UPJOKE
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Light Up Jokes

What did Texans used to light up their homes before they had candles?

Electricity.

My eyes light up when I hear a joke about water.

They love aqueous humour.

I've been told by people I light up a room

According to police it's called arson and those people are "witnesses"

[Hardware joke] How many RTX 4090 owners does it take to light up a lightbulb?

I don't know, but the entire house's lighting up too.

a good girl should be like a sun, she should light up your life and..

Go down on you everyday.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in her ears...

Two boxers light up a blunt

After a couple hours, both of them are pretty damn high, they start telling each other stories. One of them says, "Oh man, the other day I went on the craziest date with my wife. I got home after practice and told her to get ready. A couple minutes later we head out into that beautiful forest next t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in ...

I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

A penguin was driving when he noticed the warning light on his dashboard light up...

He limped the car to the nearest garage. The mechanic said it may take a while to fix and so to come back later.

So the penguin went out and took in the sights. Whilst he was there he decided to get an ice cream. However, only having flippers, he couldn't hold the ice cream very well and made...

A guy with LED Light up shoes at work, excitingly proclaims "Look at my shoes! They light up when I walk away!"

His annoyed co-worker sarcastically replies: "Doesn't everyone?"

Why did the phone’s eyes light up?

It got new contacts!

what do you use to light up a floor?

a fluorescent light

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary...

I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

My go-to pickup move when I'd just walk next to a girl in the bar and whisper in her ear "If I get excited,I can touch the bottom of the Pringles can" and see how their eyes light up excitement

I love these new snack size ones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

A man lights up a joint after refuelling his car.

A man was refueling his car when he lost concentration and the petrol began to overflow, splashing all over him. He dries himself off and pays for the petrol before getting in his car and continuing on his way.

A little while later he was driving down the road and decided to light up a joint ...

I met a woman once, she was able to light up the room when she walked in. When our eyes met...

She screamed and called the cops. I was later charged with breaking an entering and attempted burglary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I made a stop smoking pact, so now we only light up after sex and I've only had six cigarettes in the last two months

my wife is up to three packs a day

You know those joke candles that you blow out, and a couple of seconds later they light up again?

Well, the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them and. . .

What do my wife and Thomas Edison have in common?

They both light up my world!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

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