UPJOKE
asiaseoulnorth koreachinakorean warpeninsulasouth korearussiavietnambuddhismconfucianismsoviet unionunited statescountrypyongyang

I met a nice guy online. He says he's from South Korea.

I think he might be my Seoulmate

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

Why does no one listen to rap music in Korea?

Because it sounds like krap

Syngman Rhee was a South Korean politician who served as the first president of South Korea from 1948 to 1960.

Apologies if you're sick of Rhee posts.

Why did Kim Jong Un kill all the owls in North Korea?

Because they all kept repeating "Coup, Coup."

What’s the difference between North Korea and the US?

North Koreans can’t tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can’t tell if their leader is dead serious.

North Korea announced to have successfully landed a man on the Sun

During a live interview with Kim Jong-un, a reporter asked, "the Sun is very hot! How did you land a man?" Kim proudly replied, "we launch at night!"

Meanwhile, Trump tweeted while watching the live, "Haha what an idiot! There is no Sun at night!"

What's the difference between North Korea and EA?

North Korea hasn't screwed up as many launches as EA

What do you call three rappers on the border of North and South Korea?

RUN-DMZ

Did you see that gymnast from North Korea in the Olympics?

She didn't win gold but her execution was flawless.

Did you hear about the pole vault champion of North Korea?

He’s now the pole vault champion of South Korea.

I asked my brother in North Korea how things were over there

He said, “I can’t complain”

My friend drew a map of Asia, but left out Korea

I told him it was a Seouless thing to do

The geography of a woman as she ages: (from a friend)

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

North Korea reported a 50% success on turning shit into butter

Spread is on par. Taste still slightly off.

The US ambassador was meeting the North Korea ambassador.

During the meeting, wanting to impress the Korean, the American ambassador started boasting.

"Last week, I was in London. I met the Olympic 1000 metres gold medallist.

The previous week, I was in Brussels. I met the world's leading mathematician.

The week before, I was in Paris....

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."

"A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China."

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy te...

Hammer

This little guy is sitting in a bar, drinking and minding his own business.When all of a sudden a great big guy comes in and bang! knocks him clean off the barstool and onto the floor.The big guy says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy gets up, brushes himself off and leaves the pr...

What’s the difference between North Korea and the North Pole?

One of them is forever ruled by a jolly fat man who directs an entire race of short people to produce packages he can drop from the sky all over the world, and the other is the North Pole.

I asked my North Korean friend, “what’s it like to live in North Korea?”

He responded, “can’t complain.”

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and controlled news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, America.

North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there’s no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

New York, New York!

I'm kind of worried about the news these days. They say North Korea has a missile that can hit New York. I mean, if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

A contest in South Korea awarded a small amount of money for a large item of food...

A one ton wonton won ten won.

When I was young, I brought a pie to the USA, a pie to Russia, and a pie to North Korea.

All because my maths teacher told me to carry pie to 3 dismal places.

Who does the work?

The population of this country is 327 million.


76 million are retired.
That leaves 251 million to do the work.


There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.
Which leaves 203 million to do the work


There are 74 million children yo...

North Korea has declared a 'cultural war' on K-pop coming in from the South. They decided the best way to counter this would be to creat their own genre of music.

They have named it K-Boom.

North Korea is handling Covid surprisingly well

Last week 9/10 doctors said Covid-19 was under control,



This week the stat went up to 9/9!

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors:“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”
<...

What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea?

A supreme liter

What's the difference between North Korea and the USA?

In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.

In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather.

A Polish man moves to Korea and tries to find work

He looks for work everywhere but can’t find any, until after thorough searching he lands an interview at a car dealership. The man is interviewed by the boss, who not only has a poor grasp on English, but he also seems to have a very hard time getting his name right. The man tries to explain his nam...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

A guy in North Korea is walking home after his day at work . . .

. . . and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and says to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

"What did you do that for?" he asks.

"Curfew violation," t...

A north Keoran soldier defected to the south….

When he was being debriefed he was asked why he decided to defect.

The soldier simply said that he fancied a change of Korea

What does the F in North Korea stand for?

Food

North Korea bans sarcasm

What a great idea.

Is there freedom of speech in North Korea?

Yes.

But depending on the speech, there may not be much freedom after the speech.

M‌‌y Korea‌‌n frien‌‌d die‌‌d yesterday

S‌‌o Yung...

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...

