UPJOKE
emigrationemploymentmigrationnaturalizationrefugeecountrywelfareunited statesbodyin-migrationcitizenshipborderretirementenforcementimmigrants

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A Republican walks into a college bookstore and asks the proprietor, "I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration?"

The owner says "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The Republican responds "Yeah! That's the one!"

Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised

The Englishman goes through Australian immigration

The Englishman goes through Australian immigration, the officer looks at his form and asks him "Do you have a criminal record?" The Englishman replies "Is that still a requirement?"

A poll was taken by California Governor Gavin Newsom's office which asked whether people who live in California think Illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, It is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.

People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this...

An Englishman began procedures at the Immigration Department to move to Australia

Immigration: "Do you have a criminal record?"

British guy: "Is that still necessary?"

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending ra...

Immigration pulls a Spaniard Over and Questions him

Officer: “You aren’t American. You shouldn’t be here.”

Spanish Person: “But officer, I’m American.”

The officer thinks about it and says, “If you are, then use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.

The Spaniard thinks for a moment and says, “The phone goes gree...

A man approaches an Ukrainian immigration officer.

"Name?"
\-"Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin."

"Adress?"
\-"Kremlin, Moscow, Russia."

"Occupation?"
\-"No, this time just visiting."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to the librarian, "Hey bitch, have you got any books on immigration?"

"Get the fuck out of here!" she snapped.

"Yes, that's the one," I said.

Australian immigration asks...

Friend of a friend was entering Australia, going through customs.

Them: “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” Him: “I didn’t know it was still a requirement!”

They eventually did let him in, but they were clearly not happy with him.

Canada's immigration centre has a new slogan

You'll be sorry

Governor DeSantis and Raul Castro are walking on a beach in Miami discussing immigration policy.

Castro stumbles on something, but DeSantis picks it up. It's a magic lamp! The genie pops out and decides
they each get one wish.

DeSantis goes first goes first. "Build an indestructible 50 ft wall all around Florida. That will keep the Cubans, Mexicans, and storm surges out." No soon...

9th August 2021: a blond American woman is at the Canadian immigration counter......

The immigration officer is puzzled for a minute and then the light comes on.

"Thank you ma'am for that view but it is vaxxed not waxed'

Putin lands in a foreign country and approaches the immigration desk

The border official reads through his passport and asks: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."

A German tourist goes to France. The French immigration officer asks him

"Occupation"?

The German says "No, just visiting".

Russia

Putin feels like taking a trip and heads to the Moscow airport.

Immigration: Destination ?

Putin: Ukraine

Immigration: Occupation ?

Putin: Yes

An activist ask about my opinion on immigration reform

Apparently 'Im on the fence about it' is the wrong answer

Im sick of all these immigration jokes

They're really crossing the line

What did the anti-immigration xenophobe say when he saw an alien saucer

'You! F. O.'

How did a Chinese guy end up with a Tamil name

I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was Kandaswami.

I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter......

Putin lands with airplane in kiev airport

The immigration officer looks at his passport and asks:

Occupation?

Putin says:

No, this time just visit

As I handed him my passport, the immigration officer stared at me with cold, dead eyes and mumbled, "I might not always agree with you, but..."

"I can see where you are coming from."

An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport...

An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport. The officer asks, “Do you have any felony convictions?”

The Englishman replies, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.”

I talked to my Republican parents about immigration.

The conversation really went south.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At The Immigration Desk

Do you speak English?.........  "Yes!“

Name?...... “Abdul al-Rhazib“

Sex?..... "Three to five times a week!“

No, no, I mean male or female?..... "Yes, male, female, sometimes camel…“

Holy cow!....... "Yes, cow, sheep, many animalsl“

But isn't that hostile?...... "H...

A liberal and a conservative enter a bar. They sit down and each one orders a beer. After a while, they start to talk about immigration policy.

They start to argue if the USA needs immigrants or not.


After a few hours when it looks like both used all arguments they could find to sustain their position, the liberal says:


“You know, Trump is the living proof that America needs immigrants.”


“How so?” responds t...

How my grandfather passed his immigration exam

My grandfather arrived in the U.S from Cuba in 1969 and he loved telling us about how proud he was to become a U.S. citizen and how he was able to pass the immigration test despite knowing very little English.



Story goes: He sits down with the immigration official who was having a ve...

What is the best thing to do if you buy books on immigration but don't enjoy reading them?

You send them back.

Mike is on a job tour to Mexico. Once landed, he go through the immigration department.

“ Hello Mike”
“ Hello Ja-vier”
“ It’s Ha-vier. Mexican pronounce J as H. So how long will you be staying in Mexico “
“ Oh I see, I’ll be staying from Ha-nuary till H-une “

Immigration to the US is a good thing.

Everytime someone moves to the US from their home country, the average IQs of both nations go up.

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?

Missionary, mostly.

I went to the Muslim book store this morning and asked for Trump’s new book on immigration reform.

The shop owner said ‘Get the hell out and never come back!’

I said ‘Yeah, that’s the one! You have it in paperback?’

When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.

As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"

Illegal immigration jokes..

are borderline offensive

Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem...

The other 96% said "que dijo?"

Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect

Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

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