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Outlaw Jokes

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!

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An 80 year old grandma wants to join an outlaw biker gang

The gang leader says "Well, do you have a bike?"

"Sure! I just bought a new Harley!"

"Are you ok with drugs?"

"I should hope so, I take 20 pills a day!"

"Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"No, but I got swung around by the tits once!"

a sheriff was abducted by a gang of outlaws

They tightened him up in a tent and let his horse free

Later that evening the horse entered the tent when no one was watching, the sheriff whispered something in its ear

Later that night the horse came back with a young lady on its back, she spent the night with the sheriff and left b...

Reverse cowgirl is set to be outlawed in Alabama.

Cause you don't turn your back on family.

Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

At least the outlaws are wanted by someone.


Credit: My father.

In George Orwell's book 1984, why were e-girls outlawed?

Because it was a thotcrime.

Did you hear about the outlaw who became a dentist?

He robbed his patients at gum-point.

At this mornings press conference, Ron Desantis announced that the state of Florida will be outlawing the consumption and distribution of coffee.

He went on to condemn the beverage as a tool of the WOKE agenda.

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On Wild West, an outlaw tells to his buddy

\- Hey, Jack, you see that fellow on a cliff?

\- But there's two of them, - his buddy replies.

\- Well, one on a horse.

\- But they're both are riding, John.

\- One in a hat!

\- They're both in hats!

\- Well shit, - he pulls a pistol and shoots, - Well y...

Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked.

"Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?"

"Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty asked me to go on a picnic with her. So, we rode out to the woods, and she put a blanket on the ground. Then she took off all her clothes, an...

The Lone Ranger is Captured by Outlaws

The Lone Ranger is captured by outlaws. They are definitely planning on killing him, but have so much respect for the lawman that they decide to grant him 3 final requests. Upon hearing this the Lone Ranger says that he will only tell his requests to his noble steed, Silver. The bad guys agree. The ...

Yo mama told an outlaw "this town isn't big enough for the two of us"

The outlaw responded "it's not big enough for one of you."

What does a cabbage outlaw have?

A price on his head.

As of today, possession of mirrors will be outlawed.

This decision comes after a lot of reflection.

The United States finally outlawed the waterboarding of suspected terrorists!

They have decided to replace it with a more politically correct interrogation method: Tactical Baptism

When cryptography is outlawed

bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

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Ingsoc recently outlawed sexual promiscuity

It's thotcrime

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

The outlaws are wanted

*shoutout to the customer that called in and ended the phone call with a joke to spread some cheer*

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A cowboy walks into a saloon, you can tell he isn’t a local and looks like an outlaw...

So the bartender stops and asks him if he knows Pepe Lopez, the meanest outlaw around. Well the cowboy takes a shot of his whiskey and says, “do I know pepe Lopez, ha”

I was out in the desert last week minding my own business when Pepe Lopez jumped out of some bushes and surprised me. Now I w...

Apparently Trump wants to outlaw pre-shredded cheese...

...he keeps going on and on about how he wants to make America grate again...

What gun would Jesus outlaw first?

A nail gun

Republicans are trying to put an ammendment into relief bill to outlaw prepackaged shredded cheese...

...in an attempt to make America grate again.

Why did the Vatican declare pirates were outlaws?

Because the cabin boy wouldn’t share his booty!

Government: Gambling is addictive, morally wrong, and predatory, so we are outlawing it.

In unrelated news the Powerball jackpot is $126 Million Dollars! Can't win if you don't play!

Did you hear that Satan outlawed scales?

I know, when I heard it, I thought to myself, "There's no weigh in Hell."

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The sexual position “reverse cowgirl” has been outlawed in West Virginia.

They claim turning your back on family is very insulting.

A king outlawed hunting in his kingdom

Pretty soon, deer and elk populations were out of control, eating the commoners' crops and becoming a general nuisance. The people revolted and overthrew the king, thus making it the first time in history a reign had been called on account of game.

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common?

