My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No."

She yelled back, "How about now?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from school...

Imagine asking a blind girl out in braille

and she leaves you on felt

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...

"School" is my answer.

My wife and I were walking out of a nice restaurant, and there was a young teen in shabby clothes asking people for their doggy bags

We immediately gave him ours. I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes - what gave me away?"

I replied, "Obviously, your parents."

My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body...

I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

A guy came around asking for donations to the local swimming pool

I gave him a glass of water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends and I were drinking and starting asking Alexa stuff. Alexa, what is a blowjob? Alexa, what is rim job? Alexa, what is a golden shower?

That barmaid got pissed and threw us out.

A young Taiwanese boy asks his father a question:

(some things don't translate super well, I'll try my best)

He asks: "Dad, I heard some strange words at school today, and I don't know what they mean."

His dad responds, "Hmm... Tell me what they are. I'll try to explain them as best I can."

The boy asks the following: "What's '...

5 years ago, I messaged a random person on Facebook, asking for a date. Today, I asked them to marry me.

They said no both times.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A costumer came up to me asking to buy a new bass....

So I told him "sir, this is guitar center. You can buy guitars from us. If you want to purchase a bass, you'll have to go to bass pro shop."

I’m part of a local community group, and recently people have been asking for leftover moving boxes

Each time I want to say the boxes that hold still are more practical

Why do white women like trading stories about asking for the manager?

Because Sharon is Karen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men appear at the heavens gate. Next to them an angel appears and starts asking them how they got there

The first one starts telling: “I came home early from a day of work. When I suddenly hear my wife scream upstairs. I rush upstairs and see her laying in bed very frightened.I was going to confront her later but first I needed to catch the bastard. I also see the window open and rush to it only to se...

People keep asking me how I made my first million. Its very simple:

I converted my change into zimbabwean dollars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just had a message from a random guy asking to meet in the woods to compare dick sizes. Fucking weirdo..

Didn't even show up.

I kept asking what LGTBQ stands for.

So far no one has given me a straight awnser.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

My friend and I bumped into Arnold Schwarzenegger. As fans we asked a lot of questions and ended up asking if he's going to upgrade to Windows 11...

He said, "I still love Vista, baby!"

Dear algebra, stop asking us to find your x

She's not coming back. And don't ask y.

I had a phone call today from the police asking if I’d taken the train home last night, about 11:35. I nervously replied “yes, why?”

They said “because they need it back madam.”

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.