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Remind Jokes

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Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock...

...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.
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[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.

A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.


I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with...
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My Ex reminds me of a boxing ring.

It’s not unusual to find three men inside her.
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I had sex with this girl that would constantly remind me of her age

I guess it's a German thing

My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it's like to have a selfless guy go down on them.

It just gives us some scents of perp-puss.
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My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.

Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.
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REMINDER: If you have promised your SO that you will love them 24/7

Today is 24/7
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News story reminds me of old JFK "golden toilet" joke

Read in the news that thieves had been charged with stealing a $6 million gold toilet and it reminded me of this "classic."

For some reason one of the characters in this joke when it was told to me was JFK. The accent maybe made it more humorous.

JFK is on a talk show telling the story...

Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days….

reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park
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I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen has a massive crack in it.
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Damn girl, you remind me of the Canadian wildfires….

..You take my breath away.
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Don’t you hate it when you can’t sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night
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I met a man who reminded me of my dad. He came up to me and said....

Don't forget your dad.
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I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive organ! Needless to say I stormed off…

But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for ovary acting.
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My wife reminds me of Ariana Grande.

She’ll say “Don’t forget, next Wednesday we’re seeing Ariana Grande”
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My husband called me a p*ssy, and I had to remind him...

"You are what you eat."

I've been a d*ck ever since.
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You remind me of Jupiter

Equally big, and eats everything.
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I told my new flat mate that she reminded me of my little toe. “Is it because I’m small and cute?” she asked....

I replied “No, it’s because when I get drunk I’ll surely end up banging you on the coffee table...”
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Doc: you remind me of my cell phone

Lady: why?

Doc: Because you're about to die
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got kicked out of a restaurant for having improper dress. Reminds me of a funny story.

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes, she will be

No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

Sometimes when I'm feeling down I like to remind myself,

At least I'm closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is!
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I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

I want to remind everyone today that 9/11 jokes aren't funny...

...only 2/11 are.
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My secretary reminds me of my wife.

I was unbuttoning her blouse at lunch today when she said, "Remember, you have
a wife."

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th...
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Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

In *da* pendent
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An older man is finally able to leave the Soviet Union in the late 1980s for the first time in his life.

His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.

On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ...
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Joke from 1907: "This wireless telegraphy reminds me of a groundless quarrel"

"What possible connection is there between the two?"

"It's practically having words over nothing!"


(Stolen from the latest Vsauce short on YouTube)
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When I look at my wife, she reminds me of the Universe

As she gets older, she gets wider and less hot.
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What does Donald Trump say before sex?

You remind me of my daughter

Just a friendly 4th of July reminder

That absolutely no one is going to watch the videos of the fireworks you recorded on your phone
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My ex-girlfriend reminds me so much of Rapunzel...

Except Rapunzel lets her hair down while my ex lets everyone else in her life down
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With the bribery and corruption scandal surrounding the World Cup, I want to remind everyone that money can't change someone's mind.

But I'm willing to try.
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Algebra reminds me of my past relationships

I mean, have you ever looked at your x and wondered y?
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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community..

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

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Do all black people have a problem with slavery?

Or just mine?

Edit: wow, front page of reddit! For those commenting on the distasteful nature of these joke, remind yourself.. It's a joke. The joke is based on wordplay, quick delivery, and is in no way designed to be racist. Slavery was never something to laugh about.

Edit 2: Holy g...

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A m...
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My wife reminds me everything

My wife reminds me every day before I leave something I forgot and wanted to leave.

Sometimes the car keys, sometimes the watch, sometimes the house keys, sometimes important documents, sometimes my mobile, and it makes me feel old and my memory is weak. So I decided to put a limit on my forg...
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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

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My GF is really starting to remind me of my dog...

We cuddle, I take her out every now and then, we walk together, I feed her...

And in exchange, we have sex!

Reminder

Dear Mr Putin,

As a quick reminder, the Geneva convention is not intended as a checklist.

