Why are there no Walmarts in Syria?

Because there's a Target at every corner.

What's the national bird of Syria?

American drone.

All joking assad

Thing are getting pretty syrias

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

The military has announced they are going to bomb Syria off the map.

They are naming the bombs "Son of Sam" and "Jack the Ripper."

They're Syria killers.

So Turkey wants to invade Syria from the rear,

Do you think Greece will help?

Apparently Germany isn't taking part in attacking Syria.

A world war without germany feels a bit empty.

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

A soldier ran up to a nun.

Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."

The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out fro...

What's alike about Trump's kids and Syria?

He had awful timing pulling out

Why did the Turkish army stay out of Syria?

There were curds in their whey.

What is the stupidest city in Syria?

Dumbasscus

If you ever want a fun vacation, you should consider going to Disneyland Syria

I hear their rides are the bomb

Armenia sent a secret message over diplomatic cables to Syria:

"If we attacked Turkey from the rear... ...do you think Greece would help?"

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace....

I think the $250 million we spent on bombs for Syria would have been better going to schools in our own country

Then there wouldn’t be any teachers left to give raises to.

Trump launch a military campaign against Syria

Operation Desert Stormy

What do Syria and I have in common?

We’ve both been destabilized by the US.

The Peanuts Gang are sitting in class

Their teacher announces that they will each write a report on a Middle Eastern country as part of their geography homework. The teacher passes around a hat from which they draw a random country to write about.

Linus goes first. "Wow, I got Saudi Arabia!"

Next is Lucy. "Hey, I got Syria...

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

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Daaaaannnng Girl, are you Syria?

Girl: Um, no. Why?

Me: Because you gotta lot of fucking problems, but i wanna get involved anyways.

So I recently opened a suicide bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great!

Prophets are going through the roof.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Syrian kid in France.

A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him.
"No! From now on you are French and your n...

Been thinking of buying property in Syria...

heard the housing markets been booming.

I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria

That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.

What did Russia say after Trump bombed Syria?

"This is Syria's business."

What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Syria?

A map.

I was told, if I voted for Hillary, they predicted Obamacare would continue and we'd go to war with Syria...

I did, and the predictions came true!

What's the difference between Syria, and Detroit?

How you get stoned.

Good news in Syria today

Just kidding

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wrote "Syria" on the front of my mathematics final...

Because I bombed the living fuck outta that.

Syria has a lot of nice reviews

Everyone says they got blown away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers were deployed to Syria...

After a hard day of work, one of the soldiers went back to base to relax and watch anime, since he was a weeb.
The other soldier, intrigued by the strange Japanese cartoons, watched with him.

"Anime is so stupid, why would you tell out your next attack? It gives time for an enemy to dodge ...

I recently did a survey on Syria.

The results blew me away.

Why don't they have bars in Syria?

Because, they prefer to get bombed at home.

What did the surfer say when he visited Syria?

This place is totally radical!

Homecoming

There is terrible accident in ISS, leaving only one American astronaut alive. All the communications are dead, but he has lots of food, water and oxygen to survive. Finally after two years he is able manufacture escape pod and lands in rural Texas.


He makes his way to closest town and ent...

Do you know about the unpredictable weather in Syria?

Sometimes it's Sunni, other times it's Shiite.

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

How is making cheese like invading Syria?

You get some Kurds in the way.

Went to Syria last month..

Had a blast.

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?" ...

President Donald Trump walks back three previous statements.

On Russian hacking:

"I said that I could care less and I meant to say that I couldn't care less."


On Sec of State Hillary Clinton:

"Instead of, 'dowsing Hillary with flammable liquid', I meant to say, 'inflammable liquid'."


And on pulling out of Syria:

"I n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

Have you heard about the situation in the Middle East

It’s pretty Syrias

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alerts to Threats in Europe

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 194...

Obama dies and then visits in an NY bar

So Obama dies and goes to Haeven. And after a while he becomes curious and is allowed to spend an hour in NY.
He goes to a bar and while ordering a whisky asks the bartender how things go.
Like "what is going on with Iraq and Syria?"
- Oh, all is fine: they are ours. And even half of Ch...

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

"You da bomb." "No, you da bomb"

America: compliments


Syria: arguments

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

What did turkey do on thanksgiving?

Changed its foreign policy on syria.

So, there are two men.

They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former refugee from syria.

Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!

And wh...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

Oldie but goodie

A young woman was walking along a deserted beach admiring the sunset when she noticed a lamp partially buried in the sand. She picked up the lamp and brushed the sand off. To her suprise a Genie appeared in front of her. The Genie said "You've got one wish, make it snappy" The young woman said "I th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden...

The leader of china calls Obama and says: "Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"
To which Obama said: "Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some translated Italian jokes on the European immigrant crisis

Venezuela offers refuge to 20k immigrants. *Now I want to see how you even get here.*

France suggests bombing Syria. To drive out the last refugees.

Clashes on the border between Hungary and Serbia. If I were an Austrian archduke, I would stay home.

Merkel: "Refugees will change...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three leaders of nations are on a plane...

Barack Obama, Shinzo Abe (PM of Japan), and Bashar Al-Assad (Syrian president) are cruising in Air Force One. As they're flying over the US, Barack turns to the other two and says "This is how much I love my people" and throws a quarter out of the plane.
When they're over Japan, Shinzo says "Wel...

What does the Obama administration think about foreign relations?

Why so Syrias?

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

Q: Why are the citizens of Damascus so solemn when talking about oil?

A: Because it's Syria's business.

(cross-post from /r/funny by request)

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