This power washer says you're supposed to wear safety goggles when you use it.

I can't see why.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What did the window washer say to the broken window?

I feel your pane.

How do you talk to the ghost of a window washer?

With a Squeegee Board

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

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Little/Big Johnny and the Lady

Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.

He knocks on a door, a lady answers, takes a newspaper, and Johnny says: "Collecting... that'll be five dollars please.”
She says "I'm a little short on cash but if you want I'll give you sex instead...?"
Johnny says "All right.”

He...

How did the golfer break his leg?

He fell off the ball washer!

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago, and all I did was take a few days off.

But it's alright, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer.

It's something I can really see myself doing

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

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I got fired from my job at the golf club today, here's how the conversation went.

*"This is not acceptable at all! You're fired!"*, said my boss.

"But sir I-"

*"I'm not hearing any excuses! You put your dick inside the golf ball washer!!? This is not acceptable at all!"* my boss replied.

"I understand sir, I'm really sorry."

*"Good. You may leave at on...

What do window washers, who are high on really good weed, deal with every day?

Chronic pane

I accidentally left a dollar in my pants pocket, and it went through the washer and dryer.

I hope the police don't find out about my money laundering scheme...

I like Jokes about window washers...

they work on so many levels.

The Window Washer

So there was this window washer who was asked if the glass he was washing was opaque and he replied it wasn't clear. His friend sees the remark as funny and asks if he had meant to make a pun and the window washer says, "Nope, unintended"

My dad always told me to always check my pants pockets before I put them in the washer, in case there was some money.

Because if you leave it there, you could be arrested for laundering money.

I just put C4 in my washer

And blew my load

We have one of the recalled Samsung washers. But, don't feel sorry for us...

We're going to have a blast!

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

Dad: Have you heard about the pressure washer?

Dad: "have you heard about the pressure washer?"

Daughter: "no."

Dad: *rolls eyes* "pshhhhhhhhhhhhh."

My mom told me to load the dish washer.

So I got her pregnant.

A cook got his hand caught in the dish-washer

and they were both fired.

I dropped my epileptic meds in the washer earlier.

Now my clothes don’t fit anymore.

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My wife moaned at me as she put dishes in the washer

I asked her "Why are you moaning at me"

She replied "I'm trying to put a load in the dishwasher, can you stop fucking me?"

I said to her "I'm just trying to put a load in the dishwasher too"

what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common?

they all help make a really convoluted joke.

In the west, You have a washing machine, a dish-washer, a shower, litter boxes, a toilet & a cemetery

But in India: We have the Ganges!

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Three guys died the same day

3 guys all died on the same day, and they're standing in line before Peter and the pearly gates.

Peter says "ayy fellas, I'm a little full today. I tell you what. Whichever one of you has the best death story gets in today."

So ol' Pete pulls the first guy over and asks how he dies. ...

How you turn a washer into a snow blower?

Hand her a shovel

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Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

Whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

You can drop a load in a washer and it doesn't follow you around for two weeks.

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Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them.

"Sorry about this guys," says St. Peter. "God didn't realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it's sad or interesting enough, I'll let you in."

He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bo...

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

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Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.



"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister...

I've been laundering money for a few months now.

Seriously, this quarter has been in my washer for months

The greatest joke I ever heard. So there's this long line outside of St. Peter's gate...

St. Peter comes out and says "Alright everyone... We are pretty full in heaven right now, so we've decided that whoever can tell the best story of how they died, will get into heaven"

One man steps forward and says "I definitely have the best one..."

"I lived in an apartment complex, a...

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A man gets home after a long day at work

He sits down on the couch and calls out to his wife "Hey babe, will you get me a beer before it starts?" She gladly goes to the fridge and gets him a beer, pops the top and brings it to him then goes into the kitchen to start dinner. About half an hour later she hears "Hey babe, will you get me a be...

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The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

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Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought..

A wife had just made her husband a nice breakfast as she was in need of a few things and her husband was just a complete A** Hole.

So, the husband is reading the paper, and the wife says, "Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought, well something is wrong with it, it won't go in...

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Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous...

I told my husband I’m going gradually cut back my dependence on technology in 2019.

I’m starting with the vacuum cleaner, washer/dryer and iron.

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

New Years resolution to recycle water

I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don’t care what everyone else at the gym says.

Why did the groom want his bride to wear white?

He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge.

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Four nuns are driving through Transylvania one night...

A vampire flies down out of the sky and lands on the hood of the car, hissing at them and baring his fangs.

The nun driving shrieks, "What do I do, what do I do?"

One of the other nuns says, "Turn on the windshield wiper, maybe it will knock him off!"

So the driving nun does so,...

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Why is a laundromat a bad place to pick up women?

Because if she can't afford a washer and dryer, she will never be able to support your broke ass...

Honey, before it starts.

-Honey can you bring me a beer before it starts?

She brings him a beer.

-Honey can you pass me the remote before it starts?

She passes him the remote.

-Honey can you put my work clothes in the washer before it starts?

She gets up and puts his working clothes in the...

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Why was there semen on the clean laundry?

When Greg woke up, his mom had left a note reading, "Please put a load in the washer"

So three guys are waiting in line to get into heaven...

And Saint Peter was walking around making sure everyone was doing OK and stopped at Bob. St Peter asks "So, how did you die?"

Bob says, "well my wife and I live on a third story apartment and I thought she was cheating on me. So I came home early from work one day, to catch her in the act. W...

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Wife came home Sunday afternoon

to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day. She yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do."

"Wow," I thought, "I can...

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The dishwasher

One day a guy is acting kinda weird after work and his wife notices it. She asks him, "Honey, what's wrong?". "Oh....nothing. Don't worry about it" he replies, but she keeps persisting to find out what's bothering him.
Finally he says, "Ok, ok....at work today, I had this sudden urge to stick my....

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

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The paper boy

The paper boy is going around collecting money from customers. When he gets to mrs Johnson's house he asks for the five dollars for last weeks papers. She says "I don't have five dollars would you trade for sex?"

The paper boy says that would be fine and they head upstairs. He then pulls out ...

What did the bolt say to the nut?

"Washer? I don't even know 'er!"

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