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Autumn Jokes

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am und...

Why is Pride month in the summer, rather than during the autumn season?

Because the Pride comes before the fall.

My dad owns 4 tents which he uses for camping

He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.

In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….

But now is the winter of our disco tent.

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was autumn, and the natives on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter.

Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised the tribe to collect wood and be prepared for a cold winter.

A few days later, as a practical aftertho...

Autumn is best enjoyed in all her glory.

Unfortunately, the police officers who arrested me outside her window didn't agree.

There were 4 henchmen: Winter, Summer, Spring, and Autumn.

The boss stood before them.

"Winter," he began. "I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins," he said, patting his shoulder.

"Then there's you, Summer," he continued. "If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops r...

Mary Poppins Decided To Grow Some Vegetables

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.

She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.

After ...

I'm in a gaming clan and our favorite season is Autumn

We're the Fall Guys

Why do leaves change color in Autumn?

Because instead of chlorophyll, they chloro-empty.

I usually say 'Autumn' instead of 'Fall'.

Sometimes it can be my downautumn.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall

it took me a moment to realize they meant “autumn” and not the fall of civilization.

My friend must think I'm gullible. He said today was the autumnal equinox.

But I'm not going to fall for it.

Never date a girl named Autumn

because she'll leave you.

What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!

British: We call it autumn which comes from the french word "autumpne" and later, the latin "autumnus"

American: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL

There’s 5 seasons that exists

Winter, Summer, Autumn, Spring, and Tax Season

How do you make leaves fall off of trees?

You don’t - they do it autumn-atically

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

It was a crisp autumn morning in 2015, I was in a job interview.

When the interviewer asked me where I'd be in 5 years, I said I'd be sad, lonely, locking myself at home and playing Animal Crossing.



I guess you can say I have 20-20 vision.

Joke my dad liked

Poppa bird, Momma bird, and Baby bird were sitting on a wire one Autumn morning when Poppa bird says, “My instincts tell me it’s time to fly south.”

Momma bird chirps in, “My instincts are also telling me it’s time to fly south.”

Baby bird looks at them confused and says, “Well my end ...

NEWS FLASH.... Autumn is almost here, and Donald Trump has stated that "It will be getting cooler".

I don't know about you, but I think he's really going out on a limb, predicting stuff like that.

What does the tree says in autumn ?

Leaf me alone.

What do Trees do in Autumn?

Take a Leaf of absence.

Did you know that when leaves fall off of trees in the Autumn, it's because of nostalgia?

They're trying to get back to their roots.

What did my wondering eyes behold.

After a brutal late Autumn wind storm I noticed that my young Elm tree had finally lost all of its leaves in preparation for the cold snowy winter ahead. I smiled to my self realizing how nature helps all creatures prepare for the coming seasonal changes. But then my gaze was drawn to a red shotgu...

Art

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves.

The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."

A very cold winter indeed!

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts - what if they don't ...

An arrogant zebra insists there are no lions in the area.

A herd of zebras are grazing peacefully. They begin to suspect that lions are waiting to ambush them in a nearby meadow. One of the zebras however thinks he knows everything and confidently declares that there can’t be lions because lions don’t move into that area until the autumn and haven’t arrive...

Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze

Because you make me wanna jacket

Whenever Autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colourful leaves.

It sounds better than saying I'm a street sweeper.

My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…

She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."

Adding Flavor

Did you know, you can make any dish an autumn dish by adding one simple step? Try dropping it on the floor. It really gives it that fall flavor.

National Pride Day should be September 21

September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.

What is a scarecrows vehicle of choice?

An Autumn mobile

Why do the leaves turn red at the same time each year?

Because the process is autumnated.

Just tell me mate

Ight guys I wanna make this guy mine and he loves jokes so tell me your best joke .

Well since this is a joke community I will tell a joke so the post won’t get deleted .

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

I finally got a bunch of naked ladies in my home!

It turns out the autumn crocus blooms early in my region.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does an elephant get in a tree?

A: By sitting on a sapling and waiting for the tree to grow underneath it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?

A: It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Q: Why did the elephant fall from the tree?

A: It thought it was a leaf.

Q: Why did another elephant...

How does an elephant get down from a tree?

It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Pragmatism wins!

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work.

They finally went with mine. “I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said. “No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll...

Why was the robot couple’s anniversary in the Fall?

They were autumn mated.

Two Hunters and a Goat

Two hunters are walking along in the deep of autumn, stalking a buck, when they come across a clean-cut, 10-ft diameter hole, that goes too deep to see the bottom.

“A sinkhole?” one hunter asks, “How deep does this go?” The other shrugs.

The first hunter looks around and finds a stick,...

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

What do you drive in the fall?

An Autumn-mobile.

I came up with this when I was six :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her 1st grade class to make a sentence with the word "definitely" in it...

Little Suzy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue!"
"No," the teacher replies. "It depends on the weather, the sky can be gray and at night its black."
Another student stands up and says "trees are definitely green!"
The teacher replies "no, during autumn the leaves change color."...

Two guys are out hunting in the middle of now where...

After climbing a particularly steep hill to get a vantage point, one man collapses. He then starts frothing from the mouth and convulsing.

Managing to get one bar of service on his mobile phone, the other man dials emergency services.

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Man: I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Expat moving to Canada.

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.

October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I dr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man obsessed with trains gets a job driving one in a faraway country...

Some day, for absolutely no reason, he goes a little crazy and starts speeding up more than he should. In a winding curve, he loses control and the train goes off track killing hundreds of people. He goes to court and is sentenced to the capital punishment for the murder. On the death row, the execu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher asks her class to use the word "definitely" in a sentence...

"The sky is definitely blue" says a little girl. With a furrowed brow the teacher says "That's good but sometimes the sky is grey or orange".

"Leaves are definitely green !" shouts an excited little boy, but again the teacher corrects him. "The leaves change color in autumn, from green to y...

A Canadian woman living near the border

A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:

"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian govern...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Plato is lecturing his students on the nature of change and how nothing is ever constant.

To drive his point home, he asks his students to give him an example of something definite.
"Master," says the first, "the leaves on the trees are definitely green."
"Not true," answers Plato, "for they can appear brown, yellow, or orange in the autumn months."
"Master," says the second, "t...

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Buggy Ride.

An Amish Mother and Daughter are riding in the buggy home from the market one crisp Autumn day when the Daughter says her hands are cold as she has forgotten her mittens, the Mother being wise tells her to place them between her thighs and it will warm them up.The next day a male suitor comes callin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shut Up

A young bluebird was flying from tree to tree in the brisk autumn air when he heard his parents call. Upon arriving back to the nest they tell the young avian to prepare for the trip south.

The little bluebird stubbornly inquires why, to which papa bluebird replies with details of heavy and c...

Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)

The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without...

The Dunne Family

Some years ago, in the hills above Killarney, there lived Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of 6 boys.


It was a happy but isolated existence, so it came as a bit of a shock when eldest son Niel announced that he was off to seek his fortune amongst the bright lights of London. His...

A pretty girl knocks on the door and asks if he needs yard work

Johnny looks at her and is skeptical at first. He never saw a female gardener before, much less someone so attractive. He decides to give her a chance, and asks her to mow his lawn.

To his astonishment, she not only does an excellent job, but mows in an elaborate pattern that turns the lawn ...

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