What's the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon?

One's for eating tea and the other's for eating tables.

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A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

Another Old Rancher Joke

An old rancher had a bull that was not breeding the cows. The old man called the vet, and got him to come by the ranch and check the bull out. Finding no problems, the vet gave the old rancher a bottle, and told him to add a tablespoon a day to the bull’s feed, until he started breeding the cows aga...

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Trying to outcheat the quack

### A quack posted a sign on his place which said "Can treat all kinds of illneses for $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $100"

A guy tried his luck and went inside.


Guy: hey doc, my sense of taste is messed up


Quack: Okay. Let me get the medicine from the second shelf a...

A man and a blonde are chatting in an elevator.

"What are you up to today?" he asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20 a pint."

"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."

The blonde gets a strange look...

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What should you do right after you have sex in a large formal dining room?

Tablespoon

How does a Hungarian cook dinner?

First, he chops an onion finely. Then, he chops some garlic as well, or perhaps use a garlic press. This is then fried in a pan with about a tablespoon of oil for about 30 seconds, after which a few tablespoons of paprika is added. Add some salt, maybe some pepper, and then he decides what dish to m...

An engineer quit his job and decided to open a clinic...

He hung a sign saying," I will cure your illness for $500 otherwise, if I fail to cure it, I will pay you $1500."

A doctor was curious and assumed that he could easily exploit this, so he walked into the clinic and told the engineer,“ I have lost my taste."

Upon hearing this, the engin...

Something for that cough

The pharmacist needed a short break from the register so he left his son in charge: “just put on the coat and act like you know what you are doing. Ring up the sales as listed. What ever you do, DO NOT give anyone advice. I’ll be back soon”

After a few minutes, a man approached the “pharmac...

An old woman in Texas is celebrating her one hundredth birthday.

The local news comes to her birthday party to congratulate her on achieving such an advanced age. They find her in good health and good spirits on her special day. They ask her what her secret to longevity is. She answers immediately and confidently that her method is to eat a tablespoon of gunpowde...

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An old lady goes into a bank...

Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"

She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her re...

Asylum

A reporter is looking for a new story and thought an asylum for the insane would make a nice story. There, his first question is how they know who is sane and who's insane. "Well," the woman working there replied "We give everyone a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a bucket. Then we lead them to the bathr...

The guy with spoons up his nostrils

A man goes into a hotel, orders for a cold drink with a straw to sip it, and sits there with the handle of the tablespoons up both his nostrils. People find it weird, but he does it, every day.

It's about a month, and no one knows why he is doing what he does. Finally, the waiters decide that...

A dairy farmer runs into his neighbor at the feed store...

"How's everything going?" the neighbor asks.

"Not too bad" the farmer replies, "but a couple of of my cows have had terrible flatulence lately; the smell is almost too much to bear."

The neighbor laughs, "I know what you mean. A few years ago one of my horses had the very same problem...

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