How do you talk to the ghost of a window washer?

With a Squeegee Board

The Window Washer

So there was this window washer who was asked if the glass he was washing was opaque and he replied it wasn't clear. His friend sees the remark as funny and asks if he had meant to make a pun and the window washer says, "Nope, unintended"

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Three men arrive in heaven at the same time. St. Peter comes out to greet them.

"Sorry about this guys," says St. Peter. "God didn't realize just how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if I think it's sad or interesting enough, I'll let you in."

He walks up to the first man who is a nerdy, bo...

I dropped my epileptic meds in the washer earlier.

Now my clothes donโ€™t fit anymore.

What did the window washer say to the window?

I feel your pane

A cook got his hand caught in the dish-washer

and they were both fired.

I like Jokes about window washers...

they work on so many levels.

We have one of the recalled Samsung washers. But, don't feel sorry for us...

We're going to have a blast!

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Crazy man has sex with machine at laundromat and evades police

Nut screws washer and bolts

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

My wife moaned at me as she put dishes in the washer

I asked her "Why are you moaning at me"

She replied "I'm trying to put a load in the dishwasher, can you stop fucking me?"

I said to her "I'm just trying to put a load in the dishwasher too"

Dad: Have you heard about the pressure washer?

Dad: "have you heard about the pressure washer?"

Daughter: "no."

Dad: *rolls eyes* "pshhhhhhhhhhhhh."

I just put C4 in my washer

And blew my load

what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common?

they all help make a really convoluted joke.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

In the west, You have a washing machine, a dish-washer, a shower, litter boxes, a toilet & a cemetery

But in India: We have the Ganges!

What should you not put in the washer with a load full of towels?

A towel full of loads

How you turn a washer into a snow blower?

Hand her a shovel

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Two American journalists are in London.

Two American journalists are in London attending a press convention. That evening they are in the bar chatting to fellow UK journalists when the subject of how headlines are written came up. The UK journo's commented that the Headlines in America are far too long. They need to be much shorter, and t...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

​

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen....

Wife: The vacuum cleaner doesnโ€™t suck the way it used to.

Husband: Neither does the dish washer.

I told my husband Iโ€™m going gradually cut back my dependence on technology in 2019.

Iโ€™m starting with the vacuum cleaner, washer/dryer and iron.

Husband comes home to his wife putting a load into the dishwasher

Husband: "Hey Honey, what are you doing?"

Wife: "Just putting a load into the dishwasher, how about you?"

Husband: "Trying to put a load into the dish washer."

The greatest joke I ever heard. So there's this long line outside of St. Peter's gate...

St. Peter comes out and says "Alright everyone... We are pretty full in heaven right now, so we've decided that whoever can tell the best story of how they died, will get into heaven"

One man steps forward and says "I definitely have the best one..."

"I lived in an apartment complex, a...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

A joke my dad told me when I was a kid.

3 men work as window washers on a skyscraper, and every day the three men took their lunch on the roof. One day the first man, a brunette, opened his lunch and said:


"My wife packed me turkey again! If I have turkey one more time, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself."

...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

New Years resolution to recycle water

I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really donโ€™t care what everyone else at the gym says.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

An American and an English newspaper reporter

An American and an English newspaper reporter were drinking in the bar after a media convention and the British reporter said, "The trouble with you Yanks is that you make your headlines much too long" "How do you mean?" said American. " Well" said the Brit. "take the recent case of the patient fro...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought..

A wife had just made her husband a nice breakfast as she was in need of a few things and her husband was just a complete A** Hole.

So, the husband is reading the paper, and the wife says, "Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought, well something is wrong with it, it won't go in...

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous...

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Four nuns are driving through Transylvania one night...

A vampire flies down out of the sky and lands on the hood of the car, hissing at them and baring his fangs.

The nun driving shrieks, "What do I do, what do I do?"

One of the other nuns says, "Turn on the windshield wiper, maybe it will knock him off!"

So the driving nun does so,...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

The dishwasher

One day a guy is acting kinda weird after work and his wife notices it. She asks him, "Honey, what's wrong?". "Oh....nothing. Don't worry about it" he replies, but she keeps persisting to find out what's bothering him.
Finally he says, "Ok, ok....at work today, I had this sudden urge to stick my....

Why is a laundromat a bad place to pick up women?

Because if she can't afford a washer and dryer, she will never be able to support your broke ass...

Why did the groom want his bride to wear white?

He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Why was there semen on the clean laundry?

When Greg woke up, his mom had left a note reading, "Please put a load in the washer"

Honey, before it starts.

-Honey can you bring me a beer before it starts?

She brings him a beer.

-Honey can you pass me the remote before it starts?

She passes him the remote.

-Honey can you put my work clothes in the washer before it starts?

She gets up and puts his working clothes in the...

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

Wife came home Sunday afternoon

to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day. She yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do."

"Wow," I thought, "I can...

So three guys are waiting in line to get into heaven...

And Saint Peter was walking around making sure everyone was doing OK and stopped at Bob. St Peter asks "So, how did you die?"

Bob says, "well my wife and I live on a third story apartment and I thought she was cheating on me. So I came home early from work one day, to catch her in the act. W...

This joke may contain offensive words. ๐Ÿค”

The paper boy

The paper boy is going around collecting money from customers. When he gets to mrs Johnson's house he asks for the five dollars for last weeks papers. She says "I don't have five dollars would you trade for sex?"

The paper boy says that would be fine and they head upstairs. He then pulls out ...

Most bizarre suicide.

"On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten- story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, ...

So a man escaped from a mental asylum.....

So a man escaped from a mental asylum and the first thing he did was head for the local town. In the town he found a laundrette and so he went inside and raped the workers there.

The next day's newspaper headline was " Nut bolts ,screws washers"

What did the bolt say to the nut?

"Washer? I don't even know 'er!"

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