia

- Royal princes are getting killed

- they fuck their cousins

- they go to war with neighboring countries

- they have stupid rulers

It’s like Game of thrones - Middle East version

If Saudi Arabia want to win their next game,

They need to beheading the ball less.

A Frenchman, A German and An Englishman are caught smuggling booze in Saudi Arabia!

They are all ordered to be whipped and will receive 30 whips each,
they ask the Frenchman what he would like on his back while he is whipped and he replies " A cushion" . After about 15 whips the cushion comes apart and the Frenchman is left screaming with a red back.
Then they as the German ...

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So apparently women in Saudi Arabia can now drive.

And little known fact so can homosexuals, but you got to be stoned while you do it.

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Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel...

... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

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3 men in Saudi Arabia

3 men go on a visit to Saudi Arabia. On one of their tours, they came across a tent. Out of curiosity, they walked inside, to be greeted by 50 young women, who were all highly attractive. These men decide to stay there for a while... and 'have some fun'. After a while, the owner of the tent enters, ...

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Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

Three men are walking through Saudi Arabia

They however get falsely accused for drinking and are taken to the judge who sentences them all to 50 lashes each.
The men beg and plead for mercy and fight for their innocence.
The judge takes pity and says, "I will let all of you have one wish before receiving the lashes".
The first man a...

Did you see the winner of the Ms Saudi Arabia beauty contest?

Neither did I.

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Why don't they have driving classes and sex Ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia?

Because the camels can't handle it

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In Saudi Arabia, why don't they teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same day

The camel would get too tired

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

Who is the most hated actor in Saudi Arabia?

Shia Labeouf

To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.

An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.

Bob Marley in Saudi Arabia

I Shot The Sharif

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Paddy go to Saudi Arabia. They decide to start drinking and somehow get caught. the go to see the Sultan for their punishment. The Sultan says "You're lucky today. I'm feeling nice today and I will only give you 50 lashes and you can choose to put anything on your ba...

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Saudi Arabia now supports euthanasia

Just proclaim you are homosexual

I'm thinking of visiting Saudi Arabia based on the upcoming week's forecast

It's mostly Sunni

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia.

(I'm not sorry)

Are you a woman who wants longer lashes?

Try showing abit of ankle in saudi arabia

How to name a virus... WHO version:

WHO HQ in 2003:
: There’s a new type of corona virus outbreak in Guangdong province in China.
: Let's call it Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome aka SARS.
: Excellent name. It does not refer to any specific location or people. So no one will be blamed or feared for it.

Also WHO ...

Time zones are weird - Australia is in 2020. America is in 2019..

Des Moines is in 1998, Alabama in 1865, Saudi Arabia 1576.

I hate when people joke about 9/11, my uncle died there

He was the greatest pilot Saudi Arabia had seen in years

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

My girlfriend accidentally discovered a method of getting long lashes instantly.

She showed a little bit of her ankle in Saudi Arabia.

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