Bad pickup line: Dang girl, you smell like garbage...

Can I take you out?

My wife cheated on me with the garbage man

I asked her how she could do such a thing and she said "He actually pays attention to me, he takes me out!" I replied, "That's because it's his job, honey."

I tried to tell a joke about homeless people eating garbage, but it didn't go well...

I realize now that it was in bad taste.

What do you call a conversation between two garbage cans.

Trash Talk.

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A family are driving behind a garbage truck

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.


Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says


"Don't worry. That was an insect."


To which one of the boys replies "How ...

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A family was driving behind a garbage truck

Suddenly a dildo fell out and hit the windshield. To preserve the innocence of the little boy the mother said: „Well, that was a big bug.“
The little boy replied: „How the fuck can this bug fly with such a bug cock?“

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A police officer sees an old lady dragging two large garbage bags down the sidewalk...

He takes a closer look and sees that one of the bags has a small tear in it and $20 bills are escaping from the hole every few yards. The officer approaches the lady and asks what's in the bags. "This one's filled with $20 bills", she replies. "Where did you get all that money?", the policeman enqui...

Why is great to have garbage men as my video game teammates?

They are used to carrying trash.

What kind of training to you need to become a garbage collector ?

None, you just pick it up as you go along

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.

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A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says:
“The reason for your lifestyle is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do for...

Our National Railway company may be utter garbage and a disgraceful stain on the image of the country...

but at least if corona shuts it down, no one will notice the change in schedules.

My garbage man might get fired.

I really hope he isn’t canned.

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A boy and his dog

A young man walks into a bar, followed closely by a large ball of black hair. The bartender looks at him and says "We dont allow dogs in here!"

The young man responds, "That's not a dog, it's a wooleybugger."

"What's a woolybugger?" quips the bartender.

"Come outside and I'll s...

What do you call a group of baby garbage bins?

A litter...

What’s the difference between my ex-girlfriend and garbage?

Garbage still gets taken out once a week

How many letters are there in "garbage"?

Only the ones you've sent me

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back garden is ...

The other day I got into an accident with a garbage truck.

It was such a waste of time.

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Last night I got drunk and threw up in the garbage. My wife is pissed.

Mostly because she's the one the kids are complaining to that they can't find their favorite Pixar DVD.

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.



The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of re...

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A man walks into a bar and says he'll drink anything that has gin in it

The Bartender decides he wants to impress the man with something creative. He grabs some cold-pressed mango juice from the refrigerator, squeezes in the juice from a small lemon, adds some ginger ale, and garnishes it with rosemary and an orange twist. Finally he adds the gin.

As the man fini...

Did you know the garbage man recognised me?

Yeah, he knows all the trash 'round here

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A Jew is riding in a streetcar in Germany during the early days of the Third Reich.

He is reading reading a Nazi newspaper, the Volkische Beobachter. A non-Jewish acquaintance sits down next to him and says, "Why on earth are you reading that garbage? It’s so virulently anti-Semitic!” “Look, friend," says the Jew, "I get up early and work hard in a factory all day. When I get home,...

What's the difference between me and the guy that comes by to pick up your trash once a week?

He's a garbage man, and I'm just a garbage person.

Two garbage cans were leaving a bar after a night of drinking.

However, the first garbage can realized that they couldn’t get home due to their intoxication.

So, he turned to his friend and said, “Neither of us can drive home. I’m trashed and you’re wasted.”

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Joke translated from arabic

Three men were at a woman's house while her husband is at work. But he decided to come home early. Hearing the sound of the car, the woman told them to hide. With not enough time, they hid under garbage bags. The man walks in and asks his wife "What are those bags?"

The woman says:"my father ...

If Beyblade’s were a video game the final boss would be

a garbage disposal

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You have to be a real piece of shit to throw your garbage out your car window.

I spent the whole day picking up trash along the highway as part of my community service for beating up my girlfriend & it’s really made me develop a hatred for scumbags who litter.

I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage

But I think this sub's doing even better!

What's worse than 3 babies in one garbage can?

Answer: One baby in 3 garbage cans.

A garbage man wakes up from a coma.

The nurse says to him
"I’m afraid to tell you that you’ve been in a coma for almost 25 years. Both of your parents have passed away in that time and the rest of your friends and lovers have moved on, believing you would never recover. You no longer have a home or any possessions. The only reason ...

A man was helping his friend clean out his garage.

He noticed an amazing looking belt in the garbage can. It was black, with numerous stars and galaxies etched into it in intricate detail.

"Why are you throwing this out?" He asked.

His friend replied, "It is just such a waist of space."

Two policemen are walking through a park and see how a young man is putting an apple core in a plastic bag.

Then he takes another apple, eats it and puts the core in the bag again.

So they approach him: "Excuse me, why do you return the apple cores back in the plastic bag when there's a garbage bin next to you?"

He says: "When I get home, I'll take the apple seeds out of them and eat them. I...

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

Every week, I'm happy to say that a recycling truck takes my garbage.

But I prefer /r/jokes where trash gets recycled almost every single day.

Why does New York have lots of garbage and Los Angeles have lots of lawyers?

Because New York got to pick first

Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?

Not enough people really talk about England very much

What has more than three wheels and flies ?

Garbage trucks

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a statistician all walk into different rooms, each containing a bucket of water and a garbage can that is on fire.

The engineer walks into his room. He sees the fire, then sees the bucket. He immediately grabs the bucket and dumps the whole thing on the fire to put it out.

The physicist walks into his room and sees the fire and bucket. He takes out a sheet of paper and calculates exactly how much water he...

I bought a new garbage can. My friend asked why.

