What do you call a conversation between two garbage cans.

Trash Talk.

How many letters are there in "garbage"?

Only the ones you've sent me

Bad pickup line: Dang girl, you smell like garbage...

Can I take you out?

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A police officer sees an old lady dragging two large garbage bags down the sidewalk...

He takes a closer look and sees that one of the bags has a small tear in it and $20 bills are escaping from the hole every few yards. The officer approaches the lady and asks what's in the bags. "This one's filled with $20 bills", she replies. "Where did you get all that money?", the policeman enqui...

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A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

How rich are garbage men?

Filthy

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage

But I think this sub is doing even better!

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was having a bad day since heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven and each will have to answer a single question.

*To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"*

*The teacher thought for a second, and replied:" That would have been the Titanic, right?". And St. Peter let him through the gate.*

*St. Peter turned to the Garba...

You know there's no official training for garbage men?

They just pick it up as they go along.

I've been trying to throw a garbage can away for three weeks...

but they won't take it.

My wife and I argue every night that I have a garbage sense of direction

So I took my bags and right

A virus walks into a bar, and sits down. The bartender tells him, "We don't serve your kind here."

The virus is momentarily taken aback by this unexpected and blatant display of bigotry, the likes of which he's only seen in history textbooks.

For a brief moment, he considers the bartender. What kind of life experiences would shape someone into such a pathetic piece of garbage? What happene...

My friend dropped a penny down their garbage disposal, now it no longer works...

...I suggested she drop another one down there to see if it would dislodge the first. I was just giving her my two-cents.

A garbage man was doing the rounds one morning in Oklahoma

He came to a house where there was no bin out front, but there was a guy sitting on the porch.

The garbage man called out. ‘Hey! Where’s ’ya bin?’

The guy replies ‘I’ve been in Florida’.

The garbage man says ‘No. No. Where’s ‘ya wheely bin?’

The guys says ‘I’ve really bee...

There was once a boy

Forgive me for my bad english, its my second language. Feel free to give corrections if there are any

There was once a boy who treats everyone garbage, making fun of someone by who they are in the outside. His mother didn’t approve this behavior and told to his son that it was not right to ri...

Epstein is like a full garbage bag

It’s not gonna take itself out.

Why is great to have garbage men as my video game teammates?

They are used to carrying trash.

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back garden is ...

What's the difference between garbage and a home gym's weights during the COVID quarantine?

The garbage gets picked up once a week.

I started a new job as an Amazon delivery driver today. When I got to my first address there was a note saying ‘Dear delivery man, we’re out, please hide in garbage’

That was eight hours ago and still no one has found me

I keep trying to throw out my garbage can

But the garbage men keep emptying it and leaving it there

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with the band Garbage.

Stupid Girl.

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A mom was driving behind a garbage truck, a dildo fell out the back, bounced off the road and hit the windshield. Trying to protect her son's innocence she said, that was a big bug!

Her son replied, it's amazing it could fly with such a huge cock.

I tried to tell a joke about homeless people eating garbage, but it didn't go well...

I realize now that it was in bad taste.

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So a divorced husband has been seen having sex with a garbage bin

So a divorced husband has been seen having sex with a garbage bin

His ex-wife goes up to him and asks “Woah woah woah, what the hell are you doing?”

The man replies with: “Well you told me im fucking trash, so here we are.”

My dad told me to take out the garbage, but I said no..

I refuse.

I asked the plumber to install a garbage disposal on the bathtub drain...

He looked at me like - I - was the psycho.

Why are no garbage collectors allowed at the White House?

Because nothing would be left.

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An ensign was spending his first few days aboard a submarine learning his duties and a litany of regulations.

His job was unusual, but simple; tend a pair of oxen in a miniature field on deck 7. The purpose of this agricultural endeavor was to see if crops might one day be grown inside a spaceship; a submarine was an adequate stand in.

He had never driven cattle before, but in short order, he got th...

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

Reddit is like a Hot Pocket.

It’s full of garbage and cheese.

The other day I got into an accident with a garbage truck.

It was such a waste of time.

What do you call a group of baby garbage bins?

A litter...

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A mother and her son are stuck behind a garbage truck in traffic

Suddenly, a dildo flies out of the truck and hits the windshield.
To save her son‘s innocence, the mother goes: "Wow that was a huge bug!"
To which her son replies: "Damn, how is that bug flying with a cock that big!?"

What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.

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You have to be a real piece of shit to throw your garbage out your car window.

I spent the whole day picking up trash along the highway as part of my community service for beating up my girlfriend & it’s really made me develop a hatred for scumbags who litter.

Our National Railway company may be utter garbage and a disgraceful stain on the image of the country...

but at least if corona shuts it down, no one will notice the change in schedules.

Did you know the garbage man recognised me?

Yeah, he knows all the trash 'round here

Two garbage cans were leaving a bar after a night of drinking.

However, the first garbage can realized that they couldn’t get home due to their intoxication.

So, he turned to his friend and said, “Neither of us can drive home. I’m trashed and you’re wasted.”

What movie features Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher and Han Solo surrounded by garbage?

The Force Awakens

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

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Last night I got drunk and threw up in the garbage. My wife is pissed.

Mostly because she's the one the kids are complaining to that they can't find their favorite Pixar DVD.

My garbage man might get fired.

I really hope he isn’t canned.

A garbage man wakes up from a coma.

The nurse says to him
"I’m afraid to tell you that you’ve been in a coma for almost 25 years. Both of your parents have passed away in that time and the rest of your friends and lovers have moved on, believing you would never recover. You no longer have a home or any possessions. The only reason ...

