UPJOKE
laundrycarwashpawnshopcoffeehousewashroomluncheonetteparlordishwasherlumberyardclothesshoe storedry cleaningshacksomeplaceanybody

Did you hear what happened at the laundromat last night?

Three clothespins held up two shirts.

Did you hear about that fight at the laundromat?

I recon a washing machine beat the snot out of a handkerchief.

Did you hear about the guy that escaped from a loony bin, went to the laundromat and assaulted some patrons, then ran away?

The headline in the paper read,

> Nut Screws Washers and Bolts.

Why was the laundromat cancelled on Twitter?

For reminding people to separate whites from colors

I got charged $50 by a taxi driver to go to a laundromat only 2 miles away

I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a prostitute and a laundromat have in common?

If you run out of time you will need more change to finish your load.

A Woman goes into a laundromat

The woman says: “I spilled salad on it.” The Worker, not hearing them, said: “Come again?”
The woman says: “No, not this time, it was salad.”

So I was at the laundromat the other day

I went to the change machine to get some quarters. It took my bill but nothing came back out.

And I thought, "that doesn't make cents."

What city does the Laundromat man protect?

Clotham

The management at my laundromat has been having some issues lately, and as a result, have been slow on getting items back

I need my suit on Sunday so I hope they've ironed things out.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

I brought my therapy dog named “stains” to the laundromat the other day and he started to run of

So i shouted “come stains!”

A man was at the laundromat

to do his laundry. He saw that it was going to take a few hours so he went to Subway to grab a bite. He was about to pay when he realized he left his wallet at the laundromat.

He went back and he saw police cars around. The man was arrested.

"Money laundering is illegal, buddy", said t...

Why couldn't Mike Tyson go to the laundromat?

Because it was clothed.

A homeless man and his wife got married in a Laundromat. Where did he take her when she wanted a divorce?

He took her to the cleaners

How is your mom just like a laundromat?

For a dollar in quarters she will take my load.

I got up the courage to try the change machine at the laundromat today

But it must be out of order

my life is still the same







This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A porn star comes running up to a laundromat just as it's closing, offering to trade sex so she can wash her clothes. [nsfw]

She just wanted to get one more load in.

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?

Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.

Why does the U.N. keep close tabs on laundromats?

They’re watching for ethnic cleansing.

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.

Plus it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Two friends run into each other at the same laundromat...

Two old friends, Paul and Donny, run into each other at the same laundromat. Paul brings a variety of detergent while Donny doesn't.

Donny asks Paul if he could use one of his detergents and Paul gladly hands him some Tide. Unhappy with the way his clothes came out, Donny asks Paul if he had...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marriage Counselling

A couple go to get counselling. The counsellor asks why they think they need counselling and before the man gets a chance to speak his wife starts.

"He’s always horny and often wants sex at the least convenient times."

"Ok!" says the counsellor "can you give me an example?"

The ...

Yo mama so fat

That when her underwear got dirty and she went to the laundromat, they told her that they don’t accept parachutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

My girlfriend just yelled at me to "seperate the whites from the colors!"

Yeah, racist as hell. If that's the way she's going to act, she can go to the laundromat alone next time.

A man inherits a priceless coin collection...

from his deceased grandfather. One day a friend of the grandfather sees the grandson and asks him about the collection.

"Oh that? None of those coins worked in the laundromat, so I swapped each one of them for a shiny new coin at the bank." The grandson replies.

"You did what?!" The ol...

A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum.

He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.

Headline in the local newspaper next day read,

"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts”.

I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Names
===========
If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice.
If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
===========...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in a bar when he asks the bartender where to get some action...

A man is sitting in a bar when he asks the bartender where he can get some action around here.

"Well if you go down the alley behind the laundromat there's a hooker who will blow you for 15 bucks."

The man thanks the bartender and runs out of the bar and down the dark alley to find th...

Nicknames

Three woman who were good friends would meet at the laundromat once a week to talk while washing their clothes. All of the woman were dating men named john, so one week they decided to make up nicknames to call their men so that they could tell them apart.

One of the women says, "let's name o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Odd Signs From England

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STE...

A woman goes on a date.

It was wonderful! Though the next day, she noticed a stain on her dress. She didn't worry though, because she often went to a laundromat to get her clothes cleaned, and she had made friends with the staff there. Later, she went into the laundromat and said to the old clerk, "Hello Bob! Can you clean...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Male chauvinist pig jokes.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Wha t are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.