Illegal Immigrant Jokes

E.T. learned to speak English and wanted to go home.

It took him forever to find a job that neither requires a third grade education nor a background check.

Juan by Juan

An artificial Swedener

It's called Alien vs. Predator

Patient: "They took our jabs!"

The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away

But I wouldn't want to cross that border

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

It's a PC PC.

Because he crossed the line

And the bartender asks, "What'll ya have, Mr. President?"

Because of all the No “Tres”passing signs that are posted

I asked who had the papers and everyone ran.

Getting caught by ice

They see the signs that say, "Watch for ICE on bridges".

Like marrying Donald Trump.

By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.

The government is helping them escape the US

...and into mexico, where a booming ladder industry is providing plenty of jobs

But that would be crossing the borders

Mexico said- "Not Juan"

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws the glass in the air and shoots it with his pistol. He says, "In Mexico, glasses are so cheap that we don't have to drink from the same one twice. "

The Arab, impressed by this, grabbed his empty glass and threw it in the air, shortly before shoot... read more

It's borderline racist.

He got prison for caching false Czechs.

22% said "YES"

17% said "NO"

61% said "NO COMPRENDE"

If you don’t believe me ask any Native American.

...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

I guess they became Americans after all.

Donald Trump is speaking at a campaign event in South Carolina. He asks if the crowd wants to hear a joke? The southern crowd goes "USA! USA! USA!" What do you call 10 illegal immigrants on the moon? A problem. What do you call 100 illegals on the moon? A problem. What do you call 1000 illegals on t... read more

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?"
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 53... read more

Halfway through the flight, the pilot announces that the plane is rapidly losing altitude and that they must throw a suitcase each to lose weight.

The Irishman opens his suitcases: one has bombs and old IRA memorabilia inside, the other is filled with cans of Guinness for the trip. "There's t... read more

Then they get deported for being illegal immigrants

None. Illegal immigrants are stealing all the jobs.

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w... read more