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Illegally Jokes

I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety

...before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

He has two in his boat when the police approach him.

The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.

"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they ...

What happens if a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally.

Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

A man is illegally fishing

So a man is illegally fishing for 2 hours, at this point he has a bucket full of fish and he’s still fishing, out of nowhere a cop comes in and tells him

“You know you can’t fish here right? It’s illegal, I’m gonna have to arrest you.”

The man hides the pole and replies:

“Oh no...

What do you call a person who illegally transports cups

A smuggler

I was trying to cross a river into Canada illegally

But I couldn't decide to Row Vs Wade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.

“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”

I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.”

Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I...

Bernie Sanders confronted the head of the NSA and asked him why they are still illegally surveilling Americans.

The guy replied, “Some people just like to watch the world, Bern.”

I was illegally hunting for mushrooms.

I have questionable morels.

I don't like to illegally download music.

I'm afraid I'll get FLAC.

I illegally downloaded the movie Bohemian Rhapsody today

It is very poor quality. All I can see is the little silhouetto of a man

What do you call it when someone illegally bakes bread?

Baking Bad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I prefer illegally downloading bangbros videos over watching free sites.

It feels more like I'm the one fucking the porn stars.

What do you call three Mexicans illegally crossing the border?

_Tres_ passers

A park ranger catches a man illegally fishing

As the man is getting off his boat with his entire catch, the ranger jumps out in front of him and detains him. The man asks him what he's being detained for.

"Fishing here is illegal. You're coming with me."
"But I wasn't fishing! These fish are all my friends. I come here once a week,...

Why did the man get arrested after illegally downloading "Every Breath You Take"?

The file was created by The Police as part of a Sting operation.

When you illegally import Huawai phone into America

You are on the Huawai to hell

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A person who illegally exports sheep is called an owler

Unless you are from Wales, then you are a sex trafficker.

Three Mexican guys try to immigrate to the US illegally.

But they can't figure out where to hide.

One guy suggests to dress up in animal costumes and hide in a zoo.

They buy monkey costumes put them on and get into the cage with two more monkeys.

The zoo workers are suspicious of there being five monkeys in the cage.

So they de...

A man tried to keep two crows illegally as pets!

He was arrested for attempted murder.

I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but I had to stop

The steaks were too high

Did you hear about the Toronto baseball player who was arrested for illegally crossing the street?

Jaywalking

If I download a song illegally from Jamaica, does that make me...

A pirate of the Caribbean?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had just popped into a shop and when I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.

I said what the fuck are you doing?

He said the car is illegally parked.

I told him he's a pig.

So then he writes another ticket for a bald tyre.

I told him he's likes fucking hitler.

So he then writes another ticket for a defective wiper blade.

I said fuck ...

a parking enforcement officer just cast a spell on me because I parked in a handicap spot illegally

“you will be toad”

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