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Invitation Jokes

In breaking news, Triple Crown winner Justify has turned down an invitation to White House.

When asked why he answered, “If I wanted to see a horse’s ass, I would have finished second.”

I received a wedding invitation.

It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."

After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.

I invited my girlfriend of 3 months to a party for my 13 year old nephew. She let out an audible "awww," told me how sweet I was and that my invitation meant the world to her.

Should've seen the look on her face when I told her it was a search party.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anal invitation

"Let's go to your place." Said a fat girl.

"I would love to, but i don't have any lubricant"

"I don't think it's necessary, i'm not that tight" says the girl while smiling.

"Maybe you're not, but my door is."

I asked Schrodinger's Cat and Pavlov's Dog if they'd got the invitation to my birthday party.

The cats a maybe and the dog said it didn't ring any bells.

I was invited to a party...

'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

Invitation

Friend 1: Dude, me and Nick are going to a Giants game! Box seats, wanna go?

Friend 2: Nick and I.

Friend 1: What?

Friend 2: It’s Nick and I. Me and Nick is not proper grammar dude.

Friend 1: You are right! It is Nick and I, because you are no longer invited.

Marriage Invitation!

I received a marriage invitation. In the end was printed. " Your presence itself is a gift. We don't want any gifts at the marriage."

I read it again and again. Was getting confused...

Finally I came to the conclusion, that I am not invited. And therefore decided not to attend

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Invitation

A writer decides to get away from it all so he can finish his novel undisturbed, so he rents an isolated cabin way up in the mountains and takes up residence in it. His closest neighbor is several miles away, but he does catch a glimpse of him from afar once in a while, when the neighbor is out hunt...

The invitation

a man named Bob suffered from severe paranoia, it only got worse ever since the city he lived in got its first covid case.

Bob spent hours each day sanitizing his clothes and scrubbing himself to protect him from the virus.

One day Bob got a call from a very close friend of his. He w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Daughter...

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sailing aboard the new cruise liner SS Penis is by invitation only.

It's an exclusive member ship.

It said :"Only black ties" on the wedding invitation card.

But when I arrived, I saw people wearing suits too.

What party can you attend without an invitation

Your funeral

My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother’s surprise party.

That’s when I realized he was her favourite twin.

Jeffrey Dahmer once sent me a dinner invitation

But the offer was a me steak.

I just got an invitation to my cousin's wedding

They didn't give a dress code, but I've got to assume it's a black mask event

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do vampires usually pull out during sex?

They can't come inside without an invitation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

White House Update: Dick Cheney extends hunting invitation to Trump

Nope. Sorry. Just kidding.

So my friend sent me an invitation to this club

He said that they arranged taco Tuesday at the club. I didn't really feel up to it so I initially declined. He said it was fine but then kept inviting me every week. Every week I kept declining until I eventually gave in and agreed to come.


"Why do you want me to go so badly?"

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual REUNION of all time greats

* Newton said he'd drop in.
* Socrates said he'd think about it.
* Ohm resisted the idea.
* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
* Volta was electrified at the prospect.
* Pavlov pos...

I received a wedding invitation from a college classmate. In college we were on bad terms, but it seems he’s matured now. I was feeling nostalgic, but when I looked closely at the card it read…

Please circle one.

\- Will not attend

\- Will be absent

Just received an invitation to the local nudists club...

I though why not, I've got nothing on.

I got an invitation to a black-tie-only wedding

But when i showed up everyone were wearing tuxedos

Why didn't Toad get an invitation to Mario's Party?

Because even though he's a fun guy there isn't much room.

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