UPJOKE

Learning English Jokes

Rule #1 for learning english

Their our know rules!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese tourist had been learning English conversation. However, as soon as he landed at an American airport, he collapsed. A doctor rushed to the scene and lifted the Japanese man up. "How are you?"

The Japanese answered in a hoarse voice.
"I'm fine thank you, and you?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. <...

Learning English

So a man and his wife decided to speak in English at home to improve their language skills.

Her: Hunney, I'm going to rest a little bit.

Him: Sure hunney, rest in peace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian learning English.

An Indian(like from India) is walking through the forest with his English teacher while the teacher points to and names objects. He points to a tree and says, "tree" the Indian repeats, "tree". They walk a little further and the teacher points to a rock and says, "rock" and the Indian repeats, "roc...

Guy moves to America, just learning English, gets cut off in traffic and yells 'E# Female Sheep'

buddy in the car goes, um, no, it's f u

I'm currently learning English (not my native language) and my teacher keeps wearing pentagrams, bathing in lamb's blood, and praising Lucifer

I'm not sure, but I think it's TEFL worship

A Russian joke from 1985

In Perestroika time, how do you tell between an optimist Russian, a pessimist Russian and a realist Russian?
Optimists are learning English.
Pessimists are learning Chinese.
Realists are learning how to field strip and clean an AK-47.

A family had just moved to the US from India.

They had a young daughter, like 5 years old, who was still learning English. One day she fell down the stairs while playing outside. She ran in crying and saying "The stairs hit me!"... once she calmed down her dad corrected her and said "No no. You mean to say 'I fell down the stairs'."

A fe...

Two Jewish guys go to a Kosher Chinese restaurant.

Their Chinese waiter greeted them in Yiddish, took their order in Yiddish, made small talk with them in Yiddish, gave their order in Yiddish, and took their bill in Yiddish.

On their way out, the two guys tell the restaurant owner what a pleasant surprise it was for them be able to talk with ...

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.