UPJOKE
spreadvegetable oilmilkyogurtoleomargehydrogenationoleomargarinemargarincanolatrans fatoilparevelardcornstarch

Margarine Jokes

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.

He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the bread break up with the margarine?

Because it had found someone butter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the turkey that dipped his nuts in margarine?

They say he had Butterballs.

A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can't believe it's not better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, man, know why Eddie Vedder put margarine on his toast?

He can't find the butter, man.

The man who invented spreadable margarine got scammed out of every penny he made out of it.

I can't believe he's not bitter.

A lot of people consider me to be the margarine of comedy.

I tell a joke and they can’t believe it’s not better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however,

it churned out to be butter.

I opened a tub of soft margarine and it looked just like the face of Jesus!

I showed my Indian friend and he said "I can't believe it's not Buddha".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think butter substitutes are better than butter

But only margarinely

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my Pokemon Margarine...

...because it's butterfree.

My friend doesn't know why his mom blushes when I call her "Margarine"

I call her that because she spreads easy.

A Pakistani man found the image of prophet Muhammad in his tub of margarine.

He showed it to his Chinese neighbour who said

"I cannot believe it's not Buddha"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between buttered bread and bread with margarine?

One's a buttery trail while the other one's utter betrayal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Metapod really loves eating Margarine on his pokefood.

Since its butterfree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do restaurants try to spend less on butter?

They have to watch their margarines.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, my mom caught me masturbating in the tub.

I thought she'd be mad, but instead she just stopped buying margarine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?

It's said to have a very low margarine of error.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana...

and butterflies like margarine.

I've been putting margarine on my cut for a week now but there's been no improvement at all.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm trying to cut butter out of my diet...

...by a large margarine.

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best bakers use real butter so . . . .

. . .
there is no margarine for error.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

Priest and a Hindu are making breakfast..

The priest is spreading on margarine and exclaims, "Look! It's Jesus in the spread!"
Shocked, the Hindu replies, "Wow, I can't believe it's not Buddha."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a butter company measure its revenues?

net margarines

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The French eat more butter than any country per capita

They're ahead of the next closest by a large margarine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I weigh out my butter substitute

I try to get within the Margarine of error

What do statisticians who make mistakes put on their bread?

Margarine of error.

"What do you know about vegan cookies?"

Just that they're only margarinely better.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.