...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

BREAKING: North Korea announces breakthrough 100% effective COVID-19 treatment

Sources report the new treatment involves injecting a bullet into the forehead of people infected with the virus.

Why is North Korea so heartless?

because they have no seoul

ahahahah.. please laugh

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

[LIGHTLY POLITICAL] North Korea is a horrible nation to its citizens, why can't it be more like South Korea?

Because North Korea has no Seoul.

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

Seoul, Korea is a very beautiful place.

There’s a Park everywhere I look!

BREAKING: Cure for corona has been discovered in North Korea

New treatment involves shooting patients in the face, and has recorded a 100% success rate in getting rid of the virus.

How does North Korea have 0 coronacases?

They have always been on lockdown.

Visited North Korea over the summer, but had to leave one of my bags there.

On the bright side, that raised their GDP by 0.5%

Why was google translate banned in North-Korea?

The speech option was free

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

A prisoner in North Korea goes to the prison library to borrow a book of an author activist

The librarian says, "We don't have his book, but we have him."

North Korea has made a plan to combat COVID-19

It is executed perfectly

North Korea providing updated coronavirus case numbers every 30 minutes today -

8:00AM - 1 case
8:30AM - 0 cases
9:00AM - 1 case
9:30AM - 0 cases
10:00AM - 1 case
10:30AM - 0 cases

90% of dogs in Korea are inbred...

I'm assuming that means like in a sandwich or something.

I ask my friend in North Korea how he likes it there

His exact words were... "I can't complain"

Must not be all that bad there.

Did you hear about my friend from Australia studying abroad in Korea?

I guess you could say he’s my Seoul mate.

There are two possibilities in North Korea

Either Kim Jong ill or Kim Jong urn

It turns out North Korea has been naughty on purpose.

They’re hoping Santa will bring them all lumps of coal for Christmas.

Did you know North Korea's military marches to the left?

They have no rights

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japan, Korea, and China go trick or treating.

Japan and Korea receive candy while China gets opium.



Britain was at the door.

Credit to u/TheSnipenieer for the inspirational post.

I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like!

[Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.

Greetings to North Korea

How do we get Kim Jong Un back to being normal?

Press Ctrl+Z

On a business trip to S.Korea

I ordered a Corona last night, the waiter had a Chinese guy come out of the kitchen and cough on me, I think there was something lost in translation.

Thailand was having troubles trading with China.

China refused to accept Thailand's official currency, (the Baht) but the Thais noticed that China had no problem trading in South Korean Won.

So they made a plan to buy 3.2 trillion Won from Korea and use it as an official currency for international trade exchanges.

Unfortunately, it t...

i am StationEd at North korea to check the status of their leaDer.

everyone HerE is so hostiLe and Pleasant.

North Korea is threatening to send the US a Christmas present.

I don’t think anyone has told them about our return policy.

News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea

Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead

I just read North Korea sentenced Trump to death by hanging for calling Kim Jong-un 'short and fat'.

Fake Noose?

My mom said I was named after my grandfather—a war hero who died in Korea.

Of course I was named after him, I was born like 80 years after him.

Obama once visited North Korea and he asked Kim Yong Un: "Do you ever have elections?" (NSFW)

Kim replied: "Yes I have elections evely molning!"

I want to visit north Korea one day...

before everything goes south.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fuck you Korea

100% true.
My friend works as a biosecurity agent at Auckland Airport and told me about a time when his Korean colleague, Alex, had to process a Chinese passenger with a thick accent.

Alex: "Is there anything in your bag we should be concerned about?"

Passenger - " Fuck you Korea!"<...

Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea

He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

Official Coronavirus Count over time in North Korea

12.01: 1


12.02: 0


13.16: 1


13.17: 0


16.24: 1


16.25: 0


...


...


...

Kim Jung Un responds to why he doesn't let people leave North Korea.

Kim Jung Un has said "The intent is to provide people with a sense of pride and accomplishment for escaping North Korea"

Why is North Korea evil?

Because it's Seoul-less! ;D

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

Why does North Korea have the highest literacy rate?

Because Kim Jong-un is supreme reader!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I made up a joke about North Korea...

Kim Jong-Un awakes to a beautiful sunrise above his North Korean palace. He calls out to the morning sun. "Good morning, sun!" he shouts.

Incredibly, the sun responds to him. "Good morning, my dear leader!" the sun shouts back.

Later that day, Kim Jong-Un addresses the sun once again...

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