The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, ...

We should start a middle eastern war over Thanksgiving.

That way we can slaughter a Turkey twice.

What do middle eastern people say when they feel hungover?

I falafel.

If western water have swordfish, when what do eastern waters have?

Ka*tuna*

What do middle eastern people smoke?

An Abu Doobie

My middle eastern friend was held at gunpoint.

He told me he was able to get out of the situation,

I asked him, “How?”

He said

“Iran”

As a health conscious cannibal, I only eat Eastern monks.

My doctor recommended a diet high in anti-Occidents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts.

When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking asshole with a mustache!" It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Alexander Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a loyal servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. St...

I always thought I would discover my inner self through Eastern philosophy

Not through a piece of single-ply toilet paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking on a beach when he finds a dull old middle eastern lamp

When he rubs the lamp a genie appears.



Genie: I am so grateful that you have released me from my ten thousand year prison that I will only grant you 3, but only 3 wishes for releasing me, so make them good ones

Man: I wish to be rich beyond my wildest dreams

Poof... an e...

That weird middle eastern guy insisted on giving me a ride home

Iran

Most Middle Easterns REALLY don't like the Flintstones..

..but the Abu Dhabi do!

Why are middle eastern news stations so entertaining?

There’s always something new blowing up.

I told my friend that I went on a trip to Eastern Cape of Africa and this guy hurled a long throwing spear at me.

My friend said "Assagaai!", I said I don't know why you're taking his side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Caucasian man sees a Middle Eastern looking fellow at a buffet

The caucasian man asks "Aren't Muslims supposed to fast during Ramadan?"

"Sir, I'm Sikh", replies the fellow.

"Oh, then get well soon", says the Caucasian man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Eastern Europe Loved the USSR

In 1970 a Soviet trade delegation visits Czechoslovakia. The delegation is met at the airport by the minister for trade, and as the minister and the leader of the delegation drive to the city in the minister’s Zil limousine, the minister points out a large bronze statue of Lenin just outside the air...

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

What do you call a Middle Eastern carpenter?

Ahmed Ashed

Three inmates in Communist Eastern Germany are comparing their stories.

The first one says: "I always showed up to work 5 minutes late, so they booked me for sabotage".

The second explains: "I always showed up 5 minutes early, so they booked me for espionage."

The last one says: "I was always on time, and that's when they realized my watch is from West Ger...

What is it called when you're afraid of middle eastern spider species?

Iraqnophobia

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, “Name?”

“Vladimir Putin”

“Country of Origin?”

“Russia”

“Occupation?”

“No, no. Just visiting.”

My friend just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to vacuum the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

A young man walks into a bar. An Eastern-European man is bartending.

The young man sits down next to another customer and orders at the bar.

“Sir, can I have a Bloody Mary?,” he asks.

“Sure,” says the bartender in a thick accent.

15 seconds later, the bartender sets down the man’s drink. The man notices it’s missing the lemon.

“This guy ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter interviews a middle-eastern man...

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy...

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m writing a masters thesis on the social hierarchies of Ancient Middle Eastern Kingdoms. It’s a pretty serious paper so I want to lend it some levity by adding a joke about eunuchs.

I’m just not sure if I’ve got the balls to do it.

A guy from some middle eastern village moves to Germany.

He gets off the plane and hails a taxi, an old Mercedes Taxi cab pulls up to pick him up and they set off.

Middle eastern guy is really impressed with the car, having never seen a Mercedes before, and he asks about the hood ornament, what is it for?

The taxi driver realizing this guy ...

A Soviet General visits his troops...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale, and to encourage them to continue destroying the Finns on he Eastern front.


From somewhere within the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"


The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldie...

What do you call a middle eastern Elvis Presley impersonator?

Amal Shookup

Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning...

I falafel.

I once saw a guy on a bridge, about to jump...

I said, "Don't do it!"

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes."

I asked, "Which religion?"

He said, "I'm a Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100

Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100. Everyone is happy and they all praise John for being a great guy. Next year he dos the same, all villagers happy again. The thi...

A German, a Hungarian and an Italian are captured by the Soviets on the Eastern Front...

The three men were held together in a tiny prison cell to await their fate. On the first day the guard came in and called to the German, "Come with me German, let's see what you know."

An hour later the German came back all bruised up. "They tortured me into telling them what I knew about the...

Three women - two from Eastern Europe, and one from America - walk into a bar.

The three of them all sit at the bar.

Suddenly, one of the women, originally from Czechoslovakia, starts ranting about her ex.

"I'm just so fed up!" she cries. "Twenty years ago, my husband left me, and I still can't get over how he used me just for my looks!"

The American wo...

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market

It was bazaar

Why do you never want to call a middle eastern man with a turban a Muslim?

Because they are Sikh and tired of it!

What’s the difference between a Middle Eastern preschool and an ISIS training camp?

I have no idea, I just fly the drone

I had some bad middle eastern food yesterday

I just felafel afterwards.

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.

The survey went like this:

"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"

The survey of course, turned out to be a total and a...

What's Justin Timberlakes favorite part of Eastern Europe?

The Crimea River.

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables

The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. 

"Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied...

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom?

"European."

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders...

It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.

What do you call an Eastern European couple after they get a divorce ?

Separate Czechs.

What do you call a female middle eastern stripper?

Sheikha Bouti

What do you call a male middle eastern stripper?

Sheikh Madiq

Have you ever taken a class on Middle Eastern history?

