A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can't believe it's not better.

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.

He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

I opened a tub of soft margarine and it looked just like the face of Jesus!

I showed my Indian friend and he said "I can't believe it's not Buddha".

A Pakistani man found the image of prophet Muhammad in his tub of margarine.

He showed it to his Chinese neighbour who said

"I cannot believe it's not Buddha"

A lot of people consider me to be the margarine of comedy.

I tell a joke and they can’t believe it’s not better.

My friend doesn't know why his mom blushes when I call her "Margarine"

I call her that because she spreads easy.

I've been putting margarine on my cut for a week now but there's been no improvement at all.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better

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Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

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I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however,

it churned out to be butter.

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I named my Pokemon Margarine...

...because it's butterfree.

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Metapod really loves eating Margarine on his pokefood.

Since its butterfree.

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Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?

It's said to have a very low margarine of error.

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Good bakers use real butter..

So that there is no margarine for error.

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I read that 18th century scrambled eggs called for a quarter pound of butter

That recipe sure had a pretty large margarine of error.

What do statisticians who make mistakes put on their bread?

Margarine of error.

Jesus Crust

A priest and a Zen master are making toast.

The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"

The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

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I'm trying to cut butter out of my diet...

...by a large margarine.

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I found a butter replacement today...

It's margarinely better.

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The French eat more butter than any country per capita

They're ahead of the next closest by a large margarine

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How does a butter company measure its revenues?

net margarines

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Kellyanne Conway walks into the Red Hen for dinner

She's about to butter her bread when she summons over the waiter. She asks, "Do you have any margarine?" The waiter replies, "Sorry, we don't serve alternative fats"

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana...

and butterflies like margarine.

"What do you know about vegan cookies?"

Just that they're only margarinely better.

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out ...

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Whenever I weigh out my butter substitute

I try to get within the Margarine of error

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But my baby boy

My wife and I recently had a baby. We named him Butter. We take our little baby boy back home and realize it's actually a girl named Margarine. We were both shocked... I can't believe it's not Butter.

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