UPJOKE
israellebanonholy landsyriagaza stripjerusalemasiajordanmiddle eastkuwaitisraeliserbiayemeniranukraine

Palestine Jokes

I saw my friends Israeli passport recently.

Under occupation it just said Palestine.

The situation with Palestine...

...Israeli getting out of hand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall

They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews...

What do you call a distracted Israeli in Palestine?

Preoccupied

Why do schizophrenic foreigners always get confused with the Israel-Palestine conflict?

Because they never know what is real and what is not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A palestinian calls a sheikh for religious advice..

A palestinian called a sheikh and asked: "If we liberate Palestine and Al Aqsa, then we catch an israelian woman soldier and fuck her, would that be halal?" The sheikh replied "You liberate Palestine and you can fuck my mom too"

What drink is forbidden in Palestine?

Juice.

How do you know if money is the root of all evil?

Isreal and Palestine have been divided by a bank for decades!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Israeli tourist

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.

"Where are you from?" he asks.

"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"

"I'm from Narnia."

"Bullshit, that p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

President Trump has declared Palestine "not a Shithole Nation".

"It's a Shithole Territory"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The genie said, "I can only grant you one wish. So ... what will it be?"

The young woman pulled out a map of the middle east from her back pack. "See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc. Well I want them all to live in peace" she said. The Genie studied the map. "WTF lady, they've been fighting each other for hundreds of years, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zack late to his work

Zach's boss was super pissed as Zack was an hour late to the work because of the daylight savings time.

After the boss left, Zack kick a lamp to vent out his frustration.

Suddenly a genie appeared and said - you have made me free. I will grant you a wish.

Zack - Can you bring pe...

two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics

two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics.

"i dunno Harry , im not sure i can support a president that does not support Israel , they have always been one of our strongest allies "

"Sure , Bob , But what about the Palestine people ?"

at this , a squirrel jumps up on the ba...

A Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic, and a white trash biker...

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farm...

Seems you can get anything for free these days.

The other day I saw a sign that said"Free Palestine!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man rubs a lamp. POOF: Genie. “You get one wish.”

Jewish man pulls out a map from his back pocket and points at Israel and Palestine. “See these two countries? I wish for peace here.”
Genie: “Can’t be done. You have another wish?”
Jewish man: “Sure. Before I die, I want my wife to give me one last blowjob.”
Genie: “Can I see th...

When is the Jewish Thanksgiving?

When Palestine gets taken over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish joke.

Rabbi Altmann and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Berlin in 1935. "Herr Altmann," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Der Stürmer! I can't understand why. A Nazi libel sheet! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?"

"On the contrary, Frau Eps...

Bubba Joe is a down to earth farm boy from East Texas and falls in love with a girl

After some time, they decide to get married, but before that can happen his fiance tells him that he must become christian. Now Bubba Joe was never really religious but he really loves this girl and heads off to the local catholic church and asks the priest if he can become a parishioner. The priest...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

UN embassy, Ambassador of Israel speaks:

- I want to start my speech with an excursion into history. Long ago, Moses led the Jews through the desert. It was hot, People were thirsty. Then Moses hit the staff on the ground, and a lake appeared.

 The jews drinked, and than Moses took off his clothes and went swimming. When he came out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews walk into a bar

One turns to the other and says,
"I hear there's a 'free Palestine,'
should we take one?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.