Israeli hard.

I've got a good middle eastern joke

Isreali funny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A company sends a salesman to a middle-eastern country to boost soda sales.

He attempts a visual advertisement campaign.

All around the country, he places billboards with tree pictures, one next to the other: the picture on the left shows a poor man lost in the desert and very thirsty; the middle picture shows the same man drinking the company's drink; the picture o...

Why did the eastern European man crash on his way to work?

He was Russian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Middle eastern woman moves to America...

...and visits a grocery store for the first time. Amazed by the selection and variety, she wanders the store before stopping in produce.
As she stocks her cart up with fresh fruits and vegetables, she stops dead walking by a bin of potatoes. Picking up one in her hand, she shakes her head and say...

What's a Middle-Eastern Ghost-Buster's favorite drink?

A Djinn & Tonic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Middle Eastern men move to the United States.

After receiving dirty looks, and rude comments day after day, they soon figure out that they needed to "Americanize" themselves in order to fit in. Both men part ways on their journey to become Americans. The men do not see each other for five years, until one day they happen to bump into each other...

Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'...

...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated middle eastern man is walking along the beach... (NSFW)

When suddenly he stubs his toe on something in the sand. He reaches down under the sand and discovers a golden lamp. He picks it up and excitedly brushes it off when suddenly a enormous genie appears.

"I am the Genie of the Lamp and I shall grant you one wish, if it is within my power."
...

I traded my blowup doll in for a middle eastern version..

It blows itself up..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two middle eastern brothers move to the US...

they each make a bet over which will be more Americanized in a years time. At the end of the year the first brother says to the other "Today I'm going to see my son play in a baseball game and after we're going to McDonalds for dinner". The second looks at him and says "Fuck off towel head".

What's it called when you beat your eastern European friend at strategy board games.

Czech Mate

Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies.

Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts.

Whats the difference between Indians and Middle Eastern people?

Indians are responsible for 7/11 not 9/11

The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost.

The year is 13,000 BC. The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost.

"You alright?" They ask him, waiting eagerly at the shore with a distant view of the new lands that awaited them.

"Yeah, I th...

I ate too much Middle-eastern food

Now I falafel.

I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant.

It's called The Valhallah Snakbar.

Why was the middle eastern woman unemployed?

Cuz she quit hijab.

I recently switched to an all Middle Eastern diet and can't say I recommend it

I falafel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys are camping in the outback

They have been drinking quite heavily and one goes to take a piss in the bush.

A few minutes later he hears a scream and his mate comes back holding his penis.

“Fuck mate, i went to take a piss and pissed right down the hole of an eastern brown snake, he flew out and bit me right on ...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who is attracted to Middle Easterns?

A Hummusexual.

Congrats to the National Gallery on receiving a substantial donation of French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork.

Which is to say ... they're getting Monet for nothing and the Czechs for free.

The media reported that two Eastern European countries were to play a part in a trade deal during negotiation.

The press later realized that they had misinterpreted a memo from the negotiating parties regarding their lunch order.

An intern was fired for leaving out many crucial details in the memo, including the side dishes and salads, failing to catch an important spelling error, and simplifying thei...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three American salesmen were caught in a Middle Eastern harem.

One tried to explain "A cab driver told us this was a cat house and snuck us in the back door."

"No excuses!" the Emir shouted. "Any man who enters my harem must pay dearly!"

He then became very thoughtful. "If you were my people, you would be put to death at once. But tensions are hi...

What do you call an Eastern European cashier?

A Checkoutslovakian.

(Better said than read)

Old joke from former Eastern Germany: An archeology team was having trouble determining the age of human remains that they found deep in a cave, so they called in the best forensics teams from the CIA, KGB and the Stasi....

The CIA team goes in first with all their equipment and comes out about 4 hours later.

"As far as we can determine, the remains are about 500,000 years old."

Not to be outdone by the CIA, the KGB goes in and comes out about 8 hours later.

"The remains are approximately 515,550 y...

Middle Eastern suicide hotline

A man living in Iraq calls in the the suicide hotline and he says to the operator " I'm feeling very suicidal and don't feel like living anymore"
The operator replies to him " well sir can you drive a truck".

The genie of the lamp

A hipster goes to an antique market where he spots a cool looking brass lamp. It's only $20, so he buys and takes it home.
He spots a black mark on the side so he gets out the brass polish and rubs it to remove the mark. There's a flash and this giant Middle Eastern dude appeares in his lounge. "...

When I manage a troupe of Eastern European acrobats...

they're going to be called "Czechs and Balances", it's the only logical choice.

Why is eastern europe filled with strippers?

Because they like Poles.

I used to work in an eastern european fraud office.

I had to check czech cheques.

What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

The Czech bounced.

What do you call a table of Middle Eastern hor d'oeuvres?

Allahu Snackbar

What do you call a Zen master from eastern Europe who's been bugging you all day?

A Buddha Pest.

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.

An Estonian stands by a railway track.

Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.

The first one asks: “Is it a long way to Tallinn?”

“Not too long.”

He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.

After two hours of silent pum...

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

What does a British guy say when he beats an Eastern European at chess?

Czechmate

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich middle eastern oil tycoon sends his son to study in Germany...

His son is feeling nervous about being alone abroad. So, his father allows him to take one of the golden plated Ferraris to Germany in order to boost his confidence. It is shipped over and the father hears nothing for the first few weeks from his son. Then, he recieves an email:

"Father,
<...

What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.