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Margarin Jokes

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.

He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

I opened a tub of soft margarine and it looked just like the face of Jesus!

I showed my Indian friend and he said "I can't believe it's not Buddha".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the bread break up with the margarine?

Because it had found someone butter.

A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can't believe it's not better.

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Did you hear about the turkey that dipped his nuts in margarine?

They say he had Butterballs.

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Hey, man, know why Eddie Vedder put margarine on his toast?

He can't find the butter, man.

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I think butter substitutes are better than butter

But only margarinely

The man who invented spreadable margarine got scammed out of every penny he made out of it.

I can't believe he's not bitter.

A Pakistani man found the image of prophet Muhammad in his tub of margarine.

He showed it to his Chinese neighbour who said

"I cannot believe it's not Buddha"

A lot of people consider me to be the margarine of comedy.

I tell a joke and they can’t believe it’s not better.

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I named my Pokemon Margarine...

...because it's butterfree.

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What's the difference between buttered bread and bread with margarine?

One's a buttery trail while the other one's utter betrayal.

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I thought the recipe was for making margarine, however,

it churned out to be butter.

My friend doesn't know why his mom blushes when I call her "Margarine"

I call her that because she spreads easy.

I've been putting margarine on my cut for a week now but there's been no improvement at all.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better

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Metapod really loves eating Margarine on his pokefood.

Since its butterfree.

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Why do restaurants try to spend less on butter?

They have to watch their margarines.

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One day, my mom caught me masturbating in the tub.

I thought she'd be mad, but instead she just stopped buying margarine.

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The best bakers use real butter so . . . .

. . .
there is no margarine for error.

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Have you heard of this new butter dish that can precisely measure servings for you?

It's said to have a very low margarine of error.

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I'm trying to cut butter out of my diet...

...by a large margarine.

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Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

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It's appalling how society treats people who don't like butter.

Margarinalized.

Grocery Economics

A man and his economist friend are having lunch.

the man mentions that he's noticed something strange when he buys groceries each week. "I always buy a tub of margarine, but I've noticed that, even though it's the same price every time, there's less margarine in the tub. I can't figure out ...

What do statisticians who make mistakes put on their bread?

Margarine of error.

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana...

and butterflies like margarine.

Priest and a Hindu are making breakfast..

The priest is spreading on margarine and exclaims, "Look! It's Jesus in the spread!"
Shocked, the Hindu replies, "Wow, I can't believe it's not Buddha."

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Land O Lakes just came out with a new product line

I was hoping for something butter, but there's only a margarinal difference

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How does a butter company measure its revenues?

net margarines

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The French eat more butter than any country per capita

They're ahead of the next closest by a large margarine

"What do you know about vegan cookies?"

Just that they're only margarinely better.

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Whenever I weigh out my butter substitute

I try to get within the Margarine of error

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But my baby boy

My wife and I recently had a baby. We named him Butter. We take our little baby boy back home and realize it's actually a girl named Margarine. We were both shocked... I can't believe it's not Butter.

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