Sincerely yours,

Everyone else
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When Bill and Hillary first got married

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked ins...

I constantly have to remind my wife to not breast feed our son for so long. She always seems to forget that it causes bleeding…

… she has a tearable mammary.

(Sorry just a random dad joke I thought of today while in the shower. Not a true story)
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Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back
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Girl, you remind me of a cigarette

Because I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth

"Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" reminded me of this one.

A man and his wife were driving from New York to California. Along the way the wife would find every little thing wrong with her husband's driving.
"You're driving too fast." "You missed that exit." "You're tailgating."
This went on throughout the trip. As their car crossed the border ...
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Politicians in the US remind me of British teeth.

Some are sharp, most are white, and all are crooked.
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Why do men in tight pants remind me of a cheap hotel?

No ball-room.
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My girlfriend said I remind her of a technology company.

I said I must be the Apple of your eye.

She said no it’s just that your penis is micro and soft.

My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.

[Pulling out]

Me: Excuse me, what?
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You shouldn't see any horror movie today

It May, Fri 10 you

Edit (after 9 hours) : I am so very sorry I posted this too late. I am reading a lot of comments saying they can't tell this to anyone now since it's now the 11th. I had been waiting a long time for this and set up calendar reminders and everything but didn't see the remind...
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Why does high school remind me of Fortnite?

Because you hop off a bus and shoot everyone you see
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My lights remind me of my uncle

Because I turned them both on
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You remind me of Dracula.

You suck.
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My wife has a sexy nightgown that I like because it reminds me of one my mom used to have.

I call it her Freudian slip.

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone
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My love, you remind me the sea...

Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?

No

I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.

Not really.

So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?

Nope.

So what is it then?

You mak...
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If r/Jokes posts were like YouTube videos

Joke title: IS THIS THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE?

Hello welcome to my joke, this joke is sponsored by BackdooredVPN, get the VPN service for just $29.95 a month. Also sponsored by Microtransaction Legends, download the app for free today.

Before we share the joke we want to remind you tha...

You remind me of Communism

no class at all
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The new guy at work reminds me a lot of Matthew mcconaughey

He keeps saying things like, "Hey man, don't forget about Matthew Mcconaughey".
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Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?

Why? Because Im cute?

No Because When Im drunk later on tonight, Im gonna bang you on the coffee table. ;)
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The Pope announces he's kicking all the Jews out of Rome...

Outraged, the Jewish community call for a chance to debate the Pope and fight to stay.


They elect their best Rabbi and he travels to the Vatican to sit down with the Pope and plead for the Jews right to stay in Rome.


Since the Pope only speaks Latin and the Rabbi only s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your ex told me you remind her of her Christmas tree...

Your balls are only there for decoration purposes!

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'You remind me of a stallion,' said my wife.

'Big cock?' I said, smiling, rather flattered.



'No, you leave your shit everywhere,' she replied.

Just want to remind all you Trump supporters

to get out and vote early on Wednesday.
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Me: My friend reminds me of Gandhi.

My wife: He looks nothing like Gandhi!

My friend, tapping me on the shoulder: Don’t forget about Gandhi.
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A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...
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Friends, just a reminder to those who received a book from me at Christmas...

They are due back in the library on the 29th.
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The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...
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I’ve noticed a disturbing recent trend of people suggesting that we “eat the rich” and I’d like to remind you all that the rich are people too.

People with lovely soft skin that would make excellent TP substitute, so don’t forget to peel them first!
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This time of year reminds me of that time I spent Christmas on the road ...

I stopped into a little diner for breakfast, and ordered the Christmas Eggs Benedict. The waitress came and delivered it on a shiny metal plate. I said, "This is fancy." She replied, "Well hon', you know there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
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Reminds of the time I was reincarnated,

I was never the same man after that.
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My ex-partners privates remind me of the sky

Every person on Earth has seen them
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Anti-vaxxers remind me of the show GLEE

Both haven't aged well
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Just a reminder

In Swedish, the word Gråtrunka means to cry while masturbating, and the fact that they needed a word for that is a real...
tear jerker

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February 15th - the Aftermath reminded me of a joke

When I saw a [thread](http://imgur.com/yKGB2Z6) on the aftermath of Valentines Day it reminded me of a joke - goes like this.

