UPJOKE
unlawfullawillegalprohibitbanforbidprohibitionillegitimateillicitfeloncriminalcrookoutlaweddisallowdesperado

Outlaw Jokes

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!

a sheriff was abducted by a gang of outlaws

They tightened him up in a tent and let his horse free

Later that evening the horse entered the tent when no one was watching, the sheriff whispered something in its ear

Later that night the horse came back with a young lady on its back, she spent the night with the sheriff and left b...

At this mornings press conference, Ron Desantis announced that the state of Florida will be outlawing the consumption and distribution of coffee.

He went on to condemn the beverage as a tool of the WOKE agenda.

Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked.

"Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?"

"Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty asked me to go on a picnic with her. So, we rode out to the woods, and she put a blanket on the ground. Then she took off all her clothes, an...

Yo mama told an outlaw "this town isn't big enough for the two of us"

The outlaw responded "it's not big enough for one of you."

Did you hear about the outlaw who became a dentist?

He robbed his patients at gum-point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old grandma wants to join an outlaw biker gang

The gang leader says "Well, do you have a bike?"

"Sure! I just bought a new Harley!"

"Are you ok with drugs?"

"I should hope so, I take 20 pills a day!"

"Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"No, but I got swung around by the tits once!"

The Lone Ranger is Captured by Outlaws

The Lone Ranger is captured by outlaws. They are definitely planning on killing him, but have so much respect for the lawman that they decide to grant him 3 final requests. Upon hearing this the Lone Ranger says that he will only tell his requests to his noble steed, Silver. The bad guys agree. The ...

Reverse cowgirl is set to be outlawed in Alabama.

Cause you don't turn your back on family.

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law?

Outlaws are wanted.

This was told to me by my girlfriend’s grandma.

When cryptography is outlawed

bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

As of today, possession of mirrors will be outlawed.

This decision comes after a lot of reflection.

Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

At least the outlaws are wanted by someone.


Credit: My father.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Wild West, an outlaw tells to his buddy

\- Hey, Jack, you see that fellow on a cliff?

\- But there's two of them, - his buddy replies.

\- Well, one on a horse.

\- But they're both are riding, John.

\- One in a hat!

\- They're both in hats!

\- Well shit, - he pulls a pistol and shoots, - Well y...

Republicans are trying to put an ammendment into relief bill to outlaw prepackaged shredded cheese...

...in an attempt to make America grate again.

What does a cabbage outlaw have?

A price on his head.

Breeding Seagulls and Eagles has now been outlawed in the United States.

The rationale behind this was that the new creature became incredibly sick upon birth. People have been breeding ill eagle seagulls this entire time.

Government: Gambling is addictive, morally wrong, and predatory, so we are outlawing it.

In unrelated news the Powerball jackpot is $126 Million Dollars! Can't win if you don't play!

The United States finally outlawed the waterboarding of suspected terrorists!

They have decided to replace it with a more politically correct interrogation method: Tactical Baptism

There's only one way the US is going to be able to redeem themselves after this presidency, and that's to outlaw the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

Make America grate again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sexual position “reverse cowgirl” has been outlawed in West Virginia.

They claim turning your back on family is very insulting.

Some guy on the Oregon Trail makes a joke at the expense of Terence, a known outlaw.

He died of dissin' Terry.

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

The outlaws are wanted

*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer*

The Old West sheriff and his deputy are searching for the outlaw gang...

... and find them holed up in a cabin in the hills. The sheriff sends his deputy back to town for help. Some time later the deputy returns, driving a wagon containing all the girls from the town brothel.
The sheriff says "Dammit, Earl. I told you to bring my POSSE."

What gun would Jesus outlaw first?

A nail gun

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ingsoc recently outlawed sexual promiscuity

It's thotcrime

Why did the Vatican declare pirates were outlaws?

Because the cabin boy wouldn’t share his booty!

What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common?

Raw men took 'em both out.

Did you hear that Satan outlawed scales?

I know, when I heard it, I thought to myself, "There's no weigh in Hell."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst part about God is that he outlaws masturbation. But if you don’t believe in him,

I guess you can go fuck yourself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an outlaw who's had sex with an attorney?

An inlaw

Did you hear that the Department of Agriculture is outlawing round bales of hay?

They claimed the cows weren't getting a square meal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three outlaws in the wild west were sitting around a campfire one night

They are all cooking some dinner and reflecting after a long day of robbing and pillaging.

The first outlaw says, "I am the craziest outlaw that has ever roamed the west. I robbed a bank in town today and I killed the guard just for looking at me funny!"

"You think that's crazy..." ...

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

A king outlawed hunting in his kingdom

Pretty soon, deer and elk populations were out of control, eating the commoners' crops and becoming a general nuisance. The people revolted and overthrew the king, thus making it the first time in history a reign had been called on account of game.

Did you know those round bales of hay you still see in fields were outlawed?

Yep. The cows weren't getting a square meal.
**Great road trip joke—never gets old* ^(to ^me)

As you grow up, you will start to see that people morality is not necessarily connected to their relation with the law.

While the outlaws are bad, the in-laws can be much worse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman walks into an American restaurant during the era of prohibition

He asks the waiter "give me a glass of stout to see how it compares to Guinness back home."
The waiter replies "I apologize but alcoholic beverages are illegal in this country, might I offer you a glass of water?"

The Irishman, having heard that this restaurant has a speakeasy in the back ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

Only in America

A European Count who had a fascination with the American West, arranged for a trip to a Texas town named Outlaw. Outlaw was small but didn't know it and the town fathers were determined to impress the Count with their worldliness. They arranged to have the local orchestra perform Beethoven's Ninth...

A dark turn

Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night.
“Boy, it sure is creepy out here,” says the first outlaw.
“How do you think I feel?” asks his companion. “I have to walk back alone.”

Once upon a time three guys went hiking

By nightfall they ran out of food they all notice that there's one slice of bologna left, so they all decided go to sleep for the night and whoever wakes up the next morning with the best dream will get the last slice of bologna.

The next morning came and all the guys woke up, so the first g...

An r/jokes poem.

If you steal someone's joke from this sub,

Men may come repossess and delete.

They act as a mod (for it is outlawed),

And they live on Repo St.

Puttin' Together a Posse

This guy comes into the sheriff's office and says, "Sheriff, we're puttin' together a posse and goin' after an outlaw."

The sheriff says, "What's he look like?"

The guy says, "Well, he's wearin' a brown paper hat, a brown paper kerchief, a brown paper shirt, a brown paper belt, brown p...

I used to sell farming equipment...

Until they outlawed slavery.

Historically as a big corporation the best investment we've made is in our people.

Unfortunately we lost alot of money when this investment was outlawed.

Why do your in-laws become dangerous after a divorce?

They become outlaws

The ballad of Awful Ed

A British man was tending a bar in the wild west Americas of 1867. He hadn't owned the bar long, but for the most part it was quiet in the town where he did his business.

One day, a cowboy in a panic ran into the bar screaming "Everybody run for your lives! Awful Ed is coming to town!!!". Alm...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.