My wife cheated on me with the garbage man.

I asked her how she could do such a thing and she said "He actually pays attention to me, he takes me out!" I replied, "That's because it's his job, honey."

We really gotta clean up the Great Pacific Garbage Patch...

...also known as Los Angeles.

What's got 4 wheels and flies

A garbage truck

Every week, I'm happy to say that a recycling truck takes my garbage.

But I prefer /r/jokes where trash gets recycled almost every single day.

Why does California have so many lawyers and New York has so much garbage?

New York had first choice.

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A garbage man is doing his collections....

..... he sees that one house has not put their bin out front. He checks down the side of the house, it's not there, so he knocks at the front door. No answer, so he rings the bell, still no answer. He knocks one last time, waits and finally starts walking back down the path towards the street. But t...

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[long] So this guy is working at his jewelry store when a little guy walks in with a stunning, beautiful girl

The jeweler helps the odd couple and keeps showing them all kinds of jewelry. It's the first time he sees this guy, so he pushes the typical, "most affordable" stuff, but the guy doesn't seem to concerned about the prices so he continues showing them even more expensive stuff.

After almost a...

An man sets his old hot water tank out as garbage.

The next morning the garbage men ignore it. So the next week he sets it out again but in front on his bins this time. The garbage men grab the trash behind it and leave the hot water tank. The next week he puts a sign on it that says "Take this". So the garbage men take the sign and leave the tank. ...

My cousin thinks reddit is unoriginal garbage

He runs an Instagram meme page

I think I want to be a garbage man.

I hear the industry is picking up!

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And old woman is carrying two garbage bags...

I was walking down the street, and I saw this elderly woman, carrying two garbage bags. I walked up to her in amazement and asked: 'My lady, what's in those bags?'
She looks mildly amused and said: 'Well, I live next to a pub, and after all those men have downed a couple, they crawl into my garde...

What's worse than 3 babies in one garbage can?

Answer: One baby in 3 garbage cans.

Garbage Collector

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father.

His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well," said the...

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Three maggots are left crawling around at the bottom of a garbage bin.

One day they all turn into flies, one male and two female, and start buzzing around the inside of the bin.

The female, realising there's no practical way out, turns to the other female fly and says, "Hey how do you get out of the garbage bin?" The other female fly says, "I don't know maybe as...

Ghetto camping terror.....

The year was 2009. My son, one of his friends, and I were ghetto camping.

That's when you pitch a tent in your backyard. Or in my case the neighbors yard.

Telling some really horrible ghost stories, when out of no where, an animal started rustling around by the garbage cans.

M...

I was reading a story the other day about a deranged garbage man running around for years, murdering dozens.

Psychologists said he was a diagnosed Suciopath.

An interesting comparison between the love of my life and a garbage can.

Many men put their junk inside.

It's not fair to compare Trump to garbage...

...garbage was once useful for something.

Our guru told us this joke when my mom told him I got scared by a stray cat at night while taking out the garbage.

There was this one cowardly guy who was scared of many things and once he took a journey to another town. While at it, he came upon a tunnel. He quickly got scared of the tunnel and started to look around for help. He saw a person standing by and asks him for help. The person says he's a guide and y...

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You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician all walk into different rooms, each containing a bucket of water and a garbage can that is on fire.

The engineer walks into his room. He sees the fire, then sees the bucket. He immediately grabs the bucket and dumps the whole thing on the fire to put it out.

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar

The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.

You know what’s more Lit than throwing garbage in the trashcan?

Throwing it on the ground - it’s litter!

I bought a new garbage can. My friend asked why.

I replied, "My old one was trash."

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.



The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of re...

What is the difference between r/jokes and a garbage bin

1 will be recycled.

One for the software devs

There are two eternal problems in traditional software engineering:

1. Garbage collection
2. Naming things
3. Off-by-one errors

An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?

Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.

I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.

There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.

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A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says: “The reason for your lifestyle is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do for a ...

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A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also...

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

What do you call garbage wrapped in small trash bags?

...dumplings

Why is garbage so sad?

It's down in the dumps.

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My gf keeps putting her tampons in the garbage...

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out.

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out. Normally, a bloke would just drive straight past, on to the next house, but old mate was in a good mood, he got laid last night. So he got out of the truck and knocked on the front door. An Aboriginal man answered...

The pathway next to my apartment building has never been cleaned, it's made out of garbage

Litteralley.

Two swedes were building a house. One of them threw half if the nails in the garbage.

The other swede wondered why he was doing that, and the first swede answered: "the point and the blunt side are switched on half of the nails so I cant hammer them in!" The other swede answered: "you idiot, they are for the other side of the house"


Btw this is a norwegian"svenskevits" whi...

What do a common garbage can and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common?

No Oscar!

What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans?

It was Bin Laden

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A little boy starts kindergarten

The teacher tells the class, “Tomorrow, I want all of you to be able to tell me the first four letters of the alphabet.”

So the boy goes home and approaches his mother in the kitchen, and asks, “What’s the first letter of the alphabet?” His mother glares at him and says, “Shut up, I’m on the ...

You know why I envy the garbage?

Because it goes out way more then me.

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When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise.

Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room.

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with garbage bags?

A Pillow Fight

I love garbage day...

Once a week my street celebrates me

A train carrying republicans to a retreat crashed into a garbage truck.

It's all ok everybody. The trash was completely unharmed.

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