Boy walks into a pharmacy and walks over near the condom aisle passing by a few time looking very nervous. The pharmacist, a male, decides to take mercy on him and wal...

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
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Why would an imitation diamond remind you of St. Patrick's Day?

Because it's a shamrock.
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Fireworks remind me of sex..

I'm always surprised when it lasts more than a few seconds.

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I was told women are most attracted to men who remind them of their father

It's a lie. My crush was pissed after I slept with her mother.

I told a girl that her eyes remind me of stars.

"Oh, you mean bright and shiny? :)"

"No, they're really far apart."
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What’s the worst part about being an atheist?

No one will know you were right.



(I’d like to remind you this is simply a joke)
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Just before a redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him,

"Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up."

The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened.

He pulled the sec...
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My wife minored in psychology. She's always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.

When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, be...
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I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

Dear Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all ...
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The Spice Girls want to remind you to set your clocks back an hour tonight.

Because tonight is the night, when two becomes one.
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To all the Europeans suffering from the current heat wave, here is a reminder to stay strong.

Your ancestors colonized entire countries in much higher temperatures.
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My wife told me that I remind her of a pizza

I asked if it was because I was so cheesy but she said, "no, it's because I want you to go"
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North Korea reminds me of a redhead

Because they both have no Seoul
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My son went over to check out a construction project at our neighbor's and it reminded me of this classic...

Little Johnny is bored and asks his dad for something to do.

"Go across the street to that construction site and talk to the workers. Maybe you'll learn something," his dad said.

Johnny was gone all day and finally comes home for dinner. During the meal, Johnny's dad asked, "you were a...

Sour patch kids remind me of my mom.

She was sour, sweet, then gone.
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Cake day is a sad reminder

It's been six years, I need to get a social life.
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On my birthday, my grandfather pulled me aside and said, “You remind me so much of your father.”

I said, “Wow! Thanks, Grandpa.”

Grandfather: Your father was a disappointment too.
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Whenever I procrastinate on buying a gift, I just remind myself...

There’s no time like the present.
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Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.
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A lot of redditors who post in r/Jokes remind me of Carlos Mencia

Not just because they steal jokes but they're fat and stupid too.
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Reminder to all Americans:

Remember to set your clock back by 75 years today.
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A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night.

Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer. He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'

The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgettin...

The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump...

No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.
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A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow

She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of sex?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."

Reddit reminds me of 1849

Everyone is searching for gold, but few actually get it.
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I have a BREATHTAKING reminder for y'all

Automatic breathing deactivated.


And blinking too lol
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You remind me of Monday...

Because nobody likes you
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My girlfriend said my dick reminded her of a star. I asked, "Because it's hot and brightens your day?"

She replied, "No, because it's a white dwarf."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remind me to tell you the crazy story about the last time I flushed a toilet.

Shit went down.

You know that show naked and afraid? It remind me of a game I played with my uncle.

It’s a joke! I know it’s dark. Sorry.
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A post in r/funny reminded me of one of my dad's favorite jokes...

Q: What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
A: [Trilingual](/spoiler)

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A: [Bilingual](/spoiler)

Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A: [American](/spoiler)
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if school was a game, there would be loading screen tips reminding you to

stay behind cover and only move when the enemy is reloading
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This reminds me of the time I fucked a half Korean girl.

Her mom was Korean and her dad was Korean and her legs were blown off in a car accident.

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y
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The toilet paper issue reminds me of a joke

When the white man first arrived to North America and set up camp, they weren't sure what to expect for their first winter. So, one man decided to chop a bunch of wood so it would be handy.

After befriending some nearby natives, he asked how cold the winters got. The native said, "Its going t...
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