Y'all ever just stop & think about all of the amazing, world changing, discoveries/inventions we use every day? Fire, the internet, refrigeration, the wheel, the combustion engine. My favorite invention?

The shovel. That was truly groundbreaking.

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

I once dated a girl who died because of spontaneous human combustion.

She was pretty hot.

The enthalpy change for a combustion reaction is always negative

In other words, fire is hot.

(chemistry joke, hope someone gets it...)

Why Germans are so good at car engine manufacturing?

Because they have a lot of experience on combustion chambers

Did you hear about the guy who spontaneously combusted?

He was arrested shorty after for waving a fire arm.

Ever heard of Spontaneous Human Combustion?

I have a friend named Sally. Well... she's not really a friend, but I knew her in high school. Anyways, one day she went out shopping. As she was strolling through the aisles, her arm caught fire! Just her arm and nothing else. It was a fascinating sight to see. A young woman flailing about the cere...

Took me a month but I finally got to pull off this joke in real life

*Me and my friend had just finished watching a ton of conspiracy theory videos.*

Friend: It's crazy if some of that stuff is true. But the government is just hiding it from us.

Me: Yeah like monsters and aliens and stuff.

Friend: Yeah! And not to mention all the cool technology ...

What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

A 14 y/o girl decides to try drugs.

So she created a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. She didn't have any cool friends with real drugs so she tried to smoke oregano, but found it hurt her throat. Next she tried black pepper in the bong but it made her sneeze. She experimented with ground Ginger but the smoke made her eyes...

The phone Samsung released after the Note 7 was actually more explosive than it.

It was the Samsung Galaxy S8


p.s I know good jokes don't need explaining but this is an original lame joke. S8 is the chemical formula for Sulfur which is combustible

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alternative phrases to "Calm your tits"

* Soothe Your boobs
* De-stress your breasts
* Undo the calamity that is your mammaries
* adjust your bust before it combusts
* Give that chest a rest
* Hakuna your tatas
* Dont have a rack attack
* Bring peace to your bosoms

One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the office of the Dean of Sciences. In rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician.

The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion.
The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation.
While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other...

What does a car on the highway to hell run on?

An infernal combustion engine.

Nothing warms my heart...

...quite like spontaneous combustion

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