The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht,...

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

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A guy meets a girl at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night,,,,

..... Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They got back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window s...

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Tim has been dating his girlfriend for months, but he was never able to get her to orgasm...

He tried everything. Different positions, speeds, different lubes, even different music playing in the background. Nothing worked. Finally, she complains that she's just too hot during sex, and being all sweaty kills the mood.


So not having an electric fan to cool them down, Tim invites...

A girl invites her best friend to her Birthday party

At her birthday party while everyone else is away and having fun her best friend eats her whole cake. They catch her and of course the birthday girl is upset, but she manages to calm down and act like everything is fine, deciding to get her revenge another time.

Then several months later it's...

There a 502 bricks in a plane, one falls out, how many bricks are left?

501

Hoe do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Open the door, put the elephant in, shut the door

How do put a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door

The lion king invites all the animals to a party, but ones missi...

You have to be born in the 1940's and been a teenager in 1957 in order to get this joke

Its 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date.
Peggy Sue's Father invites him in.

He asks Bob what they plan on doing.

Bob politely responds that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in.

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I h...

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Jewish Mom buys a new apartment

She calls her son once she is moved in and is gushing about what a nice place she has and invites him to come see it.

Of course he agrees so she starts giving him directions on how to get there.

"Once you park, head straight through the courtyard and you'll see a buzzer for the apartm...

A married man invites his ex-girlfriend over for the night when his wife is out of town

Unfortunately, the security guard of his apartment building saw him with her.
He handed the security guard a crisp $50 and says: "Don't tell the missus about this."
To this the guard replies: "Man your wife pays a minimum of $100 evey time for this kinda stuff"

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A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings. It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts."

She says, "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you." He replies "I would pay you $50 just to see one of them." She thinks for a minute and decides to do it. He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw... I will give you another $50 if you show me both at the same time." She do...

Simon is in the school play and invites his parents

Now his parents don't think he'll be very good. Halfway through the play a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Dont worry' Simon's dad whispers to his wife 'It's just a stage he's going through!'

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The moth with depression

One evening physiotherapist is beginning to count down the minutes until he can close up his practice when his Secretary tells him that he has a walk in client, “well we are still open, so be it” says the physiotherapist “send them in!” The Secretary then gets kind of nervous and reveals that the cl...

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A date in the 1950's

Back in the 50's Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he arrives at the front door, Peggy Sue’s father answers and invites him in.

“Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says. “That’s cool.” say...

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The dishes

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle.

He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a FOR SALE sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it and asks th...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Ethiopian all sit in the hospital lobby as their wives are giving birth.

After a while the doctor comes out, invites them into the nursery where 3 babies lie in cribs and says: "Congratulation! You all just became fathers! But there is one problem. Due to a nurse's error the babies got mixed up and we don't really know which one who's."

The Englishman suddenly gra...

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

An American politician invites an Indian minister to his home.

The AP shows the Indian minister his Rolls Royce.

"Beautiful isn't it?" He asks the minister.

"Hmm, Yes it is"

"Wanna know how I could afford to buy it?"
*the AP points in a direction*
"You see that bridge over there? 5% of its building funds went into my pockets"
<...

Vladimir Putin visits a primary school one day

And he gives a lecture about how great the government is, and how Russia is the best country in the world.
At the end of the lecture he invites people to ask questions and one kid stands up and says
“Hello my name is Sasha and I have two questions”
Putin: “go ahead”
Sasha: “Why did Russi...

An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed and asks a favor...

He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace."

The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, a...

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A recent symphony performance

During a recent performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony, the two bass violin players become bored because there is a long period where they have nothing to do. One invites the other to go across the alley to a bar. One drink leads to another. Finally one says they need to get back, but the other say...

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A couple at a bar

In a nightclub, a girl invites her boyfriend for a drink. She orders a whiskey-soda for herself and a Bailey with lemon juice aside for him. - What did you order from me? the guy is surprised. - A Bailey with a lemon juice on the side! You will see, you will be amazed! - I don't know ... The bartend...

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