How do you describe an ambidextrous Greek string musician experiencing legular combustion?

Lyre, lyre, pants on fire

Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

The enthalpy change for a combustion reaction is always negative

In other words, fire is hot.

(chemistry joke, hope someone gets it...)

I once dated a girl who died because of spontaneous human combustion.

She was pretty hot.

Did you hear about the guy who spontaneously combusted?

He was arrested shorty after for waving a fire arm.

Ever heard of Spontaneous Human Combustion?

I have a friend named Sally. Well... she's not really a friend, but I knew her in high school. Anyways, one day she went out shopping. As she was strolling through the aisles, her arm caught fire! Just her arm and nothing else. It was a fascinating sight to see. A young woman flailing about the cere...

It's about damn time we start talking about spontaneous combustion.

It doesn't happen in a vaccuum.

Once upon a time, in a magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

Took me a month but I finally got to pull off this joke in real life

*Me and my friend had just finished watching a ton of conspiracy theory videos.*

Friend: It's crazy if some of that stuff is true. But the government is just hiding it from us.

Me: Yeah like monsters and aliens and stuff.

Friend: Yeah! And not to mention all the cool technology ...

Why Germans are so good at car engine manufacturing?

Because they have a lot of experience on combustion chambers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alternative phrases to "Calm your tits"

* Soothe Your boobs
* De-stress your breasts
* Undo the calamity that is your mammaries
* adjust your bust before it combusts
* Give that chest a rest
* Hakuna your tatas
* Dont have a rack attack
* Bring peace to your bosoms

One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the office of the Dean of Sciences. In rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician.

The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion.
The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation.
While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other...

Nothing warms my heart...

...quite like spontaneous combustion

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