Raw men took 'em both out.

Did you know they outlawed round bales of hay?

Because the cows weren't getting a square meal.

The Old West sheriff and his deputy are searching for the outlaw gang...

... and find them holed up in a cabin in the hills. The sheriff sends his deputy back to town for help. Some time later the deputy returns, driving a wagon containing all the girls from the town brothel.
The sheriff says "Dammit, Earl. I told you to bring my POSSE."

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What do you call an outlaw who's had sex with an attorney?

An inlaw

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(Nsfw) The lone ranger and Tonto are travelling when they are captured by a band of outlaws

They bury the Lone ranger up to his neck in the dirt. The outlaws ask the lone ranger if he has any last requests before they leave him to die.


"Yes I do, tonto come here a moment"


Tonto comes over and the lone ranger whispers something in his ear. Suddenly tonto makes a run f...

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

Some guy on the Oregon Trail makes a joke at the expense of Terence, a known outlaw.

He died of dissin' Terry.

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Three outlaws in the wild west were sitting around a campfire one night

They are all cooking some dinner and reflecting after a long day of robbing and pillaging.

The first outlaw says, "I am the craziest outlaw that has ever roamed the west. I robbed a bank in town today and I killed the guard just for looking at me funny!"

"You think that's crazy..." ...

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The worst part about God is that he outlaws masturbation. But if you don’t believe in him,

I guess you can go fuck yourself.

Did you hear about the infamous bank robbers in the old wild west? One of them married the other one's sister.

They were both outlaws and in-laws.

Did you know those round bales of hay you still see in fields were outlawed?

Yep. The cows weren't getting a square meal.
**Great road trip joke—never gets old* ^(to ^me)

What do you call a spouse’s family member with a restraining order?

An outlawed in-law.

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An Irishman walks into an American restaurant during the era of prohibition

He asks the waiter "give me a glass of stout to see how it compares to Guinness back home."
The waiter replies "I apologize but alcoholic beverages are illegal in this country, might I offer you a glass of water?"

The Irishman, having heard that this restaurant has a speakeasy in the back ...

Only in America

A European Count who had a fascination with the American West, arranged for a trip to a Texas town named Outlaw. Outlaw was small but didn't know it and the town fathers were determined to impress the Count with their worldliness. They arranged to have the local orchestra perform Beethoven's Ninth...

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An old woman walks into a biker bar

One of the bikers immediately comes up and tells her this is a private bar for outlaw bikers ONLY.
“We’ll, I’ve been outside the law a few times in my day” replies the old woman.
“Yeah? You ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
“No… but I’ve been swung around by the tits a few times.”

A man decides to put his life savings into opening an aquarium...

A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran...

As you grow up, you will start to see that people morality is not necessarily connected to their relation with the law.

While the outlaws are bad, the in-laws can be much worse.

A dark turn

Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night.
“Boy, it sure is creepy out here,” says the first outlaw.
“How do you think I feel?” asks his companion. “I have to walk back alone.”

I used to sell farming equipment...

Until they outlawed slavery.

Puttin' Together a Posse

This guy comes into the sheriff's office and says, "Sheriff, we're puttin' together a posse and goin' after an outlaw."

The sheriff says, "What's he look like?"

The guy says, "Well, he's wearin' a brown paper hat, a brown paper kerchief, a brown paper shirt, a brown paper belt, brown p...

The sheriff's girlfriend asks to get married

GF: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't, I have to go catch bank robbers.

GF: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't, I have to go catch the cattle rustlers.

GF: Please, marry me?
Sheriff: I can't, I have to go catch the men who held up the train.

Moral of the story, some me...

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

Why do your in-laws become dangerous after a divorce?

They become outlaws

Once upon a time three guys went hiking

By nightfall they ran out of food they all notice that there's one slice of bologna left, so they all decided go to sleep for the night and whoever wakes up the next morning with the best dream will get the last slice of bologna.

The next morning came and all the guys woke up, so the first g...

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Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

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