I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.

The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.

What’s green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and can kill you if it falls out a tree?

A pool table

Green is definitely my favorite color

I like it far more than blue and yellow combined

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

What's green and difficult to see through?

What's green and difficult to see through?

>!Kermit the fog!<

What's green and runs?

>!Kermit the jog!<

What's green and written once a week?

>!Kermit the blog!<

What's green and made of wood?

>!Kermit the log!<

What's green and only appears once every 76 years?

Halley's Kermit.

You know what's green and tastes like blue paint?

Green paint.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Green Persimmons

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda.
Her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something h...

Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’

He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?” I asked.

“It’s not unusual” he replied.

What is green and broken ?

A crooked-ile.

What is green and races out of your nose at 200 MPH?

A Lambooghini!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's green, 2 miles long and has an asshole every couple of feet?

St. Patrick's day parade in Dublin.

What do you have if you've got a green ball in each hand?

The Hulk's undivided attention.

What’s green and smells like ham?

Kermit the Frog’s middle finger

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

The green new deal is actually a national security bill.

With out any airplanes there will be no more hijackings.

Why can’t you play uno with Mexicans?

They’ll steal all the green cards...

What's big and green, brown and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would certainly kill you?

A pool table... (A billiards table)

They always say “eat your greens” and “eat an orange”,

But try to eat one black and it’s ‘cannibalism’ and ‘a racial crime’!

What's green and rolls?

Grass. I lied about the rolling part.

Why don't anarchists drink green tea?

Because it helps fight free radicals.

Hillary, Donald Trump, and Barack Obama were waiting in the green room before a banquet with the movers and shakers of DC...

Suddenly a heavenly chorus of angels sang, and God appeared to the trio.

In a booming voice God said, “Each of you may ask one question, and I will answer it.”

Obama asked, “Will there ever be another black president?”

God replied, “Yes. But not during your lifetime.”


What is green and sits crying in the corner?

The Incredible Sulk

What’s green and comes in April?


This St. Patrick's Day, Julia Roberts has a new movie coming out. It's about a woman who fights to expose the toxic levels of green beer.

It's called Erin Go Bragh-kovich.

Whats green and gets smoked in bowls?

Notre Dame

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you have a green ball in your left hand and another green ball in your right what do you have?

The Hulk’s cock in your mouth

Mr Green lives in The Green House. Mr Blue lives in The Blue House. Mrs Pink lives in The Pink House. Who lives in The White House?

Mr Orange.

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

What has six legs, green fur, red balls, and can kill you if it drops on you from a tree?

A snooker table.

"Mom just said the gardeners have green thumbs.

But I just saw them and they were normal!", a kid asks his father.

"Well that's just a figure of speech son, it's like saying that someone who was caught stealing was caught 'red handed' even though in reality his hands are just black!"

What goes red and green, red and green, red, red, red, red?

Frog in a blender

Green beans

Did you know that if you say "GULLIBLE" really slowly, it sounds like "GREEN BEANS"??

What's green and slippery?

Two adjectives.

What’s the difference between and green bean and a chickpea

I’ve never paid 200 bucks to have a green bean on my face.

I went to doctors as i couldn't stop hearing green green grass of home ....

The doctor said 'I think you might have a touch of Tom Jones syndrome'

I asked 'Is it common?'

He said 'Well......it's not unusual'.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you happen to have two little green balls in your hand?

Kermit’s undivided attention.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between red and green?

Fuck all apparently if you’re on a bike

I noticed a gorgeous woman in a green dress.

But she wasn't interested. My green dress probably put her off.

A green grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a water.

The bartender is intrigued by his new customer and decides to spark conversation. He says "Did you know we serve a drink here that's named after you?"
The Green Grasshopper looks perplexed and says "You serve a drink called Steve?"

I told my (blonde) sister this joke: "How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her."

She replied, "I don't get it."

These hot green peppers won’t stop with the personal questions.

It’s like they’re jalapeño business.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.

American car companies have announced they are going 100% green

Starting with the Ford Ficus

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pussy Green

A man went to Confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.
"Father it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Pussy Green last week."
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go and say three Hail Mary's.
Another man entered the confessional. "Father, it has ...

There’s a green man

Who lives in a green a house and one day he was having a shower,when he heard a knock on the door.
So he puts on a towel and walks to the door and when he gets to the door there’s a Girl Scout selling cookies.
“Would you like a cookie, sir “said the girl “of course let me get my “ said the gre...

There Once Was A Little Grren Man (Old)

There once was a little green man. One morning he woke up, got out of his little green bed and went to have a little green shower.
Half way through his little green shower, he's hears someone ringing the little green doorbell.
So he gets out of the little green shower and wraps himself in a li...

Why did the green tomato lose the race

It couldn't ketchup

I hated eating my greens in school when I was a kid

They always tasted worse than the other crayons

My Hip Hop name is DJ Green Onion.

But you can call me Rapscallion.

Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

The story of Mr. Green.

Mrs. Barker, Elementary school teacher,was telling her students a wonderful story. It was for the English lesson that Mrs. Barker improvised to keep her lessons engaging. This was one off her stories.

Once there was once a world where humans were either red, yellow or green.

One day ...

I wore neon green to a funeral.

It was a hue mistake.

I asked someone what their favorite band was, they said it was Green Day.

I replied, “you probably walk a lonely road then”.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone get...

I found out I was colorblind by watching Star Wars

I couldn't see the green screen

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop.

Few moments later along came Old Seymour, stood near him and kept staring at him hard.
Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, "What's up old man! Never done something wild?"
To this Seymour replied, "Yeah,I fucked a chicken once and I'm wondering if you are my son."

Fuzzy Green Booger

A woman walks into a pet store one day looking for a pet to buy.

The pet store owner walks up:
"Can I help you find anything?"

The woman replies:
"I'm looking for a companion."

Owner: "How about a dog?"

Woman: "I'm allergic to dogs."

Owner: "How about a cat?...


A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make ...

You could say that I've been blessed with green fingers

Or you could say I pick my nose far too much.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why are pool tables green?

You’d be green too if someone was poking your balls with a stick.

What's green and fluffy?

Red fluff, if you're color blind.

If a Bluebird has blue babies, and a Green Jay has green babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow.

I'm a narcoleptic Green Day fanatic,

Wake me up when September ends.

When do you start on red and stop on green?

When you're eating a watermelon!

I was waiting for the green light at the crossing and saw an old woman walking with a little child...

The excited child was walking bit faster towards the crossing than the old lady. She then shouted, "Degree, wait for me!"
I was so amazed to hear such an unusual name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "Ma, why do u call your grand child Degree?" The woman laugh...

I was eating green onions when all of a sudden, I started rhyming everything that I was saying.

It turns out, they were rap scallions.

A bit of red tarmac and a bit of black tarmac were sitting quietly in the pub having a pint, when this bit of green tarmac walks in, beats the living daylights out of the red bit of tarmac and then storms off again...

The barman says to the bit of black tarmac, “What the heck was all that about?”

The bit of black tarmac replies, “You have to be careful not to upset that one. He’s a bit of a cyclepath."