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Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

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A good (and very old) joke to explain why people are stocking up on necessities

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. ...

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A man obsessed with trains gets a job driving one in a faraway country...

Some day, for absolutely no reason, he goes a little crazy and starts speeding up more than he should. In a winding curve, he loses control and the train goes off track killing hundreds of people. He goes to court and is sentenced to the capital punishment for the murder. On the death row, the execu...

NEWS FLASH.... Autumn is almost here, and Donald Trump has stated that "It will be getting cooler".

I don't know about you, but I think he's really going out on a limb, predicting stuff like that.

I'm in a gaming clan and our favorite season is Autumn

We're the Fall Guys

Autumn is best enjoyed in all her glory.

Unfortunately, the police officers who arrested me outside her window didn't agree.

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am und...

My friend must think I'm gullible. He said today was the autumnal equinox.

But I'm not going to fall for it.

An arrogant zebra insists there are no lions in the area.

A herd of zebras are grazing peacefully. They begin to suspect that lions are waiting to ambush them in a nearby meadow. One of the zebras however thinks he knows everything and confidently declares that there can’t be lions because lions don’t move into that area until the autumn and haven’t arrive...

How do you make leaves fall off of trees?

You don’t - they do it autumn-atically

There were 4 henchmen: Winter, Summer, Spring, and Autumn.

The boss stood before them.

"Winter," he began. "I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins," he said, patting his shoulder.

"Then there's you, Summer," he continued. "If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops r...

It was a crisp autumn morning in 2015, I was in a job interview.

When the interviewer asked me where I'd be in 5 years, I said I'd be sad, lonely, locking myself at home and playing Animal Crossing.



I guess you can say I have 20-20 vision.

Why do leaves change color in Autumn?

Because instead of chlorophyll, they chloro-empty.

I usually say 'Autumn' instead of 'Fall'.

Sometimes it can be my downautumn.

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall

it took me a moment to realize they meant “autumn” and not the fall of civilization.

Mary Poppins Decided To Grow Some Vegetables

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.

She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.

After ...

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…

She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."

British: We call it autumn which comes from the french word "autumpne" and later, the latin "autumnus"

American: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL

Did you know that when leaves fall off of trees in the Autumn, it's because of nostalgia?

They're trying to get back to their roots.

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[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

Never date a girl named Autumn

because she'll leave you.

Just tell me mate

Ight guys I wanna make this guy mine and he loves jokes so tell me your best joke .

Well since this is a joke community I will tell a joke so the post won’t get deleted .

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Adding Flavor

Did you know, you can make any dish an autumn dish by adding one simple step? Try dropping it on the floor. It really gives it that fall flavor.

A native american man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies. When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, they people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold w...

Whenever Autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colourful leaves.

It sounds better than saying I'm a street sweeper.

What does the tree says in autumn ?

Leaf me alone.

What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!

the puppy test

Before you get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wee...

Pragmatism wins!

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work.

They finally went with mine. “I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said. “No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll...

Hey girl are you a cool autumn breeze

Because you make me wanna jacket

What do Trees do in Autumn?

Take a Leaf of absence.

I finally got a bunch of naked ladies in my home!

It turns out the autumn crocus blooms early in my region.

Two guys are out hunting in the middle of now where...

After climbing a particularly steep hill to get a vantage point, one man collapses. He then starts frothing from the mouth and convulsing.

Managing to get one bar of service on his mobile phone, the other man dials emergency services.

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Man: I...

National Pride Day should be September 21

September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.

Why do the leaves turn red at the same time each year?

Because the process is autumnated.

What is a scarecrows vehicle of choice?

An Autumn mobile

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Art Gallery Nudes

A couple at an art gallery see a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves.

The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.



She asks, "What are you waiting for?"



He replies, "Autumn."

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A teacher asks her 1st grade class to make a sentence with the word "definitely" in it...

Little Suzy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue!"
"No," the teacher replies. "It depends on the weather, the sky can be gray and at night its black."
Another student stands up and says "trees are definitely green!"
The teacher replies "no, during autumn the leaves change color."...

Why was the robot couple’s anniversary in the Fall?

They were autumn mated.

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How does an elephant get in a tree?

A: By sitting on a sapling and waiting for the tree to grow underneath it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?

A: It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Q: Why did the elephant fall from the tree?

A: It thought it was a leaf.

Q: Why did another elephant...

A pretty girl knocks on the door and asks if he needs yard work

Johnny looks at her and is skeptical at first. He never saw a female gardener before, much less someone so attractive. He decides to give her a chance, and asks her to mow his lawn.

To his astonishment, she not only does an excellent job, but mows in an elaborate pattern that turns the lawn ...

How does an elephant get down from a tree?

It sits on a leaf and waits until autumn

What do you drive in the fall?

An Autumn-mobile.

I came up with this when I was six :)

The Dunne Family

Some years ago, in the hills above Killarney, there lived Seamus and Isobel Dunne and their family of 6 boys.


It was a happy but isolated existence, so it came as a bit of a shock when eldest son Niel announced that he was off to seek his fortune amongst the bright lights of London. His...

A Canadian woman living near the border

A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:

"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian govern...

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NSFW Buggy Ride.

An Amish Mother and Daughter are riding in the buggy home from the market one crisp Autumn day when the Daughter says her hands are cold as she has forgotten her mittens, the Mother being wise tells her to place them between her thighs and it will warm them up.The next day a male suitor comes callin...

Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)

The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without...

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Plato is lecturing his students on the nature of change and how nothing is ever constant.

To drive his point home, he asks his students to give him an example of something definite.
"Master," says the first, "the leaves on the trees are definitely green."
"Not true," answers Plato, "for they can appear brown, yellow, or orange in the autumn months."
"Master," says the second, "t...

What's wrong with Soviet agriculture?

Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter

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