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Soap Jokes

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Soap for sister

Two men on a pilgrimage spend the night at a Nunnery. They take a shower across the hall. When they want to start they notice they forgot the soap and one of them quickly darts back to their room to get two little travel soaps. Just as he wants to cross the hallway two nuns walk by, thinking on his ...

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I'm sorry I used your soap to masturbate.

I just had to come clean.

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I asked 100 women what their favorite soap in the shower was.

The most popular response was: "How the fuck did you get in here?"

I wrote a song about squeezing a bar of soap in the shower.

It's dropping soon.
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Soap

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.
...
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Why do they use liquid soap in prisons?

It takes longer to pick it up
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Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

Those dirty bastards.

A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, runni...
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I dropped the soap in the prison shower today.

A big inmate, with a cock like a python, handed it back to me.

"Nice try, you ugly cunt," he said.

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My roommates don't know I've been stealing all the soap for lube to masturbate with ...

But eventually I'm going to have to come clean.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth!

Then it's soap opera!
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A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

It doesn't matter how nice the soap smells..

Never let anyone see you walk out of the bathroom sniffing your fingers.
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What's the name of the soap opera about a seabird that moved rapidly around and around?

"As The Terns Whirled."
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Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap?

So just in case they go overboard they can wash up on shore!

Arrrrgh
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I was wondering where the dish soap was.

And then it Dawned on me
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I once had to pretend that i was taking a shit, so I dropped a bottle of soap in the toilet

It was a shampoo.

Why did the soap get fired?

It kept slipping up
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For a survey I asked people what soap they use in the shower.

90% of them told me to get out.
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How is virginity like a soap bubble?

One prick and it’s gone.

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Two monks are taking a shower together.

Suddenly one of the monks notices that they forgot the soap. So he leaves the shower and runs to his room completely naked to grab some soap.

Once he's got the soap and is walking back he hears three nuns approaching.

Terrified that they might recognize him he freezes and pretends to b...

After I got COVID I threw out all my soap and deodorants and I only shower once a week.

That's because my doctor said I wouldn't smell anymore.
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Are your parents soap and hard water?

Because you are a scum!
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What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?

"Get out. This is micelle"
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Been running out of bar soap over the last few days... today we finished our last one.

Honestly I'm not that disappointed, stuff tasted like shit.

two cows are taking a bath. One says: "hey, can you pass me the soap please?"

To which the other cow starts screaming: "AAAARGH, A TALKING COW!"
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Did you hear about the new soap opera that only has specialists?

It's called "Specific Hospital"
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One time I shot a bar of soap.

The bullet went clean through.
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I've been trying to learn to use bar soap in the shower but it's not going well

I just can't seem to grasp it
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I've been secretly injecting soap into my balls to see if I can jizz bubbles.

It's time for me to come clean.

What kind of soap can also be used to keep away men?

Deter gents
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What do you call someone that steals your soap?

A dirty criminal
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My wife and I were taking a shower together and she dropped the soap.

Now she’s all butt hurt about it.

my public pool's showers has two different soap dispensers one is white and the other soap is transparent

i asked my life guard about the difference between them

he said that the white one is shampoo for hair

and the transparent is for the body.

me being bald i asked him: so i use one soap?

he was silent for a second while he looked at my body me wearing only my swimming shor...
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Two priests step into the communal shower, when they notice there's no soap. One says, "I'll go to my room and get two bars." He runs naked to the room, grabs the bars, but as he's running back, three nuns show up. Not knowing what else to do, he freezes like a statue...

The nuns look at the statue and say, "Such a beautiful figure, perfectly shaped!"

One of them, admiring its "toy soldier" decides do pull it.

The priest's reaction to the enormous pain makes him drop one of the soap bars, but he holds his pose.

The nun conclude then, that it's n...
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What's the difference between Dish soap and Lube?

The first one splits the greases, the second one greases the split.
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I reluctantly told my GF today that I've been using soap as lubricant for the past month.

I had to come clean.
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If you ever find yourself in prison, don't drop the soap.

It's full of criminals and you may not get it back.
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I made a rap song all about soap.

It’s fine, the lyrics are clean.
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Someone put dish soap on the ceiling today.

I didn't know until it dawned upon me.
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What does depressed soap have?

The big sud
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Don't you love when you drop the soap...

And it lands perfectly vertical, standing there like magic?!?
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Quarantine Tip #19: Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent.

Then it Dawned on me.
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They arrested the overweight soap maker

Apparently he was a big fat lyer.
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I hate soap

It tastes like cilantro.
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After years of working his way up through the Dove Soap Company, Jedidiah Kermin was finally promoted to CEO.

Jeb was ecstatic and ready to lead the company into a new golden age of soap making. He was determined to shake up the industry and leave a true legacy for himself. So he went to product development and told them that what Dove needed was to make a soap that could clean people faster than any other ...
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Handcrafted soap is the best

No lye.
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Why did the woman with a stalker ex-boyfriend buy every brand of soap in the store?

Because she wanted a good deter-gent.
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What’s the difference between a nun in church and a prostitute in a bathtub?

One has hope in her soul
The other has soap in her hole

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It’s a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would ...
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My friend said he doesn't believe that soap works.

He said it was all a lye.
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Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?

Seems like it'd be a little Tidier
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Who stole the soap from the bathtub

The robber ducky
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My body has absorbed so much soap and water, hand sanitizer & disinfectant....

... that when I pee I clean the toilet.
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A monk, 3 nuns and liquid soap (long)

So 2 monks were going to have a shower and as they got in, they realised that they didn't have any soap so one of them went up to his room as he had some there. As he was leaving, he saw 3 nuns in the hallway so posed as a statue to wait for them to go past.

When they reached him, the first n...
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LPT: If you have been unable to buy soap due to panic buying

Find someone who has some and ask politely if you can sneeze into their hands.
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I used to cut viagra with soap powder.

Just wanted to cum clean.

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So robbers broke into my house and stole all the soap,

Dirty bastards, but than the cops came and did a full report. The cops said they got away clean.

I first became addicted to soap 2 years ago

But I'm clean now...
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I finally confessed to my family that I've been using the shower soap to pleasure myself

I came clean.
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Marriage is like a bar of soap...

It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it
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All these posts about being addicted to soap and getting clean...

No one talks about the constipation.
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What kind of soap does a dolphin use?

All porpoise cleaner!!!!
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When You Drop The Soap...

...is the floor clean or the soap dirty?
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Why should you never trust what it says on a bar of soap?

They always lye.
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What do condoms and hand soap have in common?

Nobody uses them
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Ok, I admit it! I masturbate with soap...

That’s me coming clean.

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