Investors Jokes - 22 Hilarious Investors Jokes

The owners of a 'Happy Days' themed restaurant are being investigated for fraud for paying existing investors with new investors money.

Experts are referring to it as the world first Fonzie Scheme.

upvote

downvote

report

I am looking for investors for my new mind controlled air freshener.

When you think about it, it makes scents.

upvote

downvote

report

Why do investors like to buy shares from horse breeders?

It's a stable business.

upvote

downvote

report

To the game stop hedge fund investors: I know you spent 70 billion.

But the best I can offer you is $4 in credit.

upvote

downvote

report

Why do bitcoin investors want a Lambo?

Because they know Ferarri is owned by Fiat

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t hedge funder investors jerk off?

You don’t need to jerk off when you’re already fucking millions of people

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

upvote

downvote

report

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

upvote

downvote

report

What do Aquaman and money market investors have in common?

They prefer liquid environments.

upvote

downvote

report

My fellow investors mocked me for buying shares in Nitrous Oxide.

It's the laughing stock.

upvote

downvote

report

looking for investors for my new specialty dating site

So I'm planning on taking advantage of the huge influx of specialty dating sites like farmers only or Christian mingle, etc... I'm starting a site exclusively for Indians. It's gonna be called, "Connect the dots."
(So who's in with me???)

upvote

downvote

report

Why the Baker went out of business...

- The turnover was disappointing
- His investors all wanted a slice of the pie
- The price of yeast wouldn't stop rising
- Customers said his service staff were too tarte
- His bakery business model became stale
- He tried to get another loan but the bank manager said " there Cannoli ...

upvote

downvote

report

Bad news in the stock market today

Northern Tissue touched a new bottom, and thousands of investors were wiped clean.

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the blonde love to flirt with old men?

Because they made the best Theranos investors

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob knows a lot of people

Bob's a factory worker, and one day, the boss is showing a bunch of Japanese investors around the factory. One of them sees Bob, and they promptly exchange handshakes and start talking like long lost friends. Afterwards, Bobs boss asks him what that was about. Bob just replies 'oh, I know him from a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Geography of a Woman vs a Man

Between 18 & 22 a woman is like Africa... half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 23 & 30 a woman is like America... well developed & open to trade, especially for high financed investors.

Between 31 & 45 a woman is like India... ver...

My favourite weather phenomenon was in 1929

When it started raining investors.

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the brothel run out of money?

Why did the brothel run out of money? Because all of the investors pulled out.

upvote

downvote

report

A politically incorrect joke about language

Investors want to make a holiday resort on an uninhabited island. They hire 3 experts to get life going there.

To the Frenchman they say, "you are in charge of cuisine".

To the German they say, "you are in charge of accommodation".

To the Finn they say, "you are in charge of su...

upvote

downvote

report

A pilgrim was seeking enlightenment

They were told to climb a mountain somewhere that could be called Tibet (but we thank the Zhongguo Reddit investors, so shan't mention it).

As the pilgrim climbed the mountain for half a day, he came across a sage with a beard this
^
|
Long and a sword this <--> big w...

upvote

downvote

report

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

upvote

downvote

report

An inventor is about to pass, leaving all he has to his only family. His two children.

He was a very altruistic person in life, only using his inventions to help people and not make any profit. His daughter admired this trait and followed this path becoming a tinkerer herself. His son, however, was an opportunist. He would always attempt to make a profit off any of his father's invent...

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.