Me: My friend reminds me of Gandhi.

My wife: He looks nothing like Gandhi!

My friend, tapping me on the shoulder: Don’t forget about Gandhi.

I always remind my teenagers to shave their pubes

The last time we had a bush, 9/11 happened

My nerf gun bullet reminds me of my father

Both disappeared after I've played with them

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Even after 20 years of marriage, my husband still reminds me how juicy my ass looked on our very first date...

Which really pisses me off, since he was the one who suggested Indian food.

You remind me of Dracula.

You suck.

I told a girl that her eyes remind me of stars.

"Oh, you mean bright and shiny? :)"

"No, they're really far apart."

My credit card reminds me of school,

0% interest for the first 9 months.

Healthy Marriage reminds me of Cheap Electronics

Battery’s not included

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Girl, you remind me of a cigarette

Because I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth

My grandma got her foot amputated because of diabetes. Seeing her like this reminds me that no one can escape old age.

especially if you have one leg.

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A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

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'You remind me of a stallion,' said my wife.

'Big cock?' I said, smiling, rather flattered.



'No, you leave your shit everywhere,' she replied.

My wife told me that I remind her of a pizza

I asked if it was because I was so cheesy but she said, "no, it's because I want you to go"

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My secretary reminds me of my wife.

I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during lunch when she said,"Remember, you have a wife."

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People always say i remind them of olive oil.

Extra Virgin

My lights remind me of my uncle

Because I turned them both on

Was reminded my life was a joke when I asked a girl on a date and she said, “You remind me too much of the weekends....”

”Way too short and forgettable.”

I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen has a massive crack in it.

My love, you remind me the sea...

Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?

No

I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.

Not really.

So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?

Nope.

So what is it then?

You mak...

Anti-vaxxers remind me of the show GLEE

Both haven't aged well

The anniversary of Sully's heroic landing reminds us: You know you've succeeded in life if they cast Tom Hanks to play you in a movie...

Either that or you're just a really lucky idiot.

Guy takes a girl home after a second date. He tells her that she reminds him of his little toe. “Ahhh is it because I am small and cute?” she asks..

Nope, if I have any more to drink there is a very real chance I’m going to bang you on the coffee table.

Why would an imitation diamond remind you of St. Patrick's Day?

Because it's a shamrock.

Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?

Why? Because Im cute?

No Because When Im drunk later on tonight, Im gonna bang you on the coffee table. ;)

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The current situation in America reminds me of a porn video i watched

Where everyone gets fucked but nobody gets paid

Even as an adult, everytime I eat a Werther's candy, it reminds me of my grandmother

Tastes just like her

YouTube reminds me of your mom

It went down on all of America last night.

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

My face reminds of me of David Copperfield

Because it makes beautiful women disappear

I keep a picture of my wife and kids at my work desk that way no matter how bad a work day gets

I'll always be reminded how much worse it is at home and keep me working late.

Whenever I procrastinate on buying a gift, I just remind myself...

There’s no time like the present.

A lot of redditors who post in r/Jokes remind me of Carlos Mencia

Not just because they steal jokes but they're fat and stupid too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock...

...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up

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"So, how was your holiday in Africa?"

"Don't remind me," says the other, "I very nearly got myself killed!"



"Go on, what happened?" he asks.



"Well, I was hiking in the savannah when a lion appeared out of the blue and started chasing me. I ran for my life, but the lion kept getting closer and then just as i...

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

In *da* pendent

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I had sex with this girl that would constantly remind me of her age

I guess it's a German thing

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Your butthole reminds me of Spiderman.

It's a Peter Parker.

If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will be.

No need to remind her about it every 15 minutes

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Drinking Coors Light reminds me of making love in a canoe...

It's fucking close to water.

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

That reminds me of a theatre production based on the dictionary...

It was a play on words.

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In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of Virgin Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"...

In the left side, there's nothing right.

In the right side, there's nothing left.

Don’t you hate it when you can’t sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

Tonight's firework show reminds me of my dad

Really exciting for 30 minutes, then completely gone for a year

Reddit reminds me of 1849

Everyone is searching for gold, but few actually get it.

My girlfriend reminds me of my pinky toe

She's small, cute, and will probably end up getting banged on my coffee table tonight

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English teacher reminds her...

An English teacher reminds her students of the written test in her class tomorrow:


"Now, I don't want anyone to miss this important finals exam! I will not tolerate any excuse whatsoever for your absence--unless of course you had to go to the hospital because of a serious injury, or someo...

North Korea reminds me of a redhead

Because they both have no Seoul

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Whenever I get overwhelmed at work, I remind my boss that I only have two hands and one dick...

...I can only fuck up one thing at a time.

You remind me of Communism

no class at all

Drinking brandy always reminds my of my Grandmother

She never touched the stuff, but she's Very Special, Old and Pale.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher reminds her class for tomorrow's exam

A teacher reminds her class of the yearly test tomorrow.

"And remember class, there is no excuse for missing the test tomorrow, not a hurricane, not a funeral, not a nuclear attack, nothing!"

Little Johnny in the corner then pipes up and says

"What would happen if I came into c...

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Telling your date that she reminds you of your ex is a bit like farting after a curry.

It's risky and is probably not best done during a blowjob.

I want to remind everyone today that 9/11 jokes aren't funny...

...only 2/11 are.

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A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow

She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of sex?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."

Just want to remind all you Trump supporters

to get out and vote early on Wednesday.

My mom never missed an opportunity to remind me every birthday...

...that I was inside of her.

Christmas lights remind me of my friends.

They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.

Christmas reminds me of a 25 letter alphabet

No L

The presidential race between Hillary and Trump reminds me of the first AVP movie.

Whoever wins, we lose.

Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

Sour patch kids remind me of my mom.

She was sour, sweet, then gone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fireworks remind me of sex..

I'm always surprised when it lasts more than a few seconds.

The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump...

No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

It reminds me why I have no fucking money in there.

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