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Syria Jokes

Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?

Because there's a Target at every corner.

Syria has a lot of nice reviews

Everyone says they got blown away.

Been thinking of buying property in Syria...

heard the housing markets been booming.

What's the national bird of Syria

A US drone

Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria?

Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite.

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria?

A map.

I recently did a survey on Syria.

The results blew me away.

Did you know there are no Walmarts in Syria?

...only Targets

All joking assad

Thing are getting pretty syrias

So Turkey wants to invade Syria from the rear,

Do you think Greece will help?

A soldier ran up to a nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed...
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier ...

I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria

That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.

Egyptian mythology has become popular in Syria

Isis has been blowing up over there

Why did the Turkish army stay out of Syria?

There were curds in their whey.

Trump launch a military campaign against Syria

Operation Desert Stormy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you syria?

She: Umm No, why?

Me: Because you got a lot of fucking problems but i wanna get involved any way.

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

The leaders of Russia, Syria, and America are arguing about who is the best at catching criminals.

The secretary-general of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and tells them they must catch it.

The American team goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive inve...

Hiw did I escape Syria?

Iran.

US: Iraq, I heard you have weapon of mass destruction!

iraq: No we don't?

\*US invades Iraq*

US: Syria, I heard you have weapon of mass destruction!

Syria: No we don't!

\*US invades Syria*

US: North Korea, I heard you have weapon of mass destruction!

North Korea: Yeah? What's up with that?

US: No.. nothin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

When my dad turned 40 he left me and my mom and went to Syria to become a terrorist.

I guess he's just going through his midlife ISIS.

What's alike about Trump's kids and Syria?

He had awful timing pulling out

Apparently Germany isn't taking part in attacking Syria.

A world war without germany feels a bit empty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

What's the difference between Syria, and Detroit?

How you get stoned.

If you ever want a fun vacation, you should consider going to Disneyland Syria

I hear their rides are the bomb

What do you call someone from Northern Syria who took refuge in Wisconsin?

A cheese Kurd.

What did Russia say after Trump bombed Syria?

"This is Syria's business."

Why don't they have bars in Syria?

Because, they prefer to get bombed at home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wrote "Syria" on the front of my mathematics final...

Because I bombed the living fuck outta that.

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

So, there are two men.

They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former refugee from syria.

Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!

And wh...

How is making cheese like invading Syria?

You get some Kurds in the way.

What did the surfer say when he visited Syria?

This place is totally radical!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for rescued farm animals, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for animals when children in Syria are dying of hunger?

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for children in Syria, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for children in Syria, when children in our country are dying of hunger?
...

I was told, if I voted for Hillary, they predicted Obamacare would continue and we'd go to war with Syria...

I did, and the predictions came true!

What's the difference between Syria and a nuclear weapons test site?

A test site will be evacuated.

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

The great horrors of war..

A nun is walking through the church courtyard when a soldier comes running up to her.

The soldier says, "Sister, quickly! May I please hide under your skirt? My lieutenant is looking for me and I know he is going to send me to Syria!"

The nun replies, "Why of course, it's an emergency!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

Nicaragua just signed the Paris Climate Agreement, leaving the US and Syria as the only nations not in the agreement.

It's interesting. One of these countries is a corrupt, remote wasteland headed straight into chaos, pitting religious fundamentalists headed by a crooked tyrant against the majority of the people, and the other one is Syria.

Have you heard about the situation in the Middle East

It’s pretty Syrias

I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country

Then there wouldn’t be any teachers left to give raises to.

What do you call a cousin who goes Syria on a holiday?

**Dumb-ass-cuz**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine was on holiday in Damascus, he fell in an open sewer and got stuck

He was in Syria's shit.

Wife-Husband Peaceful Relationship

They asked him why your relationship with your wife is always peaceful and no fight ever?! He replied that is because we agreed since the beginning that she takes decisions in small issues leaving me the big ones. For example, she takes decisions in: What house or car to buy; what school we choose f...

"You da bomb." "No, you da bomb"

America: compliments


Syria: arguments

Homecoming

There is terrible accident in ISS, leaving only one American astronaut alive. All the communications are dead, but he has lots of food, water and oxygen to survive. Finally after two years he is able manufacture escape pod and lands in rural Texas.


He makes his way to closest town and ent...

President Donald Trump walks back three previous statements.

On Russian hacking:

"I said that I could care less and I meant to say that I couldn't care less."


On Sec of State Hillary Clinton:

"Instead of, 'dowsing Hillary with flammable liquid', I meant to say, 'inflammable liquid'."


And on pulling out of Syria:

"I n...

Syrian tanks

So, my dad tells me that Syria is getting military tanks from Turkey. I asked if that was bad and he said no, everyone loves a tanks giving Turkey.

What did turkey do on thanksgiving?

Changed its foreign policy on syria.

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?" ...

Obama dies and then visits in an NY bar

So Obama dies and goes to Haeven. And after a while he becomes curious and is allowed to spend an hour in NY.
He goes to a bar and while ordering a whisky asks the bartender how things go.
Like "what is going on with Iraq and Syria?"
- Oh, all is fine: they are ours. And even half of Ch...

Unlike other countries, Syria, despite all their problems, did manage to get their people to be aware of public hygiene and satefy during coronavirus.

Maybe because they already knew what Damascus.

One day 3 immigrants

One day 3 immigrants were sitting in a bar: A Syrian, an Afghan and a Turkish

The Syrian finishes his beer, throws the glass in the air and shoots it with his gun. As pieces of glass are raining on them he says "In Syria glasses were so cheap that we never drank from the same glass twice"
...

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

What does the Obama administration think about foreign relations?

Why so Syrias?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The genie said, "I can only grant you one wish. So ... what will it be?"

The young woman pulled out a map of the middle east from her back pack. "See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc. Well I want them all to live in peace" she said. The Genie studied the map. "WTF lady, they've been fighting each other for hundreds of years, th...

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

Q: Why are the citizens of Damascus so solemn when talking about oil?

A: Because it's Syria's business.

(cross-post from /r/funny by request)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some translated Italian jokes on the European immigrant crisis

Venezuela offers refuge to 20k immigrants. *Now I want to see how you even get here.*

France suggests bombing Syria. To drive out the last refugees.

Clashes on the border between Hungary and Serbia. If I were an Austrian archduke, I would stay home.

Merkel: "Refugees will change...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alerts to Threats in Europe

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 194...

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

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