An Investment Banker Was Getting Married.

During Wedding, The Wife Vomits.
Husband: "What Happened?"
Wife: "Capital Gains Arising Out Of Previous Investment."
Husband: "U cheated me.."
Wife: "U should know, mutual fund investments are subject to market risks!"

When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.

He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

Someone at a BDSM convention asked me what investments he should make

I told them to invest in stocks and bonds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

Russian Investments

Two Russians meet up:

- Have you heard, Bitcoin went up in value?

- Ya. But I only invest in one thing - VODKA

- Why Vodka?

- Where else do you get a 40% return??

Batman's investments have been declining steadily over the years...

I guess you could say they've Wayned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On their wedding night, a young bride asked her new husband to pay her $20 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she w...

Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned.

I started showing more interest in one of my investments.

It appreciated it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a man hears a voice in his head.

Sell your car, sell your house cash in your investments, go to Vegas put it all on red 20.
Sell your car, sell your house cash in your investments, go to Vegas put it all on red 20.
He tries to ignore it but but every minute of everyday he hears it, Sell your car, sell your house cash in your ...

I think I can finally buy a BMW.

I got a new high paying job with a large bonus. My investments are doing well. And most importantly, I haven't used my turn signal in the last 6 months.

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

My wife scolded me about how much I drink..

She says... For God sakes! You ever imagine the damage you're doing to your health? Not to mention all the money you've spent? How much money do you think you've spent so far?

I say... Idk.. hic..

She says: how much is a bottle of Jack Honey?

I reply: idk... like $24...

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

A group of guys were having some drinks

When the conversation turned to how great their sons were.

First Frank regaled everyone with the tale of how his son, the car dealer, was so rich, that he gave a buddy a brand new car.

The next guy said "that's nothing! My son, the successful realtor has made so much money, that he gav...

How do you become a millionaire overnight?

Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.

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