I replied, "My old one was trash."

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What electrical appliance gives the worst blow jobs?

Garbage disposals

A man is walking down Main Street in a small town, browsing the shops.

He goes into a curio shop, and peruses through all the knickknacks. In front of the register, there is a glass case with several expensive items. One item catches his eye; a little gold rat, slightly smaller than the real thing. He asks the shopkeeper what's the deal with the gold rat.

"Ahhh,...

An man sets his old hot water tank out as garbage.

The next morning the garbage men ignore it. So the next week he sets it out again but in front on his bins this time. The garbage men grab the trash behind it and leave the hot water tank. The next week he puts a sign on it that says "Take this". So the garbage men take the sign and leave the tank. ...

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Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

What movie features Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher and Han Solo surrounded by garbage?

The Force Awakens

A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The teacher answered quickly, "That would ...

It's not fair to compare Trump to garbage...

...garbage was once useful for something.

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A garbage man is doing his collections....

..... he sees that one house has not put their bin out front. He checks down the side of the house, it's not there, so he knocks at the front door. No answer, so he rings the bell, still no answer. He knocks one last time, waits and finally starts walking back down the path towards the street. But t...

Why does C++ have no garbage collector?

Because nothing would be left.

Garbage Collector

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father.

His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well," said the...

Did you hear about the vsco girl who died in a garbage compacter?

She got sksksks-squooshed

What do you get when a bee is stuck in the garage?

Garbage

COVID Humor

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

My cousin thinks reddit is unoriginal garbage

He runs an Instagram meme page

I was reading a story the other day about a deranged garbage man running around for years, murdering dozens.

Psychologists said he was a diagnosed Suciopath.

I think I want to be a garbage man.

I hear the industry is picking up!

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Three maggots are left crawling around at the bottom of a garbage bin.

One day they all turn into flies, one male and two female, and start buzzing around the inside of the bin.

The female, realising there's no practical way out, turns to the other female fly and says, "Hey how do you get out of the garbage bin?" The other female fly says, "I don't know maybe as...

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And old woman is carrying two garbage bags...

I was walking down the street, and I saw this elderly woman, carrying two garbage bags. I walked up to her in amazement and asked: 'My lady, what's in those bags?'
She looks mildly amused and said: 'Well, I live next to a pub, and after all those men have downed a couple, they crawl into my garde...

The last week or two I've been really obsessed with mixing things.

The last week of two I've been really obsessed with mixing things. I've been mixing anything and everything I can find, from pasta and sauce to the garbage in the trash can and the clothes in my drawer.


The weirdest thing is that when I start mixing something I have a hard time stopping! ...

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. ....

"One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking i...

Heaven or Hell

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom ...

You know what’s more Lit than throwing garbage in the trashcan?

Throwing it on the ground - it’s litter!

A lawyer, garbage collector, and hair stylist sit down at a bar

The lawyer orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it right away. The garbage collector orders some tequila and downs it immidiatly. The hair stylist says "I don't do shots" and then quickly dies of polio.

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out.

The Garbage man was on his rounds and noticed that one house hadn't put their bin out. Normally, a bloke would just drive straight past, on to the next house, but old mate was in a good mood, he got laid last night. So he got out of the truck and knocked on the front door. An Aboriginal man answered...

Two swedes were building a house. One of them threw half if the nails in the garbage.

The other swede wondered why he was doing that, and the first swede answered: "the point and the blunt side are switched on half of the nails so I cant hammer them in!" The other swede answered: "you idiot, they are for the other side of the house"


Btw this is a norwegian"svenskevits" whi...

I've spent my isolation reading the thesaurus.

Because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

What do you call garbage wrapped in small trash bags?

...dumplings

The pathway next to my apartment building has never been cleaned, it's made out of garbage

Litteralley.

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My gf keeps putting her tampons in the garbage...

Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

A journalist named John moved to a new city, where he noticed something strange...

Citizens of the city get a quarter for every bag of garbage they throw out!
John did not understand how this came to be, and decided to ask one of his new neighbors.

The neighbor told John that a few years ago, the city was not special at all with its garbage disposal system. Everybody di...

An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator?

Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.

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A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also...

I just got hired as a garbage truck driver.

There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.

Why is garbage so sad?

It's down in the dumps.

Our guru told us this joke when my mom told him I got scared by a stray cat at night while taking out the garbage.

There was this one cowardly guy who was scared of many things and once he took a journey to another town. While at it, he came upon a tunnel. He quickly got scared of the tunnel and started to look around for help. He saw a person standing by and asks him for help. The person says he's a guide and y...

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You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

A train carrying republicans to a retreat crashed into a garbage truck.

It's all ok everybody. The trash was completely unharmed.

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The Male Anatomy

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.


Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out befo...

You know why I envy the garbage?

Because it goes out way more then me.

I love garbage day...

Once a week my street celebrates me

What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans?

It was Bin Laden

What do a common garbage can and Leonardo DiCaprio have in common?

No Oscar!

Whats the difference between a redditor and a garbage treatment plant?

The redditor smells worse, but has a higher recycling efficiency.

My street looks like a garbage dump...

...litter ally!

Garage sales are garbage sales.

But the B is silent.

What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with garbage bags?

A Pillow Fight

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The garbage men are collecting the bins when one of them notices the bin of the old Japanese guy in number 23 is missing....

So he rings the dorbell.

"Harro!" the Japanese man says as he opens the door "What is matter?"

The garbage man, short on time, cuts to the chase "Where's your bin?"

"Uhm... I bin on toiret"

"Nah man, I mean where's your dust bin?"

"I said, I dust bin on toiret!"...

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

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