UPJOKE
temperaturecelsiusabsolute zerofahrenheitphysicistksithermodynamicscentigradestokeslukewarmtepidcoldwaterfeverdickson

Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job.

It was Celsius because he had a degree.

A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He’s the new temp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dickhead brother is named Kelvin

It's because he's an absolute unit.

When asked the temperature I enjoy giving it in Kelvin.

I’m losing my friends by degrees.

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

How do you decide who to marry?

**HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?**
**(written by kids)**

**You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.**
**-- Alan, age 10**

**-No person ...

What do you call ice that’s at 0 kelvin?

Still water.

I would apply for a job measuring the Kelvin scale...

... but I have zero degrees.

My chemistry teacher keeps talking about this guy "Kelvin" like he's soooo cool,

but in my opinion he is absolutely 0K.

Coach: “My boy Kelvin here is gonna freeze out the competition.”

Interviewer: “Is that him over there?Wow, what an absolute unit!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

"Should we adopt the Kelvin temperature scale?"

"That would just make everything seem larger."

"Yeah, it is an absolute unit."

Did you hear about the man who tried to freeze himself at 0° Kelvin?

He's 0K now

How is Bill Cosby like an environment at 0 Kelvin?

When around both, one eventually stops moving.

Forgive me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump visits NASA...

He called a meeting of all the top scientists and department heads. As a staffer called for quiet, everyone took a seat and Trump stepped up to the lectern and began speaking.

"I'm very happy to be here with the fine people of NASA today. Very happy. As you know, during my campaign I promised...

I used to work with a guy called Kelvin.

He was an absolute unit!

What’s the suns favourite clothes brand?

Kelvin Klein

She wanted space.

My wife says I take things too literally.
I say if you say you want "space" and I put you in a vacuum chamber chilled to 2.7 degrees Kelvin you got what you asked for. Roughly.

What do thermometers wear for underwear?

Kelvin Klein

-40° outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius.

My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes.

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