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Likes Jokes

If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she either really likes you, or you've been completely friendzoned

Or she hasn't seen you in the tree with your binoculars yet.

How to tell if a girl likes you

You can tell if a girl likes you by her ankles:

If they are behind your head, she likes you.

If they are behind *her* head, she *really* likes you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

I don’t think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

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My wife says if this post get a 1000 likes, I can get anal on my cake day

Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless

A man who likes a drink...

A man who liked a drink was warned by his long-suffering wife that if he comes home drunk one more time she will leave him.

The next evening he is out with his colleagues after work, drinks way too much and is sick all down his jacket.

He explains that his wife is likely to leave him w...

My girlfriend likes to roleplay

For the past three years she's been playing my ex-girl.

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt, and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

“I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.

The clerk nods and climbs up a la...

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My girlfriend is from India. She likes to tease me by sending a pic of herself clothed, and then one of her nude.

She calls it sari, not sari.

How do you know that a sniper likes you?

He misses you.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

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My Wife Likes to Talk After Sex

But I wish she’d stop calling from hotel rooms.

-Rodney Dangerfield

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We have a friend who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, but we haven’t seen him for a long time.

He always has stuff to do.

What do you call someone who really likes Tylenol?

An acetaminofan.

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot...

but honestly... I'm not a fan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa told me he likes his men like he likes his coffee

With milk and not in his butt

How can you tell if a guy likes Moosehead?

From the antler marks in his thighs.

What president likes to clean heavy objects?

George Washington

What do you call an economist that likes to eat?

An economnomnomist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers?

An oxymormon.

Rufus likes sticks

I was in the park the other day with my dog Rufus, trowing sticks and what not.
He was just as happy as a dog can be so I asked him.

"Rufus! What is it you like so much about sticks?"

He turned around a looked at me straight in the eye like he could not understand th...

NSFW Man tries likes to tickle

A man was sitting next to his wife. He reaches over and tries to tickle her,

"Tickle, Tickle, Tickle!'

The woman says, "Stop!"

The man tries to tickle her again,

"Tickle, Tickle, Tickle!"

"Stop, please!" She asked

The man tries to tickle her once more,
...

A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...

He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage?

Hen-tie

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My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex...

... last night she called me from Chicago!

My grandma likes to prank us by pretending to choke on her food

It’s an old gag

What kind of paper likes listening to music?

Rapping paper

What do you call pasta that likes to be spanked?

>!Fetish-ccine!<

I think my goldfish likes it when I take him out of his bowl…

He sure wags his tail a lot…

What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?

a bi-polar bear.

How do you know a girl likes you?

If she gives you a handy, you know she likes you. Especially if she uses the proper handy motion.

How do you know a girl loves you?

She'll give you another handy!

Because what's love but a second handy motion?

Sorry, Tina Turner was just on the radio.

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