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Yoghurt Jokes

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Yoghurt

On the bus today, I tapped the woman in front of me on the shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, but there's some semen on your sweater."


She said, "Oh, it's probably just yogurt..."


I replied, "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 4yr old was struggling to open his yoghurt, today.

When he suddenly mumbled, "Fucking shitty lid!". My wife immediately looked at me and said, "I wonder where he's got that from?". I said, "The fucking fridge, you silly cunt."

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A little boy is trying to peel the lid off his tub of yoghurt..

He gets frustrated and yells "fuckin' lid!".

His mother turns to his father and says "where do you think he got that from?"

The father says "the fuckin' fridge you dumb cunt".

What's the difference between a yoghurt and America?

If you leave a yoghurt for 200 years, it will eventually develop a culture.

Plus the yoghurt's fat free.

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Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."


The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

What do you call supersonic yoghurt?

Concurde

They say yoghurts have tastes from around the world.

Because they're well cultured

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What's Mr T's favourite kind of yoghurt

PETITS FILOUS!

Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.

That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's ass is like a peach.

Hairy and makes a horrible yoghurt.

What did the yoghurt say to the cheese?

Ah, I see you’re a man of culture as well.

So I'm walking down the road I feel something hit me on the head.

So I look around I see it's a mango.

Next thing a tub of yoghurt comes out of nowhere and smacks me in the face and splashes yoghurt all over me. Then I get whacked in the neck with a banana and I take a paya-paya to the head and it knocks me out.

So I wake up and the police are the...

[NSFW] A polar bear takes his broken car to be fixed...

He tells the mechanic what the problem is; "There is a LOT of smoke coming from the exhaust." he says, "I'll leave it with you and go grab lunch. I'll see you in an hour or so."

After a few hours Bob 'the polar' Bear returns.

The mechanic gets straight to it, and simply says "well I'm ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sitting in a bus told the woman on the seat in front of him.

A man sitting in a bus told the woman on the seat in front of him.

"Excuse me ma'am, you've got sperm on the back of your shirt."

"How can you know that's sperm? Perhaps it's yoghurt."

"I'm 100% sure it's sperm and not yoghurt."

"How?"

"I don't ejaculate with yoghu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sat on bus the other day...

And I tapped a woman on the shoulder and said 'excuse me I think you have some semen on the back of your jacket'

She said 'oh it's probably yoghurt'

'It's definitely semen,' I said, 'I don't ejaculate yoghurt'

A monocle walks into a bar

After a few drinks the [monocle](http://www.yoghurt-optimal.by/img/avatar-elements/monocle.png) starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have t...

I need Halloween costume ideas

I was planning on going as a yoghurt but then I realised it'd be considered cultural appropriation.

What do you call an injury you get at yoga class?

Yoghurt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man taps the shoulder of the girl in front of him and says "excuse me, I think you have some semen on the back of your coat."...

The girl looks puzzled and says "nah, that must be yoghurt or something"

"nah, it's definitely semen. I don't ejaculate yoghurt."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking down the road...

...when the guy in front of me turned around and started throwing milk, eggs, yoghurt and butter at me.

I thought, "How dairy!".

I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked...

MAID: -What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?

ME: -Tea pls.

MAID: -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?

ME: -Ceylon Tea pls.

MAID: -How do you want it, black or white?...

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A teacher asked for 3 volunteers to each take home $1 and spend it in the most economicall way they could think of.

The three students chosen were Betty, Samuel and Adam.

The next morning the teacher asked them to stand up and tell the class how they spent their $1.

Betty: "I went to the shop and bought a bag of lollies. I took them home and I had some, I gave some to my Brother, some to my Mother,...

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