If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,

You would be dead.

I invested in a coin making machine

It just made cents.

So I invested in Teflon recently,

It didn't stick.

My girlfriend wanted to look slimmer for a party so she invested in a corset.

She’s had a very hard year coping with things and was determined to go looking like a million bucks. She told me what it meant to her to be with me and how this was the only thing she had been looking forward to for months. I helped her into her corset and between us we managed to lace her up.
<...

If you had invested $1000 in JP Morgan in 1882, today you'll be

D E A D

So I invested in a hot air balloon company...

And it's really taken off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do women hate having sex with people who invested in Gme stock?

They never pull out

The other day I invested in a meat company.

I bought a 20 percent steak.

Dolly Parton has invested $1m in the Moderna covid vaccine

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man and logic

So a man had three girlfriends and he needed to choose one of them to marry so he gave them each 5 grand to see what they would do with it

The first spent it all on herself- getting her hair done, nails done, outfits so that she could look amazing for him

The second took the money an...

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

I invested in a soup manufacturer. I asked them what the stock options were.

They said chicken or vegetable

If mental asylums invested in walking trails for their patients,

They could really get away with calling them psycho paths.

I've invested all my money into the honey industry.

Hope it goes well, cause I don't have a plan B.

I invested all of my money on cannabis infused beef.

The steaks are high

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking through the woods when they find an old, battered lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.

"After all these years, I'm finally free!" the genie booms. "You know what, it's been so long that I'll make an exception and grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out, "I want a billion dollars!" In a ...

I'm heavily invested in a depreciating asset and it feels like I'm just flushing my stock away

Does anyone know where I can find more toilet paper?

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $10 to15million. And I think she could be right." Paul replied e...

I couldn't find any publishers for my autobiography, so I invested a whole pile of my own money and got 10,000 copies printed. I'm yet to sell even one copy.

Story of my life.

I had no complaints....

I had no complaints when i became interested in Buddhism and became a Budist

a few more when i became invested in affirmative action and became an activist

but as soon as i got into fashion....

A farmer invested 10 million USD towards research on marijuana effects on cows.

The steak were high

If I had invested $1000 into Bitcoin today I would have...

No idea how it worked

Don't know about you guys but I invested in Crypto and I'm laughing all the way to the bank

^^where ^^I ^^will ^^keep ^^my ^^money ^^from ^^now ^^on..

I'm jealous of the people who first invested in elevators

They really got in on the ground floor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saudi Arabia just invested $1 billion in Virgin Galactic...

...1 down, only 71 to go!

A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain

He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work

What do you call someone who invested in a cattle farm?

He has a steak in it.

I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and in return I am promised 10 fold. What does he think I am a fool?

I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week. Sucker can’t scam me.

A man walks down the street and sees a homeless person.

The homeless person asks him for some change, but the man only has a 20$ bill on him. So he asks himself “do I really want to see these 20$ invested in drugs? No.” And so he gave the twenty to the homeless person

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